• Hey, remember how we were going to, like, tax oil companies more and stuff? Yeah, not gonna happen anytime soon. [Washington Post]
• But, hey, monkeys can fish! So, as long as we don't eat all the fish or kill all the monkeys before we drive ourselves into extinction, they can totes rule the world later. [AP]
• Yes, that was a cheap distraction before I told you that we're totally fucked in Afghanistan and no one has any idea what to do about it. [Washington Independent]
• But that's ok, because Obama might pick Ret. Gen. James Jones, the former NATO Supreme Allied Commander, as VP, because now the Democratic party is all about getting the military dudes on the take so they can look "strong" and shit. Only, the story is actually complete bullshit because he's already a McCain adviser and someone is laughing at MSNBC besides me. [MSNBC, Politico]

• In other news of the stupid, Republican Senator James Inhofe of Oklahoma has crowned himself the new Miss South Carolina by releasing a commercial trumpeting his foreign policy credential: "Ethiopia. Zambia. Iraq. Twenty-nine intense trips in 12 years to the front — to the saddest parts of Africa." Oh, wait, where's Iraq again? [Washington Independent]
• And, apparently we're going to try to make all the lefty protesters crap their pants at once at the conventions this summer. Oh, that's a brilliant idea. Better shitting than shouting? [Fox News]
• But in good news, Republicans in the Senate have now defined electoral success in November as only losing eight seats to the Democrats. If they lose 9, they can't even filibuster, which is the only thing they give a shit about doing anyway. [HuffPo]
• And, just to mess with you, McCain said today, "I will veto every single beer." Damn that man, even if he is willing to call his home turf a swing state. [CNN, Washington Independent]

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