Conventional Crap: Chicago! Hope! Change! (And "Poison")Oh, good God, it's early here in Denver and it was a late night last night but Spencer Ackerman and I are dedicated servants, so we dance, bitches, dance for your amusement despite the fact that we both think it might be sort of okay to die this early in the morning. After the jump, we talk about the parties, condoms, the venereal disease that is John McCain, Michelle Obama, race relations in America and the relevance of both Bell Biv Devoe and Sir Mixalot. (It's really early here in Denver, people.)

MEGAN: Hey, Spencer, long time, no see!

SPENCER: So when last we met, you were on your way to the Planned Parenthood party, where I suddenly opted not to pretend to be the guest-listed Adam Conner from Facebook. Speaking of Adam, I see he Twittered last night that he was at the Rock The Vote thing just in time to miss N.E.R.D. but catch Fall Out Boy. There is simply no way Planned Parenthood could have been worse than that.

MEGAN: Let us just say that when I did get in, the DJ decided to play Poison, which is great if it's late and everyone's drunk and happy, but it wasn't that late and I wasn't that drunk. I did get free condoms though. I snagged Jason Linkins' for you since he's married. The package says "Protect yourself from John McCain (in this election)." It's like he's a venereal disease!

SPENCER: When we at FDL thought we couldn't get in to the PPFA party, Jane Hamsher hatched a plan where she would promise to get me in by saying I knocked her up and was super-supportive during the abortion. Yes, during.

MEGAN: Dude, I don't think the girl with the list would've cared. She was harsh, for real. I saw her neg three guys from the Washington Post for being "only bloggers."

SPENCER: And yeah I have a bunch of those McCondoms. They handed them out to me at the Red Rocks Amphitheatre and I thought at first that they were either a) emblazoned with McCain on the shaft of your cock or b) for use on McCain.

MEGAN: I feel like novelty condoms with things written on them get as much use as light up vibrators.

SPENCER: Speaking of other things you wrote that I liked, good livebloggery last night. A lot less pissed off than mine. I thought Michelle was fantastic, but there's a really ugly undercurrent to her speech/bio/video.

MEGAN: My ass stayed cold for a good 30 minutes after I finally stood up, stupid concrete floor!

SPENCER:

Her brother Craig is introducing her. It's a disgrace that this country has to be taught not to fear an accomplished African-American woman.
If i may quote myself...


MEGAN: Actually, that's totally true, so quote away. I mean, it was so cute last night with the kids that my uterus ached a little when Malia was all "I love you Daddy!" but then I ignored it. And drank.

SPENCER: That's the Planned Parenthood way!

MEGAN: I know! I was the perfect audience! But give me the scoop on Kennedy's speech, as I was stuck in the security line from hell.

SPENCER: I got really maudlin about it. He came out of the gate bounding to the podium, pumping his fist, conjuring up that old Kennedy-family vig-ahhh. Proceeded to speak for 7 minutes, frail but defiant, about redeeming the dream: health care, education, anti-poverty, liberal internationalism. The big closing flourish was "The Dream Lives On" in Barack Obama, a beautiful reference both to MLK and to Teddy's famous "The dream shall never die" speech from the 1980 convention. But WTF we can't be done talking about Michelle.

MEGAN: Sorry, I'm just still regretting missing it! It's not the same on TV. Okay, let me admit here that, from my vantage point, all I saw was the rear view of Michelle. And someone who I will allow to remain anonymous said, "Was her dress any less matronly from behind? Because how am I supposed to fantasize about her tonight?" And I was forced to admit that her ass looked amazing.

SPENCER: Please tell me that there were white girls next to you like, "Oh. My. God. Becky. Her butt is so. big." Speaking as a white person, do you fear Michelle Obama less now? Did the speech work on you?

MEGAN: God, I wish someone had thought of that. Unfortunately, I already loved Michelle Obama. I loved her when she was making fun of Obama for his morning breath and giving Ann Romney the infamous "Bitch, please" look at the wives' forum. So, I wanted her to be that Michelle. This one was fine, and I understand why she had to be this one, but I miss the other one.

SPENCER: Megan I am trying to have a serious discussion with you about race in America.

MEGAN: Oh, sorry. It's early.

SPENCER: Look, we still live in fucking Nixonland here. Operation Rescue's Randall Terry is handing out flyers in Denver talking about solutions to "the Negro Problem". There's a grace and a power to how conspicuously inclusive Michelle Obama's speech was, and how Barack Obama's candidacy is, but the frustration must be overwhelming. If it was me, I'd be in a clocktower opening fire, saving only the last bullet for myself. But that's my white privilege talking. She has to say that she loves America?

MEGAN: Honestly, by the end of it, I was like, Chicago! Hope! Change! Drink! But it was a little depressing that she had to be like, I have parents and I grew up like you, America, and married an awesome guy who loves me in order to help him get electred.

SPENCER: andBegorrah has it right: "Yes, but has she ever been a prisoner of war?? HAS SHE??!??!"

MEGAN: Well, luckily, neither has Cindy McCain!

SPENCER: That should be the theme of each day of the convention: Chicago (Michelle). Hope (Mark Warner). Change (Biden). Drink (Barack, with a Springsteen chaser).