John McCain: The Story Of Crocs Is The Story Of The American Economy

I like to give John McCain the benefit of the doubt when it's clear he's making a joke. (Like about how he stopped beating his wife.) So I want to defend this clip where he holds up the company Crocs as some paragon of American business innovation. I mean, on one hand, hahahaha: a company that owes its entire business to the groupthink of suburban teenagers subsidized by parents grown fat off home equity loans and decades of runaway corporate earnings growth afforded by the very ingenious business innovations that led Crocs to manufacture its wares in China (whose stock is currently at an all-time low)…why yes, that would be pretty apt symbol for the state of American business! But making a joke about GM would maybe be a little too poignant. Still, McCain's delivery is off, and he mumbles…it's a little embarrassing. But not as embarrassing as Malia Obama thinks her dad can be. That, Fox News, and some hilarious bra shopping stories, courtesy me and Megan after the jump.

Image via the riveting YouTube productionCuttin' Crocs

MOE: Yooooo.

MEGAN: Hey, I am just sitting here contemplating how freakishly tan Joe Scarborough has gotten. I hope he has a good dermatologist.

MOE: I'm sure Charlie Crist has a recommendation!

MEGAN: Charlie Crist totally fake bakes. And/or does a spray-on tan. But now that he's totally getting married, I'm sure his wife will be running her hands all over his naked body regularly so she'll notice any changes in his moles

MEGAN: (I crack myself up sometimes)

MOE: Oh Jesus Christ, seriously?

MOE: (LOL)

MEGAN: I know, dude, wtf? I bet he's still mad at Scarborough for constantly mocking his ugly sweater, though.

"I thought that Fox's coverage during the primary was comprehensive and fair and evenhanded," Mr. Wolfson said Monday in a telephone interview from Liverpool, England, where he was vacationing. "It's a huge audience, and it is important to have a strong, progressive voice on the network."

MOE: Drudge, naturally, is so excited by this news his headline currently reads "HILLARY OPS: FOX NEWS FAIREST"

MEGAN: I love how, like, a year ago, Kos and that crowd were like "NO DEBATES ON FOX NEWS ARGH" and Clinton totally backed out and now her communications guy is fucking joining the network.

MOE: Speaking of, did you read the Carr piece recapping Fox's long history of, uhhh, "comprehensiveness"? To me their alteration of Jacques Steinberg looks less like Nazi propaganda than your basic Mr. Potatohead Garbage Pail antics. Do you think by "evenhanded" Wolfson meant "you have to credit them with keeping his features relatively symmetrical"?

MEGAN: I was totally wondering when someone was going to point that out about the alterations to the picture, because it's actually the first thing I thought when I saw them — like, um, does anyone else notice the anti-Semetic undertones of this? But being a card-carrying, weak-chinned, blonde-haired Anglo-Saxon-verging-on-Aryan type, I didn't feel qualified to point that out but now I do and so I say to Faux News: What the fuck, sirs? Please fire your Photoshop guy.

MEGAN: Also, even though I mentioned it last night, I feel like we should talk briefly about Webb dropping out.

MEGAN: Like, apparently there's hints it's some sort of skeleton? I mean, the man's a former Republican, former Reagan official whose written smutty books has a bunch of kids with 3 different wives... there's more??

MOE: Um, given what we know, is there any reason to believe there's not? Or do you think the reformed Hillary camp had something to do with it?

MEGAN: Ooh, that be some sort of awesome intrigue, wouldn't it? Because the HuffPo story just quotes an anonymous Democratic source that he dropped out after receiving the camp's veting documents to fill out, but that could totally be a Clinton smear job. In which case, Clintonistas,brava! Well done. Just don't do so much of that that George Allen can beat him, mmkay?

MOE:

A Democrat close to Webb confirms that a request for documents preceded his declaration to the Obama campaign. The Democrat said that Webb did not want to relive the vigors of a campaign so soon after his election to the Senate.

He keeps harping on that.

MEGAN: Which itself is kind of a shit thing to say about not running when the guy whose asking you wasn't elected that much before you, actually.

MEGAN: *who's asking you.

MEGAN: Also, I'm just going to put this out there, even if it's not true, this tale of homoerotic wrestling hilarity in the Deep South had better end up in Bruno.

MEGAN:

The audience, as well as local fighters drawn to take part in the show, became enraged. "It set the crowd off lobbing beers," Holland said. "They had beers in plastic cups. Those things can get some distance on them actually."

MOE: OMG did you cover Bruno's fooling of the ex-Mossad agent? Because that = why I read Drudge. There's a lot of Bernanke shit today because of the speech he's giving but I'm not sure I care to address it. Also: I am hungover physically and metaphysically. But I got new meds yesterday so I should probably take one.

MEGAN: I did see the Mossad thing, but because it's Drudge, I sort of ignored. Also, I thought we should mention the fact that Congressman Waxman is scheming to find a way to make Karl Rove's position illegal forever more.

MOE: You know what sucks? When Safari decides to make its Java stop working, and then you're forced to use Firefox, which uses like 100x the ram. Also, did you blog McCain's endorsement of Crocs? I love it when free-marketeers hold up pointless little companies that feed off nothing beyond America's neverending ability to buy into stupid fads as these inspiring success stories that invariably started with two guys and a "great idea." Yeah, plastic shoes, great fucking idea. But anyway, as much as I love that I had nooooo idea what a cringe-inducing public speaker McCain could be, not that I should talk.

MEGAN: The first big speech I ever gave to 200 people (including my boss), I was running 102 fever, I kept running out of the conference room to vomit, I burst capillaries around my eyes and only barely avoided puking on the podium. I've gotten better.

MEGAN: Anyway, I also know the answer to Crocs — not that this is AT ALL surprising, but the founder is a big conservative donor type..

MOE: I have to say, I don't often give them credit, but it looks like Access Hollywood nailed a powerful scoop here.

MEGAN: Also, he doesn't like shopping, he's one of those dudes who likes to walk in and just buy stuff. He's a real guy! Watch him drink beer! Watch him uncomfortably hold Michelle's purse.

MEGAN: Actually, this makes me want to tell a funny story about my dad.

MEGAN: When I was in high school, I needed some new bras, and my dad had a credit card and the availability. We went to Sears. As I'm walking around browsing, my dad's stuck in the middle of the bra department trying not to look anywhere, so he's focused on the sign above one of the racks, which says "underwire" in cursive over a picture of water. My dad says in the typical Carpentier-lacking-volume-control-voice, "What do you need an underwater bra for?"

MEGAN: The sales lady, on her way to rescue both of us had to leave the department she was laughing so hard and sit in the shoe section.

MOE: Um that is AWESOME. My dad would never in a million fucking years go near a bra. In fact, I don't even think I have ever heard him say the word bra. In fact my dad forgoes no opportunity to tell me my "cleavage" is showing, when you and I both know "my cleavage"…well there is no such thing.

MEGAN: I used to take my dad bra-shopping as revenge for all the embarrassment he caused me. It's oneupsmanship on embarrassment in my household, this is why it is really hard to embarrass me and why I do it to other people all the time. And your cleavage is fine but if you would like to trade, I would be happy to do so.

MOE: This is going to shock you, but I'm somewhat occupied with a certain comments thread right now.

MEGAN: Gosh, you think? Might as well let everyone get back to that one if they want.

MOE: My friend Marcus is in the news. He's the new executive editor of the Washington Post! This signals a "generational change." He was in Obama's class at Columbia! And used to co-own a nightclub in Shanghai. I'm hoping he won't be too disturbed by my conduct to give me a job moving his stuff.

MEGAN: Oooh, can he open a good club in D.C.?