Jezebel
The New York Times has a series of articles on Love in Saudi Arabia. That's capital L "Love," the romantic kind of love as seen in movies and sung about in pop songs. The articles focus on Riyadh, which has strict Islamic laws. Women and men are severely segregated. Women are not allowed to be in a public place alone, without a man. Men are not allowed in malls because they may see women shopping. Women have only recently been able to drive; they are usually driven around the city in cars with tinted windows, attend girls-only schools and universities, and eat in "family" sections of restaurants, which are partitioned from the sections used by single males. But in a country where half of the population is under 25 years old, hormones and dreams are flourishing. So how do you fall in Love?
Love finds a way. The teenage girls interviewed for this story are sneaky and clever, as teenage girls are. Some dress up as men and visit men-only establishments. And while unmarried men and women may not speak to each other because Islam forbids a stranger to hear your voice, this is the era of Facebook and cell phones. Instant messaging and text messaging bring some young people together. Not everyone is comfortable with it, however. Sara al-Tukhaifi, 18, says: "One test is that if you're ashamed to tell your family something, then you know for sure it's wrong. For a while I had Facebook friends who were boys — I didn't e-mail with them or anything, but they asked me to "friend" them and so I did. But then I thought about my family and I took them off the list."
While there are penalties for being caught with an unrelated member of the opposite sex (arrest, flogging) — the worst is the dishonor that would be invoked. Explains Enad al-Mutairi, a 20-year-old police officer: "One of the most important Arab traditions is honor. If my sister goes in the street and someone assaults her, she won't be able to protect herself. The nature of men is that men are more rational. Women are not rational. With one or two or three words, a man can get what he wants from a woman. If I call someone and a girl answers, I have to apologize. It's a huge deal. It is a violation of the house." Enad's cousin, Nader al-Mutairi calls himself "a romantic person." He feels that the way things are set up in Saudi Arabia, "there is no romance." Yet his ring tone is a love song; he is engaged to Enad's sister and they text message each other. When she calls, or writes a message, his phone flashes "My Love" over two interlocked red hearts.
Meanwhile, the Times also interviews a 17-year-old girl named Shaden (seen veiled in the photo above). Her favorite DVD is Pride and Prejudice with Keira Knightley as Elizabeth Bennet. "It's a bit like our society, I think," She says. "It's dignified, and a bit strict... When Darcy comes to Elizabeth and says 'I love you' — that's exactly the kind of love I want."
One has to wonder: In a country which offers young men very little in the way of entertainment — no movie theaters, few sports facilities and with shopping malls off-limits — couldn't Love be a worthwhile pastime? If only it were not so difficult to find? As one commenter on the Times blog noted, "[It] is dangerous... to have too many young men in their twenties who have too little to do. They become prey to ideologues of seventh-century political cults, and ultimately, willing cannon fodder." When you don't take Love for granted, when Love is all you need, can Love save the day?
Love On Girls' Side Of The Saudi Divide, Q&A: Love in Saudi Arabia, Young Saudis, Vexed And Entranced By Love's Rules, Love In Saudi Arabia (video) [NY Times]
Comments
"One of the most important Arab traditions is honor. If my sister goes in the street and someone assaults her, she won't be able to protect herself. The nature of men is that men are more rational. Women are not rational. With one or two or three words, a man can get what he wants from a woman."
Where to fucking start?
when the guys started tormenting the woman waiting for her man at the cafe, i lost any interest i may have had for their stories
I firmly believe that Love CAN save the day.
You're absolutely right. It takes 'one or two or three words' to assault your sister, because she would totally not be rational lettin' a man all up in her junk and such. Because for all you know the dude was just asking directions to the closest mosque and she just lost her shit, knocked him to the ground and had her way with him.
It's cute that that one girl called her society of suffocating sexism "dignified".
Women are indeed irrational, it has something to do with our ovaries and unmoored uteruses causing hysteria.
As I woman I am not rational enough to understand this post.
Honor does not need to be defended.
A society of sexually frustrated young men roaming the countryside is exactly why polygamy fell out of favor for most of the world.
It's just too damn dangerous for everybody else.
And this:
"While there are penalties for being caught with an unrelated member of the opposite sex (arrest, flogging) - the worst is the dishonor that would be invoked."
Well, no, the worst is probably being beaten to death by your male relatives because of the dishonor you brought upon THEM.
I love this post Dodai! I am an expatriate canadian living in saudi arabia,(well my parents do, i'm just here for summer vacation) and youre absolutely spot on. its so hard for these young people, they have so many obstacles to face when finding someone. i always feel a bit guilty that i'm allowed to do things that they arent in thier own country while i'm in Dhahran, like go to the beach in a bikini, go to the mall by myself and drive. I hope that thier lives improve with more freedoms as the world changes.
. Some dress up as men and visit men-only establishments.
The gonads on them!
They become prey to ideologues of seventh-century political cults
I read this as "political cunts", but I'm not wrong, am I?
"With one or two or three words, a man can get what he wants from a woman."
Interestingly enough, with one or two or three words, I can usually get what I want from guys.
Islam is tricky
But as Lenny Kravitz say,
gotsta Let. Love. Rule.
@JessicaLovejoy: I think God put you here to test *my* faith...: I actually find that a little hard to believe. Okay, a LOT hard to believe.
@arodriguez.romero: agreed. totally not rational enough to follow his logical argument at all.
How "rational" is it to commit honor killings against female relatives? HMMMMM?
@BaconBandito:
But they're all victims, no? Like the young women in the article, have no (or little) other frame of reference for their beliefs and behavior. This is and has always been the norm for them, and I suspect that their lashing out at those who flout THE RULES is an outlet for their own frustration at living restricted lives. This does note excuse their actions in any way, but I think it justifies exactly why we *should* listen to their stories, and understand how these situations arise.
@girlreporter: With one or two or three words, I can usually get want I want from a Burger King.
when people start talking (or writing) about protecting their honor, my mind wanders straight to Warf and the Kingons. Anyone else?
Or am I the only lowley trekky nerd?
I read the article about the guy and his cousin, and I just didn't understand how Titantic could be your favorite movie if at the same time your own culture says Rose should have been beaten to death and dumped overboard for disobeying her mother.
Now that I've read the story, Enad needs a kick in the gonad. I seriously want to hurt that motherfucker. Anyone with me?
it's funny that the girl talks about pride and prej as her conception of honorable love. this passage from another 200 year old english novel reminded me of those honor killings that keep popping up:
"but a man's honour is dearest to him of all things. a wife's a bauble to it - not worth a thought."
What I loved about the article was the young girls talking about how even friending a boy on myspace was wrong and a dishonor to the family. But cross-dressing and lesbianism? Not a big deal,totally okay until they get engaged.
You would think a repressive society would find this a little more upseting than their daughters hearing the voice of a male. Saudis and their crazy logic!
I actually thought the most terrifying part of the article was when a young, fully covered woman came into a coffee shop where the cousins were sitting. They started making faces, hand gestures, just basically intimidating and harassing her for being out in public. They got even worse when she removed her face covering, even though her husband had joined her.
I would like to "romance" those two, Phildelphia-style, with a grin on my face and a swift kick to the nads.
@girlreporter: With one or two or three hand gestures, I can usually get what I want from guys.
FYI Arabic pop music has the greatest, cheesiest, cutest love (Love?) songs in the world. Eat your heart out, Mariah.
"If my sister goes in the street and someone assaults her, she won't be able to protect herself. The nature of men is that men are more rational.
So, if men assault women, and men are more rational, then assaulting women is rational?
@biscuitdoughjones:
Dating in Islam
Has some good things- you don't need
to put on lipstick.
@girlreporter: I can usually do it with one or two breasts.
Y'know, if it weren't for the parts about flogging and how men are more rational but also more likely to assault your sister, this would've been a really neat story about a culture different than ours.
Unfortunately, the part that lifts men who are barbaric as being more "rational" than women kind of kills it.
@LinaLamont:
I'm pretty sure the society as a whole is upset about the cross-dressing and homosexuality. It all happens undercover, like the illicit "dating" and I'm sure if they were caught there would be hell^10000 to pay.
Mr. Abdel-Qader and his sons would agree with Enad al-Mutairi. And that's scary.
@Sukie in the Graveyard: I grew up watching TNG with my dad, and yes, all these "honor" obsessed societies do remind me of the Klingons.
Love can't save the day, love can do fuck all. Reason and common sense maybe. Love is irrational and will only cause more chaos.
/robot ilikenoise love.does.not.compute
@SarahMC: The concept of honor killings is just beyond comprehension for me. I almost think of those who kill their siblings and daughters in the name of "honor" as somehow not human, but that just lets humanity off the hook too easy. I think, ultimately, it is a failure of rational thinking, because they've surrendered their rationality in exchange for black-and-white rules. They've given up having to think. And all they had to do for this luxury is be willing to murder innocent women. What a bargain.
Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh.
comments?
For most of you who don't know, Muslim men from Wahabism leanings, get first dibs on their FIRST COUSINS, very very common. So many of the women looking for love elsewhere have their heads in fairy tales like Pride and Prejudice.
I love Saudia Arabia, a women is raped and they blame the women for getting raped, or she might be an honor killing. The men are practically animals and they blame the women for their animalistic behavior. Why do you think they have women hidden under their abayas, so the men don't succumb to their urges, and when they do, it's always the women's fault.
Sorry for the rant, but the life for many Muslim women is a sad one.
"Enad's cousin, Nader al-Mutairi... he is engaged to Enad's sister."
Who would also be Enad's cousin.
Les cousins dangereux
... ... I want to respond to this because I love that you have posted it, Dodai, but I seriously just have no words. My rage is too deepseated right now to speak intelligibly.
@mbprice: Heh heh. Burger King...
@mbprice: I mean, doesn't becoming a murderer sort of cancel out whatever "honor" you regained by offing your evil, shameful daughter who spoke to a man?
Maybe when the opposite sex is so romanticized and forbidden love is more exciting.
All I'm saying is that at least these girls don't have to watch boys fart and be gross and then they're magical penises, instead of nasty brutes.
@mbprice: Wait, you must be confused. Men are totally rational, it's the women who can't control themselves. Back to the kitchen with you!
@MissKittyFantastico: no, "titanic" is HUGE is the most repressive of places. in taliban-controlled afghanistan, leo dicaprio's hair cut was banned by the mullahs (to say nothing of the movie itself), but people still got it in secret and hid it under their hats, in spite of the harsh, harsh punishment for disobedience (it's teh talibs, remember).
@MissKittyFantastico: Nicely put.
@betchslap: And what kind of reaction do you get when you do all of that? Is it accepted b/c you're "western," or do you get criticized?
@Begorrah: Arabic pop is awesome, actually, though most of it comes out of Jordan, which is not (yet) as severely as Saudia Arabia or Iran...
How can a woman be rational in that society?
@funnyface: your post totally reminded me that I spelled Klingon wrong. oops. I can't spell. To save my life.
And while unmarried men and women may not speak to each other because Islam forbids a stranger to hear your voice
Okay, while there is SO much wrong with Saudi it is indefensible, please please do not propogate such nonsense as above. I can take a smiliar approach and generalize absurd (and untrue) aberrations about many faiths but I have better sense than that.
Also, I would encourage anyone and everyone to see 'Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden?', directed by Morgan Spurlock. Witty and insightful.
Second also: did anyone hear the piece on the French Social Revolution in 1968 on NPR this morning? [www.npr.org] In May 1968 ... Women couldn't wear pants to work and married ones needed a husband's permission to open a bank account.