When you hear the words "Cartier International Polo at the Guards Club in Windsor," avant-garde fashion probably doesn't spring to mind. But even so, I was shocked — shocked! — at the scope and splendor of the dowdiness on display. Emma Watson, left, looked adorable, but the general assemblage of peers and British celebs seemed determined to out-frump each other. And then, to make everything weirder, Dita Von Teese! Scratch your heads along with me, after the jump.

The Good:
It took me a sec, too. It's Natalie Imbruglia!
Dita Von Teese probably knows what works for her better than anyone in the world, and this peach number is proof-positive of it. None of which explains what the hell she's doing here.


The Bad:
I must admit, there's something kind of jolly-looking about Kelly Brook's outfit, even though in combination — gloves, skirt length etc. — it's completely absurd. Who is she? Why, an "English model, actress, and occasional swimwear designer and television presenter."
Lady Victoria Hervey is one of your British pseudo-celebs. And is wearing a sort of metallic sack-jumper.


The Frumpy
Stefanie Powers' jacket: the last touch.
Former model Marie Helvin looks miserable. Must be because she's achieved the rare combination of cheesy and frumpy in one garment.
Well, "violin techno-acoustic fusion" musician Vanessa-Mae looks very modest, if it's any consolation.
I don't know what it is about tiered dresses like 'weather girl' Lara Lewington's — I mean, extend those layers and you've got a rad ra-ra dress — but they occupy their own circle in the dowdiness pantheon.

[Images via Getty]