The Secret Message Of Page Six Magazine's "Real Life Carrie Bradshaw" Story

As anyone who saw the brilliant (if heavy-handed) Marxist satire Sex & The City: The Movie can attest, Modern Love knows no more determined foe than excessive product placement. But some women were too busy planning extravagant destination weddings for 250 to go see the movie with their 10 bridesmaids in time to save their unions from consumerist soul murder, a Catch (the bouquet, ha ha!) 22 exposed yesterday in a poignant Page Six Magazine piece detailing the nuptial miss of Brazilian model Ana Maria Macedo, whose own Mr. Big, a Swedish financier, called off their wedding via a [popular video-enabled instant message program.] What to do? Instead of stopping off at [iconic luxury jewelry chain] to pick up the wedding jewels, she called her (gay) friend Sam and demanded he accompany her to the movie he had definitely already seen. "I watched it and cried. I started to see myself in what Carrie had done. I thought, 'Oh, no.'" Where exactly had she gone wrong? Well, scribe Rachel Syme can't exactly write "seriously New Yorkers, stop dropping names and buying shit already," so she couches the fable in distracting little asides such as how she has lots of plastic surgery, brought up marriage on their first date and went as a bride for Halloween. But let's get to the point! Employing the technique of this Orwell scholar I know I decoded the story's subversive message simply by removing the following words:

Diane von Furstenberg, Nicole Miller (3 mentions), Coke, Marquee, Tiffany, Cain, Budwieser, Skype, Chanel, Tenjune, Matsuri, Pink Elephant (3 mentions), Pastis, Cipriani, Le Bilboquet, Mediterraneo, 1 Oak, Hotel Gansevoort, Matsuri, Lazaro

See if you can figure out which is the name of her dog!

The Secret Message Of Page Six Magazine's "Real Life Carrie Bradshaw" Story

The Secret Message Of Page Six Magazine's "Real Life Carrie Bradshaw" Story

The Secret Message Of Page Six Magazine's "Real Life Carrie Bradshaw" Story

And see, see how happy the last page is, rid of all those pointless proper nouns? Awwwwwwwwwww, puke.

The Secret Message Of Page Six Magazine's "Real Life Carrie Bradshaw" Story

I Was Jilted Like A Real-Life Carrie Bradshaw [Page Six Magazine]

Related: Buy This Harvard-Free Keith Gessen Book And Win The Culture War! [Gawker]

Earlier: Will Sex & The City Make You A Communist?