So, OMG you guys, the fourth season of The Hills premiered last night, and it was totally full of dramz. First, Lauren went on a date with a fratty Ryan Reynolds-esque boy named Doug, and this was supposed to be a big deal because she hasn't gone on multiple dates with a guy since she was dating Brody Jenner, which was two seasons ago. Of course none of this is true; it seems like every time Lauren is preparing for a date with a guy she laments the fact that this is the "first date" she has gone on since she dated Brody. Anyway, after her "successful" date with Doug, Lauren invited him to a birthday party she and Lo were throwing for Audrina at their house, and that was when things got interesting.
The party appeared to be going smoothly, with Audrina inviting all of the mall punks she could find between the Hollywood Hills and Oceanside (read: a lot) and Lauren's love interest Doug stopped by with the ubiquitous friend-of-guy, Frankie. However, things were not all coke-dazes and rainbows for Lo, who began pouting because she doesn't know Audrina's friends and didn't think Audrina was "reciprocating" all of Lauren and Lo's efforts to make the party a smash success. After the party was over, Lo decided to confront Audrina about the issues in their non-friendship. Unfortunately for Lo, Audrina didn't seem interested in pretending to have a friendship with her, especially since Lo grabbed every opportunity to be as passive aggressive and bitchy as she could be and the talk ended with Audrina telling Lo, "we'll never be friends." Strangely enough, Audrina was kind of right on this one: not everyone needs to be friends with one another other, especially if one person feels the need to bring their middle school-level of bitchiness to every interaction they have. (Wait, did we just imply that someone on The Hills has some showings of maturity? Yuck, we need to find something to read to expel this looming feeling of vapidity that is hanging over us. Quick, someone hand us some Proust, we're having a crisis here.)