Conventional Crap: Top Shelf Liquor, Chris Matthews & MadonnaI'm about the leave for the airport to help kick off the start of the Democratic National Convention tonight with various bashes, booze, and bonding with other bloggers. One of those bloggers already in Denver is Kay Steiger, who works at Campus Progress and will be blogging for Pushback and RH Reality Check while she's there. She's one of our rotating clan of conventioneering Crappyists for the next week, and she gets right into the Crappy spirit with a hangover, a discussion of Madonna's newest endorsement, what I could teach Chris Matthews and where Bill Kristol can stick his new-found feminism (hint: it's also a synonym for donkey).

KAY: Hi.

MEGAN: Good morning, sunshine!

KAY: Ugh. Last night I stumbled into an event where they kept giving us top-shelf liquor, not that I'm complaining.

MEGAN: I truly feel that the top shelf stuff makes the hangover far more bearable.

KAY: That's true, but there was a LOT of it. Especially since I've been on a beer and wine diet these days.

MEGAN: Just think how much worse your head would feel if you had been drinking rail liquor. Or, rather, don't right now, but consider it later... Anyway, how's Denver?

KAY: Right. Oh you know. High altitude. I actually met some real-life PUMAs yesterday.

MEGAN: Really? I'm intrigued. What did they say? I saw them at the DNC protests in June and it was all I could do not to shake them and stuff.

KAY: I hate to use Mark Penn language, but they were totally national security moms. They thought Hillary Clinton's hawkishness was a good thing, while Obama would be "thinking about" what to do. Because apparently "thinking" is a bad thing.

MEGAN: Ugh, well, I guess we know who will be voting for McCain in the fall, then. No thinking, just bombing!

KAY: Right.

MEGAN: I'm sure in the midst of the whole thing, you missed the fact that Madonna kicked off her world tour this weekend. Or that she used the opportunity to compare John McCain to Hitler and Mugabe. Did I ever tell you how much I love Madonna?

KAY: I saw that this morning.

MEGAN: Video of the offensive video display is here. And what's even better is the shots of her are very Human Nature, which I love so much.

KAY: Weird, so Madonna isn't dormant anymore. She kinda dropped out of sight for a while.

MEGAN: Well, she and Guy Ritchie are supposedly on the outs! It's okay, you don't have to love Madonna as much as me. We can talk about how Chis Matthews says he didn't call Clinton a "she-devil" — he was saying Republicans did. That didn't work for E.D. Hill, buddy, but nice try.

KAY: I like Madonna I just always cringe when liberals use the Hitler references. It gives more moderate people an excuse to make fun. Bad as McCain is on issues, he doesn't appear to be plotting mass genocide. But I guess it's never too early to speculate...

MEGAN: Well, I mean, with McCain's video showing Germans chanting Obama's name over shots of Berlin, I think it's fair to say that McCain went there with the references first.

KAY: So true. The Hilter references are so tired, though. Anyway, I saw the thing about Matthews. I always love when people on television try to claim they didn't say something.

MEGAN: I prefer when the bluster and say they didn't say it, and then when they argue it was taken out of context. Like, just admit that you're an unthinking asshole, buy Hillary some apology flowers or something and commit to hosting a documentary on sexism in the media.

KAY: That seems like a reasonable response. I mean, when you've already had to make a public apology to someone, it seems that maybe it's time to just admit that you say stupid things.

MEGAN: I admit, I say stupid things! See, it's really not that hard!

KAY: Chris Matthews could learn so much from Megan Carpentier.

MEGAN: If nothing else, I'll bet I have better taste in cheap wine! Okay, one last think, can we discuss this new bullshit meme where Republicans like Bill Kristol and John McCain pretend they give a shit about the glass ceiling and sexism because they think we're dumb enough that if they pay lip service to it for 45 seconds we'll vote for them?

KAY: Ugh, this is ridiculous. I hate it when conservatives try to claim that they're more into affirmative action than liberals. Don't worry, though, they wouldn't want to promote policies that try to try to address gender equity or anything. I hear I just need more "training" and then discrimination will just disappear.

MEGAN: Oh, right! Silly me! If I were just smarter, and worked harder and were more aggressive, if I put off getting married and having children and just focused on my career, I'd totally be in the same position as a man my age would. If I weren't a blogger, that is. But, still. If all men were that much more aggressive than me, we wouldn't really have a civilization.

KAY: Right, but be careful with becoming a "career girl." You wouldn't want to become some kind of frigid bitch that never has children. That would be the worst thing in the world.

MEGAN: Right, if I never breed because I'm too aggressively pursuing my career and my "training" so that I can be equal with a man, no man will want to ever marry me or seed my uterus, and I will live a life of misery forever. Being a girl is so hard. Not as hard as getting up at 6:30 local time to do Crappy Hour with me after a night of drinking, though!

KAY: I get the feeling it's gonna be like this all week.