Tatiana, our favorite anonymous fashion model, has got her long-fingered, well-manicured hands on the not-so-svelte September issues of our "favorite" ladymags. One day after digging into that horrendous Philip Nobel piece, Tatiana trains her eye on the fashion editorials in the newest issue of Elle...and gets annoyed by the expensive shit and overplayed poses.Reading a September ladymag is sort of like picking up a Russian novel. Fall's perennial Biggest Issues Ever each weigh more than a laptop, and boast a recurring cast of characters whose minute shifts in fortune are as fascinating to the interested observer as any copy of Dead Souls. But with the added bonus of the inevitable Photoshop disasters! Join me, your intrepid Anonymous Model, after the jump as I critique the fashion spreads and campaigns immortalized in the 636 fascinating pages of the latest Elle magazine.
Elle adds six (6!) whole stories to the fashion discourse this season. Seven (7!) if you count the spread where the posing comes courtesy of a French singer I've never heard of who tends to lose her neck in photos - which I, as a model who objects to the idea that any old spackled-up five-foot-nothing permabronzed celebutard who thinks symmetrical features parlay into magnetism can do what I do, do not.
Eleven pages purport to illustrate ten archetypal New! Fall! Trends! - wanna be a Rocker? You will need this thing called a leather jacket - and nine images explore the supposed manifest accord between the "architectural" mood of the coming season and the pyramids at Giza. (No, really.) Hana Soupukova jumps around in ten pages spliced in directly from September, 1988, and then there's an eight-look fellatio of Giorgio Armani. Involving silver Hammer pants and slippers. Stephanie Seymour lends her magnificent schnoz to the shilling of denim and a $970 belt, and the obligatory accessories shoot is carried off with such aplomb by the sublimely beautiful Alison Nix that I actually don't think I've got any snark to spread on that account.