• We learned that dressing for success means always wearing a muumuu.
• We debuted a new feature called Shelf Pleasuring wherein we read 70s books full of sexytimes.
• You guys, friends don't make friends get boob jobs.
• They also don't let you board planes with a ton of weed in your suitcase

• Friends do, however, allow you to develop girl crushes on femi-friendly Current TV hosts.
• Also girl crush material: sofa king gorgeous Indian models<
• Speaking of models, Kazakh model Ruslana Korshunova jumped from her apartment building on Sunday night and died. Our Tatiana weighed in on the depersonalization and loneliness rampant in the modeling business.
• But hey! It's not all a bummer this week: we discussed the swoony fanmail we wrote as wee ones.
• So enjoy the long weekend, bitches! This bitch will be celebrating her tail off for the fourth and so should you.

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