We interrupt your regularly scheduled Midweek Madness with some terrible news: Star was not on newsstands this morning! We searched, we fretted, we wrung our hands. We contacted the mag. A rep said the shipment was a little late and offered to messenger us a copy. We hesitated. Would that make us in cahoots with the enemy? Eh, whatever. We gave them our address. But the deadline arrived before the issue did. The gossip was not the same. Intern Sharon sighs, "A rising tide lifts all boats. And Star is that tide." Still: At least we've got Shiloh, Angelina, Britney and uh, Heidi Montag on the covers of the other mags! Join us as we get schooled in celebrity gossip from Life & Style, In Touch, Us and OK!, after the jump.
"I'm Ready To Say 'I Do.'" Intern Sharon says, "You know how the New Yorker has a serialized novel? That is what this is like." Yes, Us is still pushing the idiotic soap opera that is Heidi and Spencer. The magazine printed six epic pages of interview with the loathsome Montag and Pratt.
HighLowlights: Heidi says, "We were walking at sunset and he had a little picnic made for me, with chocolate-covered strawberries and Dom Perignon. It was pretty much a preproposal." Yes, that's right. A PREPROPOSAL. Even thought this couple has already been engaged. "He is ready to really propose to me, down on one knee, with the right ring," Heidi explains. "The other one failed. Why would we use a failed ring? A new ring means a fresh start, a fresh love and a fresh engagement. Plus, I didn't get to pick it out. I want something much bigger, and one that comes from the heart, not some purple thing." (Fig. 1) Ugh. These people are vile. Oh! And Heidi also says: "I want to perform at my wedding. It's a special song that I'm working on for Spencer." And she'd like U2 to be her wedding band. Also inside: Will Smith spent $1 million to fund a school that employs teaching techniques established by L. Ron Hubbard. But! His kids are home schooled. Lastly: When Pete Wentz said he was honeymooning in a basement, he was joking, you guys. He and Ashlee actually went to a resort in Turks And Caicos, in the Caribbean.
Grade: F, but a gold star for the over-the-top, predictable, almost campy romance novel cover story