Women's magazines are full of tips about understanding the male gender via heavily edited anecdotes from a handful of highly mainstream twentysomethings. August's Cosmo, for instance, offers insight into "males' deepest sex secrets" — and then delivers a dude named Jim telling you not to kiss his chest. However, this kind of bullshitty inductive reasoning is not solely the province of the ladymag — Esquire does it too, in their "10 Things You Don't Know About Women" feature. We know Step Brothers Actress Andrea Savage is trying to be fun and funny in this month's list, but we're really not amused.
First things first:
"1. Wedding rings need to be sparkly to remind us not to have sex with other people."
I'm not married, but my boyfriend keeps me in line with eye jewelry. I can't see other men, and when they see me, they run away retching. Seriously, plenty of women manage not to cheat despite having neither a ring nor a marriage. Also, way to spread the notion that what keeps women happy and committed is diamonds, as opposed to, like, a healthy relationship.
2. Completely shaving your genitals does not make them look bigger. It just makes you look gayer.
4. Murdering someone because he snores should be admissible in a court of law.
What should be the penalty for regurgitating annoying relationship clichés, Andrea?
8. We don't understand your fascination with boobs, but we're happy you have it.
Really? Many women I know find boobs — and the female body in general — beautiful and fascinating. Items two and eight speak to a sexual rigidity and that's all over women's magazines too. This don't-kiss-my-chest-don't-shave-your-genitals rhetoric isn't just prudish, it's also really damaging, because it perpetuates the idea that all men are the same, all women are the same, and men and women are totally different from each other. And that if you want to know what a woman thinks you should read a magazine instead of, you know, asking her.