Being A Bitch Is Every Smart Woman's Birthright

Much has been said recently about the dearth of actual bitches these days (including by Moe), but there is always more to say. Fresh from the very pro-bitch Guardian, Victoria Coren's column further expands on the much-stated need to increase the bitchiness of the world today. She notes that there's an enormous difference between bitching and being a bitch, and bemoans the lack of women with superiority complexes in the world today. What she implies but never comes right out and says is that being a bitch is a job best suited to the intellectuals among us.

Coren and Julie Birchill before her both note that, in a more sexually open society, sexual put-downs are a no-no and faux-sympathetic put-downs rule the day when we're not too busy being self-deprecating. They long for a time when women (at least on film, and often from scripts written by men) could bring another woman to her knees with a good and well-timed insult. The thing about insults is, though, that good ones require a knowledge of your enemy and her weak spots.

Calling me fat isn't going to make me cry because, frankly, I have a mirror in my bedroom, honey, I know what my ass looks like and I've made my peace with that — and it gives me a great piece of insight into your body-consciousness. Call me slutty and I'll send you dozens of links to columns I've written about sex, but I'll also know who's going to be susceptible to a crack about her own sex life. Try to mock me (or fake-sympathize with me) for being single at 30 and I might not comment on all the scales under my clothes but I will find a way to slide in some snide comments about the state of your own possibly unhappy coupling. Being a bitch requires more than airing your insecurities, it requires finding out what mine are and exploiting them.

But in a society in which most people don't take the time to pay attention to others to find out anything important (let alone their psychic weak spots), when we're constantly playing oneups(wo)manship for who can win the most votes in a neverending popularity contest in which being a bitch will only take you so far, of course being The Bitch has fallen out of favor. Being a bitch requires time and effort and a certain utter lack of caring what people think about you or how to be the cool kid that simply isn't done anymore. Too many of us look back at the school days and the girls (or boys) that were mean to us and vow not to win popularity in that way, so we fake sympathy and empathy and try to be Miss Congeniality while nonetheless plotting to gain advantage at the expense of others. God forbid life not be a popularity contest either way. Give me a bitch who will try to claw my eyes out any day over a priss who'll stab me in the back, thanks; it'll be more amusing for everyone involved.

Bring Back The Red-Blooded Bitch [The Guardian]
Britain Would Be A Better Place If We Had More Bitches [The Guardian]