NYC Attorney Out To Reclaim His Ex Wife From Feminism's Clutches, Get Laid Easier

About eight years ago, Roy Den Hollander was living the high life. He'd just returned to New York from a decade working in Russia with a pretty, young, docile Russian bride in tow and was set to live the high life. Then he found out what all his friends and acquaintances in Russia knew but hadn't told him (and I know, because I called some of them and asked): that she'd married him for her green card and his money and set on about divorcing him. He admits that he's still bitter [quelle surprise], which is why he spends all his time these days filing "antifeminist" lawsuits, to try to rid the world of feminism so that in twenty years he can marry a wife untainted by some foolish idea that she is his intellectual equal or better and so that, in the mean time, he can get laid more cheaply. Yeah, he's the same guy that filed lawsuits against bars and clubs that have "Ladies Nights." Oh, brother.

At least Hollander admitted to the New Yorker that he's got better luck with women when he can talk to them rather then when they get a look at his mug — though he refused to cop to his age, his résumé suggests he turned 50 since his divorce. He says, post-divorce, "I tend to be attracted to black and Latin chicks, and Asian chicks," so all you ladies of color out there, he likes to hang out at the Copa and salsa dance, which I'm sure he's, like, totally good at.

But to today's tall tale of woe from the man that feminists forgot — or tried to, anyway. He looks like that creepy guy that used to go to the 19+ clubs in college and stare at all the girls who wouldn't fuck him. But, obviously, that's not his fault for being a creepy bastard trying too recapture his lost youth by boning drunk chicks half his age, it's Feminism's fault for convincing drunk chicks half his age that they could do better. Way better.

And where does feminism inculcate women to eschew boning creepy old dudes that will divorce you in 10 years for the younger model because there will always be a younger model? Why, Columbia University, where Roy Den did his M.B.A. If you can't get laid at Columbia as a 40 year old asshole-y MBA student, really, it's the fault of the goddamned Women's Studies Department. So he's suing them for "using government aid to preach a 'religionist belief system called feminism.'" Feminism, as we all know, teaches us to hate Men, "spreading prejudice and fostering animosity and distrust toward men with the result of the wholesale violation of men’s rights due to ignorance, falsehoods and malice." Also, it "demonizes men and exalts women in order to justify discrimination against men based on collective guilt." Thus, since Feminism is a religion dedicated to violating the God-given rights of men, Columbia's program violates the Constitution of the United States and must die a litigious death.

Look, I took a women's study class in college, with a woman who considered herself a prominent first-wave feminist. If there was any class that taught me to dislike and take with a grain of salt any first-waver who said she was out there to help me, it was that class with that arrogant, undermining, fake-nice woman who gave me the lowest grade in the class (despite the highest marks throughout) for daring to disagree with her policy prescriptions and political philosophy during class discussion. I got my feminism from my dad, jerk-face, who taught me that I am any man's equal and many men's better and that I don't have to and never should kowtow to a man for anything, including sex, money, love or support.

So, look, I would almost feel bad for you that your ex-wife conned you into marrying her so she could get her green card, but you're such a jerk I kind of don't. But your friends in Russia said that if you're so damned desperate to get back to a society in which women are considered 2nd-class citizens and the "rights" of men are respected by the courts over the rights of women (especially in cases of date rape, which you so lovingly advocate in your New Yorker profile as the way things ought to be), you can always go back to Russia. I'm sure we'd even take up a collection to help buy you a plane ticket.

Roy Den Hollander's Résumé [Roydenhollander.com]
Lawyer Files Antifeminist Suit Against Columbia [NY Times]
Hey La-a-a-dies [New Yorker]

Send an email to Megan Carpentier, the author of this post, at askalobbyist@gmail.com.

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