Will The Cone Make You Moan?

I've been hearing about The Cone—a futuristic-shaped vibrator that you would expect characters in Woody Allen's Sleeper to use—for well over a year now. I'm always a little wary of high-end and low-end vibes, the former because the price tag is usually indicative of a lot of hype, and the latter because the because the price tag is usually indicative of a flimsy product with an inferior mechanism. The Cone will set you back a whopping $130. But it's cool looking. And has little light on it. And it's pink. So how did The Cone shape up?

Stats: The Cone is a British sex toy that, as its website puts it, is made of "soft, squidgy plastic." (Squidgy is such a fake British word.) There is a 3000 RPM motor within, and there are 16 different built-in programs of vibration. The two controls on the device help you manage the speed, intensity and pulsing of those programs. It requires 3 C batteries. The price, as I stated above, is $130.

Pros: You're supposed to sit on this thing, inserting the tip either into your vagina or your butt hole. I don't do the butt thing when I'm just playing around alone, so I sat on it with my vadge. That lasted for maybe a minute. I was too scared to release all my weight onto that thing, because it gets rather wide at the end (7" at the base), so I was sort of holding myself up with my thighs. I don't really work out or anything, so after holding that yoga-esque pose for 60 seconds my legs turned into jelly. So instead, I sat down, placed the cone on my bed, and wedged it between my legs, and pressed it up against my crotch, Western saddle-style. I have to say that the motor was totally on par with the kind of strength I need to be worked properly. And the pulsing was really awesome. I really was partial to program 14, that had heavy, altered pulsing, with some steady vibe thrown in every few seconds for good measure. Also, it's super-duper quiet.

Cons: One of my friends at our brother site Gizmodo told me that when the editors over there review gadgets, one of the ways they rate it is by trying to use the item without reading directions, because nothing should be that difficult to use that you would need written instructions. I feel like that line of thinking particularly applies to sex toys, because when you're ready to get off, the last thing you want to do is sit down and try to have to use your brain. The Cone fails on this front. I didn't understand how to open it, and even though there are two buttons, I couldn't figure out the off and on situation. Also, I could only come while using this thing if I was sitting upright, and personally, I like to lay down and relax when I'm playing with myself.

Verdict: Great motor, good vibes, bad design. If they could make this thing as a hand-held, or even as something a little more conducive to other positions, it would be much more on point.

Send an email to Tracie, the author of this post, at tracie@jezebel.com.

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