What Doesn't Change Stays The Same

Nixon may still be dead, but some things in life do have to change. Our hangovers, though, don't have to! Nor does our obsession with economics, David Brooks, debtor culture, whether we should really like Cindy McCain, fake interviews, Condi's exercise regimen, our hatred for Karl Rove and Ken Paves' competition. All that, plus what will be changing, is all after jump if you can to join me and Moe, of course!

MEGAN: Oh, hey, so, apparently we all agree that Obama hasn't screwed anything up yet on his trip. And I think Obama knows where to recruit door-knockers for Florida, if only because I think the sight of a bunch of Palestinians knocking on doors saying "Ma'am, believe me, we know, Barack Obama isn't going to change the United States' policies on Israel one iota."
MOE: I DRANK SO MUCH LAST NIGHT actually I didn't I just drank enough. Surprising fact: I did not drink on Saturday or Sunday night at all. Not one drop! When that happens it throws my system out of whack you know.
MEGAN: I know, it's like, the sun is less bright on those days. I started buying beer, actually, because it was so hot and to get into shape for Germany but I can't consume enough of it all in one sitting to get drunk, it's a little sad still.
MOE: Oh look David Brooks is talking about debtor nation again huh cool.
MEGAN: In honor of your hangover, I recommend reading this analysis of how, by not publishing McCain's OpEd on Obama and the surge, the New York Times MOE: Holy itshay is that you Bobo??

This third position begins with the notion that people are driven by the desire to earn the respect of their fellows. Individuals don’t build their lives from scratch. They absorb the patterns and norms of the world around them.

Yeah regarding McCain, he wouldn't have looked like an idiot I don't think because who reads op-eds "written" by really important people? (Exception that proves the rule being Angelina of course.)
MEGAN: Dammit, I hate agreeing with Brooks! I mean, he does it without resorting to Marxism which is where you or I would go with it, but the idea that we're eroded a social norm by scaling down luxury goods, accept indebtedness as a way of life and normifying conspicuous consumption, man, dammit, I hate that. It's like, even my friends in Germany were surprised that as an American the only debts I have are student loans and my mortgage.
Like, even they all know we're a fucked up country when it comes to debt, even if they only know if because they're importing our debt culture like the rest of the bits of the worst of American culture we export elsewhere.
Oh, wait, phew, all is right in the world as Brooks descends into madness again.

The Treasury and the Fed are trying to stabilize the system while still ensuring that those who made mistakes feel the pain.

LOLZ, the government is trying to make sure people who made mistakes feel the pain. Sure, unless you're Bear Stearns or Freddie Mac or Fannie Mae, sure unless you're the trader that committed the frauds that undermined the stability of IndyMac and cost a bunch of old people their (uninsured) retirement savings and shit. "Feel the pain." The people that caused most of the problems won't feel any pain.
MEGAN: Anyway, so, the GOP has decided to stop suing people for using their logo which is like unAmerican to stop suing people and yet it's anti-trial lawyer and sort of pro-tort reform so perhaps more fitting with Republican ideology.
MOE: And I still don't know what to talk about, I guess there was that meme about how Colin Powell and Condi Rice may endorse Obama because of that whole identity politics factor but Condi identifies more with fellow alienbots so I'm thinking no on that one.
MEGAN: Yeah, I mean, what exactly is fitting with her political ideology that Obama espouses?
MOE: Well I think her exercise regimen is a big component of her ideology, and she totes has a crush on Michelle. But is that enough? Well shit, maybe for Condi!
MEGAN: Ok, can we talk about the fact that Cindy McCain travels with a stylist? I knew her and Megan's hair was too shiny to be true.
MOE: Oh I guess we have to talk about Obama's "fake" interviews. I mean, it would be one thing if someone said this who did not work for the memefactory, but I see what she's saying. That's the one thing I always dug about McCain is his "I'm just going to babble about whatever pops into my mind" PR strategy.
And Meghan HAS to have extensions right?
MEGAN: I don't know, I mean, I have seen her up close, if they are extensions, Ken Paves is grinding his teeth down to little points in envy.
MOE: Whoa I did not realize Cindy

fought her fear of campaigning via small planes by getting her pilot's license without telling her husband

Oh this is a good story, I love Libby Copeland.
MEGAN: I mean, you want to hate her, and then it's just hard. She's so nice-seeming.
The charity work, etc. Also, wtf, Andrea Mitchell? I'm not sure I get that, is she just mad she flew all the way over their and Obama chose Lara Logan or something?
MOE: (The writer.) (Who I was like totally jealous of for like ninety years because she went to school with me and NEVER WORKED A MILLISECOND ON THE SCHOOL PAPER WHERE I TOILED.) I did not think she was so good when she started at the Washington Post but now I love pretty much everything she does and I have to say, it is nice to suspect you would dislike someone and then turn out to be wrong. Okay, so Cindy McCain, she seems cool, I have to say. Not as cool as Michelle, but the thing about having disadvantages or whatever is that it is sometimes its own advantage, and Cindy grew up rich and blond and cheerleadery in Arizona. I wonder if she ever even saw Do The Right Thing. Nevertheless, she was just in Cambodia.
MEGAN: And for Operation Smile, which we all know I have a very soft spot for, even if the founder seemed totally amazed that I didn't have a speech impediment when we met once.
MOE:

"You just can't just help but love her, honey," says John's mother, the irrepressible 96-year-old Roberta McCain, who several times during an interview says she has nothing to say and then keeps adding things. She describes Cindy as a seamless mother who has managed her four children's lives with seeming effortlessness, all while looking fantastic and wearing the most stylish clothes. "I don't see any chink in her armor, and I'm not biased," she says.

MEGAN: Yes, as a mother-in-law, you certainly wouldn't be biased at all Roberta. Now, see, this is a serious question. I can't say from his first wife, as she's not so keen to do interviews, but between his mother, her, and Cindy, how in the world does McCain still not know better than to tell anti-woman jokes? Because, really, he's kind of surrounded by cool-seeming chicks. I want to totally be Roberta McCain when I'm 92, if I don't off myself at 60 of course.
MOE: hahaha

She is, in the words of her brother-in-law Joe McCain, a self-editor. Aware she is under a spotlight, she recognizes that everything she says must be carefully framed, or it can be taken out of context. "The best way to put it in context is to not say it," he says.

I am getting that tattooed on my knuckles.
MEGAN: Fuck my knuckles, I might be wearing gloves! I'm getting that tattooed upside down on my cleavage, the one thing that is always visible.
MOE: omg let's get tattoos together!
MEGAN: Yes, totally, I have been itching for one for years, I'd bet Attackerman knows a place, you know, somehow.
MOE: Yo this is really rough:

"John was with me the first time I lost a baby," she told Harper's Bazaar last year, "but not for those after, which was hard."

MEGAN: Yeah, I read that then and I felt awful for her. I mean, dude, as obviously as she wanted kids and as young as she apparently was, you have to wonder how they got through that. It wasn't like in the 50s or something, you know?
Also, can we all say a heart "Fuck you" to Karl Rove for this again?

She did, however, cry in front of reporters after smear attacks during the 2000 South Carolina primary insinuated that McCain had fathered an illegitimate black child — a reference to Bridget, born in Bangladesh.

All together, please: Fuck you, Karl Rove.
MOE: Here's another thing, like, she didn't feel like she was addicted because he didn't notice. Oh my, you know, like that is a lesson: do not rely on dudes to notice you have a problem, or really, anything at all about your condition unless they somehow interpret it to involve you being "mad" at them. I bet she was actually weirdly flattered that one time he called her a trollop for wearing too much makeup because it was like, you noticed?
MEGAN: Oh, God, I hear that for sure. Like, actually, a friend of a friend divorced his wife (eventually) for being a coke addict and he only noticed when he couldn't get money out of an ATM one day and went to the bank to complain and found out they didn't have any more. Like, any. That's an addiction.
Also, I stopped trying long ago with dudes. If I want them to notice, I'll say "Hey, I got my haircut, do you like it," or, "Hey, I dyed it red, what do you think," or, "Hey, I lost 30 pounds, what do you think of my ass now," you know, shit like that.
MOE: Hahaha I feel like dudes are pretty good at noticing that shit. "You look different…good" Hey thanks I washed my hair! I found that purple eyeshadow that vaguely recalls Debbie Gibson circa Electric Youth but oh well! I brushed my hair! I'm wearing a color other than black or gray! It's more like the, I dunno, subtler stuff they are shitty about. That's actually why I don't think it's such a bad thing to write about them on the internet.
MEGAN: Maybe I just date really oblivious dudes. But, also, my emotions aren't really subtle. And I try not to blog about actual dudes I'm currently dating. Dudes I used to date — particularly if they've pissed me off and aren't speaking to me anyway — somehow feel like fair game. Oh, also, before we end this, we should probably mention the fact that Radovan Karadžić was arrested yesterday.
MOE: oh right he totally was!
MEGAN: Amusingly, to tie it back into drinking, reportedly while drinking a beer on the street! Man, who knew Belgrade was so much like Boston?
MOE: This is a really educational blog post that puts things nicely in perspective! So this guy's poetry: crappy or what? Hmm.

In his defense, his supporters say that he is no more guilty than any other war-time political leader. His ability to evade capture for over a decade made him a local hero among the Bosnian Serbs.

So maybe now that he has been arrested while drinking a beer he will look less badass?
MEGAN: Hrm, well, being a bit of a translator myself, I sort of wonder if the reason these sound so incredibly shitty is translation error, but thematically I think they're also overblown and so I'm going to call crappy.
Also, I think Richard Byrne is suggesting that Ratko Mladić, the guy behind Srebrenica, might off himself rather than turn himself or be captured. And, to your point, that's totally what Byrne says, that not only will Karadžić look like a f'idiot, but that the former government that "couldn't find him" might look stupid to the people on whose support they counted. God, if only making an Administration look like a bunch of bumbling incompetent idiots would work here. God, we could dream, right?

Send an email to Megan Carpentier, the author of this post, at askalobbyist@gmail.com.

publish on Facebook

Upload an image | Add an image URL ×

Image URL: ×

Youtube URL: ×

Choose a file to upload:

×

Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×

Loading comments ...

Earlier discussions | Other discussions | Show all discussions | Show featured discussions only | Expand all threads Collapse all threads
Start a new discussion