Nicole & Joel's Faux Nuptials

  • Nicole Richie and Joel Madden did not get married this weekend, despite reports by Star magazine that they were having a $2 million wedding. But! Joel did post fake wedding pictures on his band's blog with a message that read: "I've been getting calls and texts from my family all week asking me why they weren't invited to my wedding. I guess the only answer I could give them was that I didn't know we were having one." In the pix, he and Nicole are gorillas. [E!]
  • Amy Winehouse agreed to sing at the party of a Russian billionaire, but when she showed up in Moscow, she was "in no condition" to appear on stage. Organizers spent two hours trying to pull her together, and a source says "she put on a terrific show." [Rush & Molloy]
  • You may have heard that Scarlett Johansson and Barack Obama have an e-mail relationship: But did you know that Scarlett's brother Hunter works for the senator? [Page Six]
  • M.I.A., whom this paper calls a "lady rapper," is engaged! Check out her bling. [Rush & Molloy]
  • Tim Russert's heart was enlarged. [People]
  • Ashanti says that she and Nelly are "good friends," who might get engaged in the future. [People]
  • Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong: Hanging out in Canada, where Lance was in a fund-raising bike ride. [People]
  • NCIS actress Pauley Perrette is asking the public to help find her missing friend. "Her purse was found at one end of Runyon Canyon with all the contents in it; her jewelry was found in another part of Runyon Canyon," says Perrette. [E!]
  • This picture of David Beckham talking to Didier Mbenga of the L.A. Lakers is high-larious. [ONTD]
  • Has Lily Allen given up partying??? [Mirror]
  • Princess Eugenie: Seen frolicking naked on school grounds. [Daily Mail]
  • Snoop Dogg's wife was busted for DUI over the weekend, and from the looks of her mugshot, she was wasted! [TMZ]
  • Kid Rock was hospitalized for stomach cramps and dehydration over the weekend. [TMZ]
  • At her baby shower, pregnant 24 actress Mary Lynn Rajskub jumped into the swimming pool to beat the heat. [People]
  • Mary-Louise Parker broke her toe during a love scene for Weeds. "I smashed it on the bed frame," she says. [People]
  • Britney Spears and Kevin Federline were both in Vegas over the weekend, though they apparently didn't run into each other. Kev was honored as Father Of The Year; Brit had father's day dinner with her dad. Where were the kids? [People]
  • Sean Connery was in the hospital Friday for a fractured ankle he suffered while playing golf. How does that happen? Don't you just hit the ball as far as you can and then get in a little car and chase it? [Star]
  • A Hindu leader wants Mike Meyer's new movie, The Love Guru, to have an NC-17 rating. Says Bhavna Shinde: "From the information available about the movie, it appears to be mocking and ridiculing Hinduism, Hindu philosophy, ashram life, Hindu concepts and terminology, Gurus, etc. Cinema is a powerful medium and it can create stereotypes in the minds of some audiences, especially in the minds of younger audiences, who are passing through an impressionable phase." [Punjab Newsline]
  • Is actor Michael Madsen is being a total pain in the ass on his new movie? [Rush & Molloy]
  • What are all of the kids from the School Of Rock now? Find out! [ONTD]
  • Legendary actor Richard Dreyfuss: Seem "ogling the bare-breasted talent" at Larry Flynt's Hustler Club. [Page Six]
  • Is anyone sorta curious about Kit Kittredge: An American Girl'? Starring Abigail Breslin? At the premiere, Abigail said, "I'm excited to see all the girls, and welcome the boys who come too!" Boys? Really? [ET]
  • Keira Knightley's mom says Keira is not anorexic, and that she "eats like a horse." "She has always been thin. She's her daddy's daughter, with his long body." [The Sun]
  • The Sun has apologized for a false story it printed about Rhys Ifans punching Sienna Miller's friend and co-star Matthew Rhys. [The Sun]
  • Dr. Oz from Oprah — getting his own show. [UPI]
  • Does Hugh Laurie have a Burger King Gold Card? Does he get limitless supply of free burgers? Do all celebs get one? So. Jealous. Hate to miss a Whopportnity. [ONTD]