Meet Jeremy Abelson! We met him thanks to the ever-life-affirming Page Six Magazine. (Thanks to also-affirming P6M contributor Josh Stein!) If "Crap Email From A Dude" generally serves to remind you why you made that pledge never to date another bartender/bike messenger/Sad Aging Literary Man, the role of such Douche Du Jour types as Paul Janka and Mike Cherico and John Fitzgerald Page and now Jeremy Abelson - the 28-year-old promoter behind that Fashion Meets Finance party - is to forgive you for relapsing with that unemployed two-timing performance poet or whatever because oh, my God, it gets so much fucking worse when you start dabbling in the sort of dudes who control assets more valuable than their record collections.
Anyway, Jeremy is a 28-year-old University of Michigan grad who claims he makes $300,000 a year hosting such events as "Rich Guys & Hot Girls" — for which interested gentlemen submitted W-2s and women submitted five pictures. He claims his defining influence was the movie National Lampoon's Van Wilder. He drives a Segway. And he has an alterego, Richard Nouveau, who he claims is a "mockery of the white upper class." A mockery, eh? See if you can tell the Nouveau quotes from Jeremy's own, below!
1. "Society has taught us to not publicly acknowledge the obvious. Women want money in a man, men want beauty in a woman-this is a factual force of nature."
2. "It's sad and disgusting and it's superficial. [But] the only victims are the poor and the ugly."
3. "This genetic cleansing is how the wealthy stays beautiful."
4. "There are no more powerful things in our culture than wealth and sex. It's a female's best asset and a male's best asset."
5. "I started sleeping with a girl on the student council — not the most attractive girl, but she had an incredible libido."
6. "I lifted my dating embargo on Orientals. (I've decided to overlook the constant squinting.)"
7. "I'm here for the eye candy."
8. "I'm not looking for anything long-term, I don't think you'll find anything too high-caliber in fashion."
Confession: I added a quote from a 27-year-old investment banking intern attending Fashion Meets Finance, just for fun. Do you see the point? You wouldn't date a dude who said any one of these things, except maybe #7 in the context of escorting a nephew to a Magic The Gathering convention or something. Because nothing is more depressing than listening to the stillborn attempts at humor of people whose percentile in the ranks of relative social/educational/cultural/financial privilege is rivaled only by the score they got in "How Unexamined A Life Can I Lead." Well, nothing except the thoughts of a 20-year-old handbag designing attendee of "Fashion Meets Finance":
"You might ge a nice dinner out of it, so why not?"