If you haven't yet seen John McCain's new anti-Obama advertisement, it handily splices in photos of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton in between statements on Obama's opposition to further offshore oil-drilling and support for taxing electrical companies. What's the connection between two celebrities and those two issues? None that we can see (and we looked hard), but apparently Britney and Paris are famous-for-no-reason (other than, oh, a musical career, a television show and a couple of forgettable movie roles between them) and Obama is popular-for-no-reason and that's bad. Well, McCain might not have the popularity of Obama, Britney or Paris, but we've counted the things he does have in common with the latter two.
- John McCain was held in the Hanoi Hilton.
- John McCain was held in a camp, The Simple Life was held in a camp.
- John McCain's wife, elder daughter, Paris and Britney all use the same shade of hair dye.
- John McCain and Britney both left their first spouses high and dry and then slept around for a while.
- Kevin Federline left Britney a single parent with weekend visitation; John McCain left Cindy in Arizona to parent singly and only came home on the weekends.
- Paris Hilton has her stock pose of putting her hand on her hip, John McCain has his stock pose of giving a thumb's up. (Both are terribly out of date.)
- Paris wants to be seen embracing the Bible but does nothing overtly religious or compassionate; John McCain wants to be seen embracing the Bible-thumpers but does nothing overtly religious or compassionate.
- Paris uses the "n" word, and some suspect John McCain does, too. (McCain did call his wife a cunt, though. It's close!)
- All of them travel with extensive entourages of gay men.
- None of them would draw a crowd of 200,000 people for a speech about America's relationship with Germany.