Sorry, but hell no. The truth hurts sometimes, but the truth is that Hillary Clinton cannot be Obama's VP. It's not you Hill, it's your entourage. It may not, like certain other vice presidential cliques, involve, say, Armitage, or Rumsfeld or Wolfowitz or Doug Feith or whomever, but Congress should probably pass some sort of law barring large clusters of old executive branch veterans coming back for a second shot in that old age at which no one gives a fuck anymore. Plus also: because we haven't had enough infighting to distract us throughout this campaign? What with Mandy and Maggie and Patti and Mark, and Bill's people versus Hillaryland people, her Senate staff versus her campaign staff…yeah, let's just stick all of that in an Obama administration? You know what that sounds like, guys? Yes: hell. Okay, and gas prices, conservative Affirmative Action opponents getting choked up over the prospect of a first black president on Fox News, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed goes to trial, Hamas drops its endorsement of Barack Obama, and misc other crap with your humble observants me and Megan after the jump.
MEGAN: Dude, you know what sucks? Being unable to set your cell phone alarm because you're too drunk to use the buttons properly but your power is out.
MOE: So how bout that Jezebel meet-up???
MEGAN: But if I need to wake up at 6:30 tonight, I'm totally set.
MEGAN: I had fun! I'm pretty sure I did anyway. The pictures look like I did.
MEGAN: Dude, Bill Clinton cussed out James Clyburn on the night of the South Carolina primary.
MOE: It was crap weather here and a crap night and is there anything in the papers? Because nothing is really as compelling as this personal email I am writing. Hillary is going to concede, that's the big story, and the WSJ says something like "if Barack Obama can't stand up to Bill and Hillary Clinton, how can he stand up to Ahmadinejad?" Which is rather bizarre logic but I think there may be some utility in posing the question as to whether Barack Obama is TOO COOL for school/under pressure/etc.
MEGAN: That's a really interesting question. If he bows to their pressure to put her on the ticket, is he always going to bend to their pressure? Do we want Gumby? I had never thought about it that way.
MEGAN: Ok, so, we could talk about the massive child porn arrest in Australia. WTF is up with men wacking off to pictures of abuse?
MEGAN: Or the massive protests over a 10% rise in fuel prices in India which is like, 10%? We're up to $4 a gallon over here and people are sort of like, hey, whatevs
MEGAN: Or we could talk about the arrest in Uganda of 3 gay rights activists just because.
MOE: Ack! You got me. Okay, look, I am chatting someone else! And it's going marvelously!! The sex could be better but…So! We probably should take up gas prices at some point. Regarding Clyburn's session with Clinton… I'm not sure what to say! What, no transcript? No specific words? He'll write about it…soon? How soon is now??
MEGAN: I totally like hearing stories of other people swearing! It's ok, I'm actually totally IMing with someone else, too, and I'm talking about sex, but not about doing it with her. I'm sorry I'm IM cheating on you, but I always felt like you and I had an open IM relationship.
MEGAN: Oh, gas prices suck. It's good I don't drive me car that much. The end.
MOE: No, there is more to it than that. According to our commenters. Some of whom blame the oil futures markets? One of whom works for a newsletter that advises clients on distressed debt to buy? Oil futures are good for guys like Southwest Airlines. But maybe bad for customers? Unless we're served by Southwest? Which you are, albeit via BWI.
MEGAN: It's the only remotely reasonably priced way to fly to Albany, now that Independence Air'(RIP) has gone out of business and the major airlines have more than doubled their prices on the route and eliminated most direct flights. I mean, even with $4 a gallon gas, it's cheaper to drive home, it just sucks because it takes 7 hours each way.
MEGAN: And I don't think it's just traders, but that's just me. We're not even close to what prices are in Europe.
MOE: I used to love LUV (that's their ticker symbol!) when I lived in Hell-Ay. They also served Philly. Anyway, I should go investigate the comments. But was there something else we should talk about? I guess that Barack Obama needs to decide whether he's making Hillary the VP, and is that seriously something you think he would do????
MOE: Also I've been trying to locate audio of Howard Stern talking about Pfleger, which is apparently epic.
MOE: God, what the fuck Don it's like a 200 megabyte file
MEGAN: I mean, I don't really understand why she would do it.
MOE: Here's a question: don't you feel like, two people talking in a still room versus, you know, an Arcade Fire album — the latter should occupy more bytes per minute?
MOE: She would do it because…I dunno, did you read that Gary Hart piece? I think she would do it just to have something. She's all caught up in this thing. She has to achieve… something. There's a dude analogy in there, somewhere.
MEGAN: Like, why would she cede the Senate seat for potentially 8 years serving a President? To run again? Which she could do anyway? I mean, I know Bill is an executive branch man, but I thought that her 7 years in the Senate would've instilled in her some leg branch love. Sigh.
MOE: Also it would be potentially eight years of complete fucking hell for Obama.
MOE: Is he a masochist? Some of those chapters on community organizing in Chicago read that way, but I really don't think so.
MEGAN: Well, who among us doesn't have a masochistic streak, really?
MOE: Hahaha I don't. BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL PAIN
MEGAN: Oh, bish, pls.
MOE: Happy Thursday.
MOE: And speaking of pain, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed…probably doesn't feel your pain.
MEGAN: I dunno, he looks pretty fucking hung over to me.
MOE: Dude this is interesting: when did newspapers start contextualizing 9/11:
The men are alleged to be at the heart of the terror conspiracy that shook America to its core on Sept. 11, 2001 — unprecedented attacks that fixed al Qaeda as the nation's chief worldwide enemy.
MEGAN: Gosh, that only took 7 years. But, don't worry. The Newseum has a whole disaster porny section, complete with a WTC girder, to remind us all how it stands alone without context.
MOE: Okay, so re Obama Gumbyism or whatever. Here is the WSJ op-ed page, to which I'm sure he's playing close attention.
<blockquote.The real trouble would begin if Mr. Obama wins. He'd then have to cope with both Clintons inside his own Administration. The former President is the definition of an unguided missile, whose every public word would be picked up and amplified by the media. Would Mrs. Clinton settle for a traditional veep role, having already been co-President for eight years? We doubt it. Mr. Obama could consign her to such a role, as other Presidents have done to other veeps. But he'd then be inviting an internal guerrilla war – if not from her, then from her many loyalists. Or from Bill. And she couldn't be fired.
There are many experienced Democrats who would make suitable running mates, and for the purposes of governing Mr. Obama needs to pick someone he can work with. Above all, he can't appear to bend to ultimatums from the House of Clinton. This is a test of Mr. Obama's political judgment and toughness. If he can't stand up to Hillary and Bill Clinton, forget about Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
MEGAN: Oh, that stupid co-Presidency tripe again.
MOE: Of course, on Page 1 of the newspaper itself it says nah, you know what? Barry can stand up to her just fine.
MEGAN: I guess that's why he's ramped up his search efforts...
MOE: Oh, and he lost his Hamas endorsement.
MOE: Is that what Joe Lieberman is mad about? I'm confused.
MEGAN: Joe Lieberman is mad about Obama being a wimp on Iran or something? Apparently, he's backing McCain, didja know? Despite the fact that McCain's lobbyist dude lobbied for Iran. I guess that's ok, it's not like he'd sit down with A'jad.
MOE: Whoa did you read that Times piece on how Obama makes people feel about race, which we've sort of…forgotten about amid all the concession drama? At least, we've forgotten about it, in the "we've forgotten to mention it in the past half-hour" sense?
For example, Ward Connerly, a conservative anti-affirmative-action crusader and chairman of the American Civil Rights Institute, watched a replay of the announcement of Mr. Obama's victory on Fox News early Wednesday "and I choked up," he said. "He did it by his own achievement. Nobody gave it to him."
MOE: And then Ward Connerly goes on to say he hopes Obama ends affirmative action.
MEGAN: Right, well, it's totes no longer necessary.
MOE: And it goes on to note that all those people in Harlem who voted for Hillary are pretty stoked nonetheless.
MEGAN: Well, good to know that there are some Hillary supporters nonetheless excited for Obama.
MOE: in the immortal words of Jeremiah Wright: WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE