Hillary Is On Vacation, But Her Biggest Fan Still Has Her Back (And Mine)



Sometimes it happens that your friends are all too busy to talk. Moe's on her way to the airport and Spencer Attackerman is not online (and hopefully not sick), but luckily, there's always one girlfriend who will pull your ass out of the fire at the last minute when she gets to the office because she rocks (even on days when we have technical issues). And, so she and I chatted about Hillary's vacation, Obama, McCain, combovers, David Patterson, how liberals like to complain and where we can send conservatives when they start. Oh, did I forget to mention who that friend is? That's right, this Crappy Hour stars Sinister Rouge, ladies. You know you're dying to read.

MEGAN: So, Sinny, welcome behind the magical curtain that is Crappy Hour. I'm sorry that we never got to do this while there was fun Clinton stuff to talk about, but she's actually on vacation, as frankly I wish I was.

SINISTER ROUGE: Funny I was just reading how Obama is trying to "woo us" and some assholes were complaining that Hills was nowhere to be found.

MEGAN: Actually, she's not coming back to the Senate until after the 4th of July, despite supposedly being at her donor meeting in D.C. next week. It's at the Mayflower, which is a really nice hotel but you would think that a New York Dem would avoid going near the place for a while.

SINISTER ROUGE: She's on vacation assholes!

One would think!

Did you see how they're going to make a joint appearance next week?

Settle down Obamabots, give her a minute to relax.

MEGAN: But they're too classy to even name a drink after Spitzer. I know, my friends and I walked in there and tried to order one, but my one friend more than made up for it by ordering a blow job. She was a girl and the bartender just about crapped himself.

SINISTER ROUGE: HA!

Spitzer...ugh.

The ways that man has been a disappointment are too numerous to count. What dreams I had!! CRUSHED.

But I love the new guv.

MEGAN: Yeah, they're supposedly making a joint appearance, but they haven't spoken. I have to think she shows because she needs the donors in 2012 regardless of whether it's for the Senate, the Presidency or the Governorship in 2010.

SINISTER ROUGE: I don't think she'll ever run for President again.

MEGAN: David Patterson? Let's hope he does well.

SINISTER ROUGE: Well and I really do think that she cares about party unity.

MEGAN: I think that if Obama isn't the incumbent in 2012 (I can't bring myself to type the other formulation), there will totally be calls for her to run again.

SINISTER ROUGE: I think he will. Doing pretty great so far. I swooned for statment about gay marriage

I think she'll ignore them. I don't see how anyone would go through this again! But she's a strong bitch. If anyone could, she would.

I DO think that the conspiracies floating around that she wants Obama to lose are nonsense

MEGAN: Yeah, I mean, Al Gore didn't. He won't even campaign again.

SINISTER ROUGE: I saw that!!

Came off kind of like he was too good for it right?

Eh. I'm over Al Gore.

MEGAN: He's got a job now, he doesn't want to jeopardize it! And, yes, he came off as supercilious. That used to be one of my favorite words.

SINISTER ROUGE: I liked the article about how Dems are talking about McCain's age in "code"

lol. He's old!

I like that word.

Yes. It rubbed me the wrong way.

It's like Gore found his balls after he was shit on by the Republicans.

Recount made me want to go back in time and punch him for being such a wuss.

MEGAN: Well, I think it's only fair since the Republicans are talking about Obama's race in code. And because McCain keeps screwing stuff up, I think it's fair to call him occasionally confused, but I'm a mean and heartless bitch like that.

SINISTER ROUGE: And it's a legitimate concern! After Reagan's old ass ruined the world for a bit

MEGAN: Also, the man is still rocking the combover. I don't trust a man with a combover.

SINISTER ROUGE: Did you see the New York Times profile on Michelle ? I liked it. I liked this part in particular:

Eventually, she started the Chicago chapter of a training program called Public Allies. One day, looking for young leaders, she might knock on doors at Cabrini-Green, a public housing project so violent and neglected it would later be mostly demolished. Another day, she discovered Jose A. Rico, a young Mexican so alienated that he insisted on remaining an illegal immigrant rather than pursue citizenship. What is your goal? he recalled her asking.

To open a high school for Latinos, he replied. Mrs. Obama nodded: Good, tell me exactly how you would do it.

"Michelle was tough, man; she let nothing slide," said Mr. Rico, now principal of Multicultural Arts High School in Chicago, which he helped start.

It spoke to me as a Hispanic and an immigrant.

MEGAN: Yeah, that profile says basically she's going to be softening her image, probably so as not to be a liability to Barack.

SINISTER ROUGE: Michelle is obviously a complicated and intelligent woman...something the Republicans don't like at all.

I'm still slightly bitter about how Obama ripped the Clinton administration and now basically hired his entire staff .

MEGAN: Patti Solis Doyle has been negotiating for a month to join the campaign, though.

MEGAN: Hometown girl and all.

SINISTER ROUGE: Well and her and Axelrod have been friends forever.

But still...that pissed me off a little because it came off like a petty insult to Clinton.

MEGAN: I dunno, how is hiring her an insult? Unless the rumors that Clinton haven't spoke to her since firing her are true, in which case that's just sort of mean. I have a couple of former bosses who won't speak to me, but it always seems petty, like, you fired me, so if I can get over it and be pleasant, why can't you?

SINISTER ROUGE: ofI don't think it was an insult per se. Just that to prickly supporters (like me!) we're kind of sensitive right now

and of all the people in the political world he picks her? C'mon. Just comes off petty. Not saying it necessarily is.

Well how do we know it's not a mutual cooling?

Harold Ickes was fired by Bill in 1996 and then he comes back to run Hillary's campaign. Obviously, people get over grudges.

MEGAN: True, but as the person who got fired, being as I've been fired enough, it always behooves you not to be the one who can be blamed for it.

Bill fired everyone at some point.

SINISTER ROUGE: True. I've never been fired in my life.

Give me time.

MEGAN: Well, let's see. I got fired from a retail job in high school, from a temp job after college, from a job here, then quit before I could get fired from another, laid off twice and fired from Wonkette.

I have lots of experience with being publicly pleasant to people that have canned me.

SINISTER ROUGE: Now quitting is something I'm great at! I've quit like 4 jobs. I always get antsy and want to leave.

I was concerned Obama wouldn't be able to fight off the Republicans on national security....but so far I like his jabs at the McCain (and the Repubs by extension) about the terrorism.

(lol 'the' terrorism)

MEGAN: I mean, I would just rather he stick to talking about the economy, because it's on those issues that I think he can really beat McCain.

SINISTER ROUGE: Right. He's already got the liberals on the war.

And McCain whether true or not has a good rep on national security.

MEGAN: Yeah, and with McCain having to pander to his own right on torture and shit, you can almost let him dig his own grave.

SINISTER ROUGE: I loved it when Jon Stewart said that the Straight Talk express taking a detour to "Crazy Base World."

Perfectly put.

MEGAN: And polls are showing that indies still prefer McCain on terrorism.

SINISTER ROUGE: Indies like O'Reilly.

Although I'm "unaffiliated" now.

MEGAN: Ha. That's the funniest thing you've said all morning.

SINISTER ROUGE: Not because of Obama. But the DNC pissed me off so much I wanted to send a message.

I would always want to punch the television when BillO would say, "I'm not a Republican! I'm an Independent!"

No you're not. Asshole.

MEGAN: Well, like, Bob Barr is a "libertarian" even though he's conservative as fuck.

SINISTER ROUGE: Exactly.

Bullshit bullshit bullshit.

MEGAN: God, I hope he raises enough money to get on the ballot in every red state.

Like, I'll canvas to get him signatures in Virginia and Maryland, shit.

SINISTER ROUGE: I hate that. At least own up to your crazy party. They think it lends an air of "legitimacy" to their arguments.

LOL He's like the GOP's Nader!

MEGAN: Georgia, Florida, Colorado, Ohio...

SINISTER ROUGE: Kind of like how some people I'd argue with would be like, "but I was for Edwards before Obama!"

MEGAN: He is! He has the potential to be. He can run to the right of McCain, pick up disaffected Republicans, it'll be awesome.

SINISTER ROUGE: when you know they so weren't.

He'll be the spoiler!

So how many racists' heads would explode if Obama wins?

Hee.

Reagan would roll over in his grave.

MEGAN: Um, I liked Edwards until he started yelling about mills. Then he got annoying. But his hair was still pretty.

SINISTER ROUGE: It'd be awesome.

His hair is still pretty!

MEGAN: Oh, god, it'll be so amazing, maybe they'll all move somewhere.

Like, how liberals all say they'll move to Canada? Or France? Where would they move to?

SINISTER ROUGE: One of my co-workers who is still in love with Dubya is basically mourning his "passing."

Creepy.

Yeah but liberals never actually do shit. They stay right where they are and complain.

Like I did.