Bridesmaid Revisited: How Friends' Beauty Standards Affect Our Own

Yeah, yeah we know: the Times has a ludicrous article up about brides who pressure their bridesmaids, mothers and mothers-in-law to get Botox, boob jobs and chemical peels for their most special of special days. And yes, it's a disgusting display of materialism, looksism, narcissism and many other unfortunate -isms that we would not like to be associated with. But what I find more interesting is the friendship dynamics at play. Dodai already covered frenemies earlier today, and I wouldn't even say the women in this piece are frenemies, because no one seems to be insulted when their soon to-be-wed buddy suggests they get a little freshening up. Actually, they're delighted, because getting these treatments is the norm in their social circle. I think what this article is really about is how our friends' cosmetic choices affect our own self-images.

"Bridesmaids — who may quietly seethe about unflattering dresses — are surprisingly willing to pay for cosmetic enhancements," the Times' Abby Ellin writes. "'Most women, when they come in here, they want it,' said Camille Meyer, the owner of TriBeCa MedSpa. 'They know they’re aging.'" And if all your friends are getting botox, and none of them are going to have crows feet any more, it probably takes an abundance of self-esteem to own your crows feet unapologetically.

Sure, at first you might stand strong with your hard-earned wrinkles, but after the third person has asked you if you're really "tired" on your girls night out, your resolve might fade a little. We are all, whether we like to admit it or not, deeply affected by our peers' behavior. When I was in high school, it never occurred to me to pluck my eyebrows. They weren't particularly fuzzy and I really never noticed them. When I got to college, however, my good friend cornered me in her dorm room with a pair of sharp tweezers and said, "Honey, you really have to deal with this." I wasn't at all offended, either. And yes, there is a difference between a bit of eyebrow pluckin' and actual cosmetic surgery, but the impulses involved are similar.

That said, the woman who told her mother-in-law, "‘You should do Botox for the wedding!" is a damn fool. I'm sure your husband's mom is going to love you from now on, lady. Have fun at Christmas!

It’s Botox for You, Dear Bridesmaids [NY Times]

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