I'm not going to lie to you. I don't know who DJ Cassidy is. I mean, now I do, because I read the endless, really grandiose bio on his web page ("In 1992, a fifth-grader names Cassidy Podell asked his parents to buy him deejay equipment for his eleventh birthday. When he was given two turntables and a mixer, DJ Cassidy was born.") But anyway, he appears to have had a big birthday bash last night at Cipriani in New York, which attracted such poorly-dressed glitterati as road-rager Lizzie Grubman and ANTM 8 Jaslene. So unimpressive were the getups on display that I've foregone the "Good/Bad" designations. However, there is an Ugly! To see it, plus more of the DJ's pink tux, take a jump with me.

Here's a clearer pic of the man of the hour. I think DJ Cassidy is only, like, 25, so I guess we can cut him some slack. You know how in high school there's always that guy who thinks it'll be super-awesome and ironic if he comes to prom in a blue tux or a top hat or something, and then he just looks like an ass? This is kind of like that.

The New York Times has a piece today about how shorts are really just short pants. Ponder this revelatioon your own time. This is Kat De Luna.

Here is a woman you may have heard of: Lizzie Grubman. Two bits of trivia: 1) I used to wait on her in a restaurant where I worked and 2) she was named "Best-Dressed Woman in The Hamptons" that same summer. Both of these things were bad ideas.

Duo Nina Sky. They were not deemed worthy , by the news services, of individual ID. Or perhaps they chose to go incognito because ensembles did not work out as planned? I can sympathize.

This is a good illustration of why I chose to forgo the usual designations today. See, after looking at all these other outfits, Terrance J. (of and Rocsi)'s, date starts to look pretty innocuous - even relatively good! But then I'll look back on it in a few hours and be appalled at myself.

Here's where things start to go strange. Suddenly everyone, like DJ Sky Nellor, is in virginal white. Well, "white" anyway.

Yeah, "virginal" doesn't really seem appropriate to ANTM's Kenya's dress, either.

I deemed it important that you be able to see this profile view of Cassie's dress

, lest you be fooled, as I was, into thinking it more, um, elegant than it is.

The Ugly:

Yes, she did.

This image was lost some time after publication.

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