One of the most offensive things about Philip Nobel's How-I-Left-Your-Mother Elle essay, "Danger Man," is the way he writes about the two women it primarily involves: his unnamed ex-wife, and his ex-girlfriend, "Ingrid." The difficulty of accurately describing the people one is close to aside, it seems inexcusable for any man to call the mother of his children "insufficiently curious", let alone point out that throughout their 15-year relationship, Nobel apparently felt the need to "edit out of conversation the allusions I didn't think she would get." When Nobel turns his gaze on Ingrid, his then-22-year-old research assistant and the woman for whom he left his wife, he is creepily objectifying and infantilizing in turn. He never misses an opportunity to mention Ingrid's "big tits" or her "bombshell" looks — yet he also paints a patronizing picture of a lost little girl. My first reaction to the essay was disbelief: No way could either of these women actually exist within the circumscribed lines of Nobel's self-serving plea for sympathy. And then I met "Ingrid" last weekend — and discovered I was right. A very special take-back-the-discourse with Ingrid, after the jump.