Oh Jesus, Don't, Like, Most People Suffer Existential Crises When They Get Fired?S

You know how yesterday I said What Happened was a good name for the Scott McClellan book? Yeah well WTF would have obviously been better. So anyway: Day Two of Scott McClellan WTF patrol. This morning he went on Today and seemed pretty fucking sincere. Of course, high-minded idealists such as the New York Times editorial board and Dan Bartlett think he's full of "total crap". But like, how weird is it, really, that a dude would spend six years being alternately (simultaneously) brainwashed and publicly debased by the Most Cynical And Singlemindedly Power-Greedy Not To Mention Idiotic Group Of People In the Universe, then get released and have a bunch of second thoughts about the whole thing? No one gets mad when the FLDS wives do it! Seriously, if you can emerge from such a job in such an Administration without suffering an existential crisis, what does that say about you? That and who Obama should pick for VP — not Jim Webb — and whatever happened to that crazy anti-war weapons inspector, with me and Megan after the jump.

MOE: Well you can do that here.

MEGAN: No, because I have a rule that I only tune into the Today show for NKOTB.

MEGAN: Oh, the McClellan interview, they've been replaying that ad infinitum on MSNBC.

MOE: Which I can't watch. I'm practically dead from some ailment with its origin in cigarettes and insomnia

MOE: Anyway we need to have a sincerity summit

MOE: A sincerity evaluation summit.

MEGAN: Ha, I was gonna say!

MEGAN: Also, wtf is up with us having attacks of insomnia at the same time?

MEGAN: I have to say, watching this interview, I'm far more convinced by him today than anything he did in his 3 years as press secretary. And he seems far less bumbling and stupid.

MOE: Yeah, he's convincing but um not slick.

MEGAN: If overly made-up. Oh, make-up artists, you failed him! (Although, I understand it may have been deliberately).

MEGAN: Oh, God, no, not slick at all. I mean, he says he still has a "great deal of affection" for GWB, he's obviously not particularly capable of slickness.

MOE: Oh man and I still haven't seen the most-buzzed video "Lohan's sapphic smooch"

MEGAN: It's on video? Also, why do we care that she's a lesbian or bisexual, if she is?

MOE: We care because SAMANTHA RONSON COULD TURN ANYONE GAY. And um... speaking of... did you see Anderson Cooper last night?

MEGAN: Whoa, I totally did not. Also, sniff, I remain sad that Anderson plays for the other team. Such a loss that one. Wait, is Samantha Ronson what happened to Anderson Cooper? That bitch!

MOE: Dude now I am going to have weird SamRonAnderson sex dreams. Oooh did you catch this passage?

A page later, he recounts what he perceived as a moment of doubt by a president who never expresses any. It occurred in a dimly lit room at Walter Reed Army Medical Center, a room where an injured Texas veteran was being watched over by his wife and 7-year-old son as Bush arrived.

The vet's head was bandaged and "he was clearly not aware of his surroundings, the brain injury was severe," McClellan recalled. Bush hugged the wife, told the boy his dad was brave and kissed the injured vet's head while whispering 'God bless you' into his ear.

"Then he turned and walked toward the door," McClellan wrote. "Looking straight ahead, he moved his right hand to wipe away a tear. In that moment, I could see the doubt in his eyes and the vivid realization of the irrevocable consequences of his decision."

But, he added, such moments are more than counterbalanced by deceased warriors' families who urge him to make sure the deaths were not in vain.

Uhhhhh, what was that Heller book…that became a cliche…describing situations like this…didn't that involve war?

The other person, or their software, refused the request.

MOE: Dude now I am going to have weird SamRonAnderson sex dreams. Oooh did you catch this passage?

A page later, he recounts what he perceived as a moment of doubt by a president who never expresses any. It occurred in a dimly lit room at Walter Reed Army Medical Center, a room where an injured Texas veteran was being watched over by his wife and 7-year-old son as Bush arrived.

The vet's head was bandaged and "he was clearly not aware of his surroundings, the brain injury was severe," McClellan recalled. Bush hugged the wife, told the boy his dad was brave and kissed the injured vet's head while whispering 'God bless you' into his ear.

MOE:

"Then he turned and walked toward the door," McClellan wrote. "Looking straight ahead, he moved his right hand to wipe away a tear. In that moment, I could see the doubt in his eyes and the vivid realization of the irrevocable consequences of his decision."

But, he added, such moments are more than counterbalanced by deceased warriors' families who urge him to make sure the deaths were not in vain.

Uhhhhh, what was that Heller book…that became a cliche…describing situations like this…didn't that involve war?

MEGAN: Can someone please ask those fucking families, then, what would be an acceptable outcome to justify the deaths of their children?

MOE: Dude who is ronaldpagan? Reading his comments alone is like reading…a book? A very long New Yorker piece about the shifting views regarding violence within the jihadist movement, but actually finishing it?

MEGAN: I don't know, about either RP's identity of the shifting views on violence in the jihadist movement. But can we please, please talk about the male liberal blogospheric hard on for Jim Webb? Between Attackerman and Ezra Klein, it's starting to get a little uncomfortable all up in here, especially as neither one of them talks to any degree about his shitty record on women's issues, like Kathy G does and nobody but Politico gets into the 3 obvious female choices, none of whom suck and all of whom have great records.

MEGAN: Because, really, Jim Webb? Is going to corral Hillary supporters? What we need on the Obama ticket is a thrice-married former Republican with a shitty history on women's issues just because he's got a military background? That's why McCain's neck and neck with Obama in the polls? Bish plz.

MOE: I preach general ignorance on this one. But it's cool Kathy G named her blog the G Spot. I do think Obama should pick someone with military experience. I have no fucking clue who that is though. Who do you think he should pick?

MEGAN: Well, A. I voted for Jim Webb despite his record on women's rights because I wanted George Allen out of office. I think, however, with Obama already facing charges of sexism he's not going to do well on the trail and the argument that the seat goes back to the Republicans is rather apt.

MOE: And I don't really care about this shit:

Stepping away from all that high-minded rhetoric, I'll add that, in practical terms, selecting Webb would be a slap in the face to the Hillary Clinton supporters. I'm not saying that Obama has to pick Hillary as veep (and indeed, I think that would be a bad idea). I'm not even saying that he needs to pick a woman.

But Hillary was the first woman to ever have a serious shot at the presidency, and she came so close. So the Hillary supporters (of whom, to be clear, I am not one) will feel frustrated enough that their candidate didn't win.

MEGAN: B. Wesley Clarke is an idiot.

MEGAN: Well, I agree with that. Maybe not the "slap in the face" part, but the people that are pissed at NARAL for endorsing Obama ain't gonna be pleased with him picking a guy who said the Naval Academy was a "horny woman's dream" either.

MEGAN: Hell, I won't be.

MOE: On B. we concur. But okay, of course you voted for Webb. George Allen was a tool machine. And egad, when did he say that? I'm just getting my coffee now.

MOE: I just don't want to talk about gender ANY MORE. We know Obama doesn't want his daughters to be punished with babies. ISN'T THAT ENOUGH?????

MEGAN: Egad, he said that in 1979, more than a decade before he defended the dudes who assaulted women at Tailhook. It's all the feminists' fault, you know, that those Great Men's careers were ruined by a little drunken tomfoolery that the women totally took out of context.

MEGAN: Also, keeps divorcing his wives.

MEGAN: I mean, whatever, obviously Virginia wasn't going to elect a Senator that doesn't make me slightly sick to my stomach with his opinions on things, and great that he's spent his term so far appropriately sucking up to the left wing that got him elected (hello, unions!) but, I'm sorry, he is a shitty VP choice. He doesn't bring Virginia, he doesn't bring the South, his presence as the stooge in the short chair doesn't counter McCain on foreign policy and, frankly, this election stopped being (for most people) about the war or foreign policy for the swing voters when the economy went in the tank and their houses got repossessed.

MOE: Just throwing out a link to an uplifting Frontline on Tailhook. Maybe I'll clip it later! So yeah, he is not the guy. I think Obama should choose someone with military experience in spite of what the election is about. The president has immeasurably more influence on a war than he does the economy.

MOE: But perhaps that line of thinking is a little audacious.

MEGAN: I just don't think military experience matters, cough, Bush, cough, Cheney, cough, Clinton, cough, Gore.

MEGAN: It's part of this whole fetishization of our military that we insist on engaging in.

MEGAN: Can somebody, please, show me one of the so-called Reagan Dems that voted for Hillary in Ohio, PA or West Virginia who is saying they'll otherwise vote for McCain (and not the pissed off women) who would be like, oh, hey, he picked a virtually unknown first term Senator from Virginia with some military experience for his VP, so now I'm totally voting Obama?

MOE: Well sure, agreed, but matters for what? Like, I think more than three highly uneventful years in the Navy might have done Rumsfeld some good; well actually, that point is rhetorical because being a HUMAN might also have done Rumsfeld some good. And, yeah, you've got it: the biggest reason Jim Webb is a bad choice is because no one really knows who he is. To depart for a second: here is a piece from the New York Review Of Books on the ideas of Obama's economic adviser confidante types. They are…um…less socialist than I'd like.

MEGAN: Well, at least they're not Keynesian?

MOE: Oh dude my BROWSER just crashed. I thought I was having a heart attack.

MEGAN: Dude, my other computer is totally fucked, I'm going to finish transferring files today and then reformat that bitch.

MOE: Did you check Dan Bartlett using our favorite SFW term for feces?

MEGAN: Wait, you can say "crap" on TV? It's not as good as Jon Stewart getting away with calling Tucker Carlson a dick, but it's pretty good. Yeah, the Administration has its PR efforts together pretty good on Scottie this week, from Dana's saddened "This isn't the Scott we know" to "total crap," they're running the gamut.

MOE: Okay, so what I would really like to know is 1. How did Scott McClellan come to the realization that this was the book he wanted to write 2. Was it an agent? It had to be, right? 3. Who was the ghostwriter? How long did they work together? I thought I might get some of that from this interview with his publisher but uh…not really. We learn that Mike Allen did, in fact, as he specified in his initial story on the subject, bought the book from a bookstore. I'm pretty sure he did the same thing with the Bernstein Hillary book. So Mike Allen has a "source" at Politics & Prose, who cares. How did this thing actually come about? Why don't we know this yet?

MEGAN: Well, I mean, someone on MSNBC had a good theory this morning (obvi not Joe Scarborough). I mean, dude spent 3 years defending the indefensible and looking like a doofus only to get ousted in 2006 as everything started to suck and he (apparently) got to realizing that everyone figured they could lie to him and he's never figure it out.

MEGAN: Does he have a cushy sinecure somewhere? No.

MEGAN: He's still on the lecture circuit, but everyone knows he's a shit public speaker that didn't know anything.

MOE: I hate how everyone's like, "unbelievable." Dude, have you ever lived with someone who just got fired?

MOE: Midlife crises have been known to spawn from less.

MEGAN: Dude, I've been fired. I sucked. I got drunk for the better part of a week, stayed in bed, and the dude I was seeing dumped me because I got fired.

MEGAN: So, I stayed in bed for like another week after that.

MOE: Yeah, now just imagine Nick Denton had spent six years brainwashing you!!!!

MEGAN: To the point where I still held great affection for him!

MEGAN: Then I'd have to turn on Noah.

MOE:MOE: Dude remember Scott Ritter? What's he doing these days? I don't usually buy this whole "You can't change your views after 30" silliness but that guy's epiphany was a little weird.

MEGAN: Apparently, he's a talk show commentator.

MEGAN: HA! He was also arrested in 2001 but never charged for trying to fuck an underaged girl he tried to meet on the Internet.

MEGAN: So, he either spend a lot of time on his computer or virtually none, I'm guessing.

MOE: can you check real quick if any of the other major newspapers (besides the times) had anything bad to say about mcclellan

MEGAN: Howie Kurtz entitled his column "Turncoat Time" and said "We all may have underestimated how he felt about being dumped in a White House shake-up."

MOE: Oh by the way how hilarious is it that Bush pretended not to remember if he'd had cocaine??? DUDE YOU REMEMBER IF YOU HAD COKE THAT IS THE POINT

MEGAN:

The question is inescapable: Now he tells us? McClellan had deep qualms about Bush using propaganda to sell the Iraq war, about being misled on Valerie Plame, about the president being in denial on Hurricane Katrina, and he utters not a peep of public protest until he's ready to sell his book?

MOE: OH like he was really going to miss that job so much

MOE: I'm just saying the Editorials though

MEGAN: Novak's column is, hilariously, about Clinton.

MEGAN: Um, weirdly, neither the WaPo, Boston Globe, LA Times has anything one way or the other thus far.