Mag Hag UK

One of the coolest things about being a blogger loosely connected to pop culture in a foreign country is that you don't feel bad not recognizing the faces on the covers of the women's magazines. Case in point: Denise Van Outen. Apparently she is renowned for flashing her boobs at Prince Charles, stealing an ashtray from Buckhingham Palace and dating someone named Jay Kay in the nineties. Like in Cosmo America they make her fill out a questionnaire filled with questions such as "The one thing I know about men that I wish I knew ten years ago is…" and her answer, "You have to let them think they came up with the idea," is pretty decent. Also, she advocates dating dudes in their twenties because that's when "all the good ones" get snatched up and weighs in on what is apparently a white-hot topic in Britain right now, WAGs. (Wives And Girlfriends of footballers, but you knew that, even if I had to actually Wikipedia it to make sure.) "It's all too easy to attack WAGs for being gold-diggers but, believe me, there are plenty of men who need that type of girl because it makes them feel happy." Reading Cosmo UK is to reading Cosmo America as eating a Chipotle burrito is to eating a pack of Bugles, which is neatly displayed in a reader letter you can see if you click the headline.

So, Why Do Girls Still Want To Be WAGs? (May) enlightened me so much that I'm considering giving up my A-Levels and taking a regular spot in a trendy bar, in the hope that I'll bump into a footballer, marry him and life will be complete. Seriously, though, what's wrong with these girls? Do they honestly think dating some rich guy before he gts bored and moves on to the next woman is fulfilling? Wouldn't helping starving children be more worthwhile? I'm a female football fan (yes, we do exist, and I don't have huge muscles and the ability to burp the national anthem) so next time I'm standing out in the cold watching my team, I may well hang around in the hope of grabbing a footballer to spend the rest of my life with. At least I could discus the offside rule with him!"