The Edwards Scandal Will Not Be Allowed To Die!People has Elizabeth Edwards on its cover this week, not that she posed for it or is quoted directly within it but, despite her plea for privacy, everyone just wants to know how she feels about the world knowing that her husband cheated on her. (Hint: Not good.) So David "TRex" Ferguson and I act like good little voyeurs and have a peek but get distracted by Keith Olberman's rant about how awesome smart women are (call me, Keith!) and Rachel Maddow, how Michelle Malkin is in no way responsible for Arkansas Dem Bill Gwatney's assassination, Media Matter's Paul Waldman's takedown of right-winger Jerome Corsi, becoming a minority, KFC and David's Unified Field Theory of Gay Republicans.MEGAN: Morning! People has this stupid teaser on its webpage for its cover story on Elizabeth Edwards' feelings told by other people as though people like you and I are going to run out and buy the magazine? I'd be tempted to make an appointment with my acupuncturist who has a description and gets it in the office, which costs a hell of a lot more money but is more useful than a magazine. Anyway, apparently, it hurt to hear that her husband was sticking his penis in other women. Has your curiosity been satiated? DAVID: I don't feel like I'll have a real handle on the story until Mike Allen at the Politico has interviewed Elizabeth about her Hollywood crushes, though. MEGAN: I'll be she thinks George Clooney is cute. DAVID: Well, clearly the lesson from all this is that we shouldn't vote for John Edwards in November. Now, can we move along, people? MEGAN: Wait, though, can we go back to Rush Limbaugh for a second? Because I think I might be allowed to crush on Keith Olbermann after he went after Rush last night. (Skip to minute 3, if you want to see it.) DAVID: Oh, sweet. I need to watch that. Olbermann is uneven for me. Sometimes he's awesome and then other times he goes so far over the top. Whereas my love for Rachel Maddow is unconditional and all-consuming. MEGAN: Yes, I have to agree about Rachel, but, um, Keith could, say, call me in Denver and yell about how awesome smart women are for a while. DAVID: So, what do you think about Arkansas? Do you feel like the shooting was politically motivated? MEGAN: I mean, if it wasn't politically motivated, why Gwatney in particular? DAVID: Most reports I'm seeing are refraining from speculation about motivation, but I have a sinking feeling in my stomach that this is exactly what I was talking about yesterday with the Limbots going insane and lashing out at Librull Amurrka. Of course, the fact that Righty screamer Michelle Malkin felt the need to issue a denial of involvement before the body was even cold speaks volumes to me. MEGAN: Some Internet troll types think it's another Clinton conspiracy. For real. DAVID: Conservatism, I am starting to believe, is a form of mental illness. Malkin is up to her old tricks again of publishing the contact information of people who challenge her. If you go down that thread and look, Malkin published some detractor's email address and full name and her commenters are bragging about looking up the guy's mother's name and threatening her. MEGAN: Hey, you know, that shit got some dudes a NY Times Magazine cover story, so... DAVID: Delightful people. Funny how much her denial of blame yesterday reminds me of her denial of blame in the death of UC Santa Cruz administrator Denice Denton. MEGAN: Yes, we get it, Michelle, you are not personally responsible for all the evil in the world, not even the evil committed by your fans. Speaking of pissing off Michelle's fans, did you see that the Census Bureau came out with new figures that say white people won't be the majority by 2042? Interesting timing on that one. DAVID: Except that she is. But speaking of trolls, did you see Larry King last night? Larry King and Paul Waldman handed Obama-bashing Jerome Corsi's his ass on a pizza. HA! Segway jinx! Yes, 2042 is when Mark Penn's target voters will no longer be the top dogs. To tell you the truth, I'm a little disappointed because I thought that white people were already outnumbered. MEGAN: I mean, is it just a little interesting to you that the government comes out with these figures that we've all know for ages now that prompt headlines like White Americans no longer a majority by 2042 a mere 11 days before the start of the first Democratic convention which will make Obama (an African-American) the first major- party candidate for President? Or am I just that paranoid? DAVID: When it comes to the perfidy of corporate media, I don't think you can ever be too paranoid, can you? MEGAN: Possibly not. DAVID: I mean, you've got Karl Rove's buttboy in at the top of the AP, GE owns NBC and MSNBC, then there's ClearChannel and Pox News. Even public radio and television are beholden to big money donors like BP and Wal-Mart. MEGAN: You know what's really funny? DAVID: Really, Megan, it's all down to you. You alone can tell the world the Truth. What's funny? MEGAN: A good friend of mine used to work at Alticor, which owns Amway (which, of course) doesn't advertise AND is heavily Republican... and they complain about the perfidy of the corporate media and the influence of advertising dollars, too. Aaaanyway, back to topical stuff... Want to talk about how this might be the first convention since 1984 that Jesse Jackson doesn't speak at? Or that he'll watch D.C. mayor Adrian Fenty (kind of a cutie) and House Majority Whip Jim Clyburn but not House Ways and Means Committee Chairman Charlie Rangel speak (though, the latter might be because he's had a couple of easily-foreseen ethical scandals crop up recently)? DAVID: Oh, well, I think that might be for the best, don't you? Maybe he has a pressing gig talking about spaying and neutering at a veterinary convention. Honestly, I think it may be time for Reverend Jackson to spend some more time with his families. MEGAN: I'm actually kind of disappointed in Charlie Rangel. It's like when people in D.C. said, "No one could be a bigger, more condescending prick who abuses the power of his office than Bill Thomas" he took that as a challenge. DAVID: Everybody needs goals in life. Charlie was just reaching for that rainbow, living the dream. Can we really fault him for that? MEGAN: Sort of like the owner of the gay cruising site that's maxed out to McCain. DAVID: Well, I have a theory about that. MEGAN: Self-loathing? Or straight entrepreneur? DAVID: Your gay Republican types thrive in an atmosphere of repression and secrecy. They want their gay sex dirty, shameful, and totally secret. They don't want to have stable gay marriages or adopt kids. They want to get down on it Larry Craig style. MEGAN: And so he thinks in a McCain administration his cruising site will do better? Actually, given McCain's incredibly gay entourage, that might not be too far off the mark. DAVID: I've thought about this a lot. I never could understand why someone would be a gay Republican. It's like being a chicken for Col. Sanders. MEGAN: God, reading that just made my stomach growl. DAVID: But then the more I thought about it, and as more and more and more twisted gay sex scandals came to light in the GOP, I started putting together my Unified Field Theory of Gay Republicans. For them it's all about The Forbidden. Well, that and racism.