Dear Brian Roberts: Now that your company, Comcast, has bought online advertorial behemoth Daily Candy for a staggering $125 million, you may be wondering what your big bucks will get you. After the jump, allow us to help with a little tour of today's Daily Candy's offerings. Since the ideal Daily Candy reader is willing to spend tons of money on useless, expensive shit, you should fit right in!Since the economy is shot, your corporate credit card is probably getting all flabby in your wallet. So "give your AmEx a workout" at Kirna Zabete.com, featured in Daily Candy Everywhere. Here you can purchase garments described as "high-dollar," which is how we say "expensive" in Candyland.
Even media honchos lounge by the pool sometimes, and Daily Candy can help! Check out their Miami edition, which shills for Krelwear's Resort Collection. These "one-of-a-kind pieces" go best with "a man and a mojito," so get shaking! The best part: they take up to three months to make, so the recession might be over by the time they get to you.
We know Comcast has some "crimes and vices" on its conscience — like allegedly blocking legal BitTorrent traffic. So wash them away with "white gold detoxifying salt from the Himalayas" as seen on Daily Candy New York. How do commoners clean themselves without white gold? You don't even want to know.
And finally, just in case America in 2008 doesn't seem enough like a moribund monarchy in which the poor are neglected by a thoughtless aristocracy, take a look at Daily Candy Chicago. That's right, today's headline is "Let Them Eat Cake." "Sophisticated organic" cake, that is, not from a mere bakery but from a "cake parlor." Recessionlicious! xo, Jezebel Comcast Sets Deal To Buy Daily Candy [Wall Street Journal]