Should You Sleep In Saran Wrap? Eat Only Every Other Day? Elle Answers Your Pressing Diet Questions!

This I will say for Elle: The magazine's journalistic standards may be miles above their peers in fashion magazining, it might be the only women's magazine targeted at my age group I don't want to kill myself reading, but. Never did this publication let any sort of "mission" put a damper on its steady stream of "insane diets you can try if you are insane" features. The stories have the same arc: I came, I starved, I looked temporarily hotter wearing something completely impractical someplace completely idiotic, I bought $973 worth of fancy supplements and talked to two "experts"...yeah fuck all that, cheese. Anyway after last month's anemic juice fast story, I thought I was over this genre. Then I read "Fast Times: Could Eating Every Other Day Have The Same Payoff As Full-Time Calorie Restriction?" (Um: if you can handle starving every other day, sure!) But that was just the start. Ten pages later:

HOT TO TROT: Can pasty, less-than-svelte legs be buffed, sloughed and depuffed into picture-perfect condition in a mere 24 hours?

Um, I'm thinking your legs have to be a slightly less-than-less-than-svelte brand of pasty than mine, but seriously, what kind of challenge is this even? If you don't have time to give a shit about your legs, don't you just wear pants? And where would you suddenly find the time, money and uh, motivation to buy six kinds of anti-cellulite cream, wrap yourself in Saran Wrap overnight, consult numerous professional bloat-removers and perform thousands of squats and lunges? Well duh, you wouldn't. And that is the point. You are not that ridiculous. Look! Elle just made you feel good about yourself!