Hillary Explains How Obama Is Sort Of Like An African Dictator

Hillary Clinton just compared the disenfranchisement of voters in those two states that chose to disenfranchise their primary voters to the disenfranchisement of voters in Zimbabwe. Thanks Hills! I thought I drank away all my capacity for nuance last night but I can still sorta see how that might piss some people off. And speaking of piss! R. Kelly's lawyers are trying to convince a jury that he only digitally golden-showered that girl, Karl Rove is advising Barack Obama in the great game of diplomacy, and speaking of the Game, Al Sharpton denies Dr. Dre's charges that he blackmailed the two of them. All that plus something about how China is to blame for oil prices being so high and Jack Cafferty is to blame for them hating us there as Megan navigates the murky waters of the day's news and I try to follow, after the jump.

MOE: DUDE I AM SO HUNGOVER

MOE: You have to help me today i have the brainpower of a computer that came before the Macintosh IIGS. I have the brainpower of an abacus. Ugh, nevermind I have the brainpower of someone who drank away their ability to construct metaphors. I had guests.

MEGAN: Dude, that sucks. I still dehydrated from the last two days of being hungover.

MEGAN: Um, Calderone asked Bob Herbert about Ferraro.

MEGAN: With predictable results.

MEGAN: Um, Jenna Bush-Hager and Henry Hager cut their honeymoon short to attend his b-school graduation, which I've actually been wondering for months why they scheduled their wedding a week before his graduation.

MOE: I think Jenna just doesn't give a fuck

MEGAN: Well, I mean, who among us does really?

MOE: Not Bob Herbert!... I feel somewhat sheepish now for defending him

MOE: But mostly I feel a headache

MEGAN: Hmm, well, Attackerman is all steamed about Hillary comparing the Michigan and Florida shit to Zimbabwe, and I can't say I blame him. Her comparing it to the struggle for civil rights for African-Americans struck me as a bit of inappropriate overreaching.

MOE: Hahaha like that Phyllis Schlafly line from the St. Louis newspaper. "Whatever your thoughts, she's no Robert Mugabe." God I can't believe she actually said this

saying it is wrong when "people go through the motions of an election only to have them discarded and disregarded."

"We're seeing that right now in Zimbabwe," Clinton explained. "Tragically, an election was held, the president lost, they refused to abide by the will of the people," Clinton told the crowd of senior citizens at a retirement community in south Florida.

MEGAN: She's the MLK of delegate counts and everything. It's sort of annoying, because it's not like she can win anyway.

MOE: Uh here's a story that says some analysts think oil prices are just too high.

MEGAN: Anyway, in a completely awkward segue, Spencer's headline was an R. Kelly lyric, he took great pains to inform me, so it gives me an opportunity to link to a story about the trial and they're actually fucking arguing that the piss might be digital. Dude, R. Kelly's fucking defense team is taking legal advice from Dave Chappelle.

9:20 AM

MEGAN: Wait, you have to be an analyst to think oil prices are maybe too high? Good to know. I looked at a gas station on my way out of NY yesterday and it was over $4/gallon.

MOE: I see your humorous R. Kelly newsflash and raise you a Al Sharpton Dr. Dre blackmail allegation.

MEGAN: I concede to your comic brilliance.

MOE: Oh also I guess the farm bill passed anyway

MOE: I like this graf:

In a statement issued to AllHipHop.com, they say: "The National Action Network and Reverend Al Sharpton were not involved with and did not attend a press conference held by Hip-Hop artists The Game and 50 Cent to announce their truce and donation to charities.

MOE: Hahaha the commenters call him "Al Charlatan"

MEGAN: On the Farm Bill, no, it's totally all fucked up. They passed one, FORGOT to send part of it to the President, so he vetoed a bill that they never passed and they overrode a veto on a bill they never voted for. Somebody would be getting fired if they didn't have an unassailable government job.

MOE: Karl Rove's takedown of Obama'f foreign policy instincts is sorta funny:

I recommend that he read Henry Kissinger's book, "The White House Years." Mr. Obama would learn it took 134 private meetings between U.S. and Chinese diplomats before a breakthrough at a Jan. 20, 1970 meeting in Warsaw. It took 18 months of behind-the-scenes discussions before Mr. Kissinger secretly visited Beijing. And it took seven more months of hard work before Nixon went to China. The result was a new relationship, announced in a communiqué worked out over months of careful diplomacy.

Diplomacy! Now there's a word I haven't heard in…

MOE: There's the link

MEGAN: Well, so, great. Seems like maybe it's time to start those discussions? Or is Karl admitting that the US has been holding secret, high-level discussions with Iran, Syria, Cuba and North Korea the whole time?

MOE: I was wondering what Melissa Block and Robert Siegel were doing at the scene of the earthquake.

MOE: Pursuing our imperial interest I suppose!

at one rescue scene, Block and Hsu had to be escorted away from a mob angered by the presence of American reporters. Both said the reaction probably was a response to Western coverage, particularly on CNN, of China's crackdown on dissidents in Tibet and the troubled Olympic torch relay. Said Siegel, "It's been said that everyone in China can quote Jack Cafferty," a CNN commentator who last month caused a furor in China by calling the country's leaders "goons and thugs."

MEGAN: Ok, but I kind of love Jack Cafferty. How are they more anti-him than anti-Lou Dobbs?

MOE: Maybe for some reason they are unused to people speaking accurately of political leaders? Yeah and on Dobbs I dunno.

MOE: What is happening with Florida and Michigan anyway?

MOE: Ugh Marie Cocco is back.

MEGAN: Oh, nothing right now. The DNC Rules Committee is meeting on the 31st. Clinton wants the whole delegation seated because it will give her 56 delegates more than Obama. The Rules Committee seems likely to give the states some sort of half delegation, which is the minimum punishment under the rules. Michigan's plan that's been presented to the Committee gives some delegates to Obama, so she'd end up with 16 more delegates than him under that scenario.

MOE: But like he WASN'T ON THE BALLOT

MEGAN: Yeah, so Michigan's plan is that they'd come a lot closer to splitting the delegation than the votes prescribe. I'm not totally sure why. Debbie Dingell explained it to me weeks ago on MSNBC.

MEGAN: Anyway, so, Clinton apparently though she had the committee locked up with 13 of the 28 members committed superdelegates to her, but Obama's got 8 and everyone is actually loyal to Howard Dean, so it doesn't seem likely to break her way. I'm calling half delegations.

MOE: Are you still in New York?

MEGAN: Nope, I had to come back for a thing today. I kind wish I could've stayed, but I guess that means I'll just have to go back, preferably when it's not pouring rain and I'm not wearing 5" open toed heels because I have a business meeting and they look good. But they did look really good.

MOE: THIS RAIN WILL NOT END.

MEGAN: Well, it's sunny here

MEGAN: So maybe it will get sunny there later?

MOE: GOD WILLING