Jezebel
Oh, Moe, what have you done to us? While you were (are?) sleeping the UN decided to halt aid to Burma because the junta just keeps taking it at gunpoint to sell it; Beirut has been at least partially taken over by Hezbollah; there's just too much smack to talk about Mark Penn to even begin to contemplate adding links and, frankly, I'm just a little sick of talking about the primaries. So the Windy's Attackerman and I, in all my morning Glamocratic splendor, take on things we probably should've ignored, like the primaries, Russian goosestepping, Spencer's favorite strip club in all of Canada and Arianna Huffington's secrets about John McCain.
MEGAN: So, you want to talk Lebanon for a second? Also, are my eyes deceiving me or is the guy in that picture carrying his big machine gun with an arm that is no longer attached to a hand? And is that a statement on how intractable this conflict is that even people who have lost limbs in it and can't afford prosthetics just learn how to fire big ass guns with their stumps?
SPENCER: hezbollah has the most extensive social-service network in lebanon
it would hardly surprise me that an amputee, grateful for hezb's help after, say, an israeli artillery barrage decimated his home in tyre in summer 06, would grip up and help hezbollah seize beirut
those shiite militia groups are really good at hearts and minds
MEGAN: And, yet, reportedly, not great husbands. Probably also shit boyfriends. Anyway, so, moving on, how exciting it that, for the first time since the Cold War, Russia has decided to put its armory on display for a big political event! Political rallies: not just for goosestepping anymore!
SPENCER: wait wait why move on?
i don't do russia
my friends chris and rania are reporters in beirut
i turn to them for my lebanon news
but those assholes had to be in dubai when the shit went down
so, sigh
MEGAN: Except for the whole "it's safer in Dubai" thing.
SPENCER: ok now we can move on. what do you think of this russia stuff?
MEGAN: I think the new guy is cute except for the way that Putin's constantly elbow-deep in his ass to make him talk. That's a little off-putting.
SPENCER: did Putin work something out where he'll be prime minister or something after Medevedevedev becomes president? Or am I confused?
MEGAN: You're not confused, and he is PM right now, Meddie was inaugurated earlier this week as Pres and Pooty-Poot as PM (and, yes, I did watch Lil Bush last night, the second season is hilariously good).
Also, I'm sort of out of things to say on Russia unless the time I recount trying to negotiate with their guy on what should've been to them a relatively minor point in their WTO accession package when I was a lobbyist. It was minor to them, it was major to my industry and we were going to oppose the finalization of any agreement without them giving us something and the dude was super happy to talk to me about it because he wanted to stare at my tits. When he realized that I knew what I was talking about, he decided he didn't speak English and walked away, and the guy from the embassy just smiled at me with embarrassment.
SPENCER: the only point i can add about russia
yesterday at the bar a journo friend told me that the FBI got in touch with him
because they're "concerned" about a russian he MIGHT have come in contact with
MEGAN: I know something that will excite you to talk about though... the Pakistanis and Jay Hood.
SPENCER: he was commander of JTF-GTMO when i was there on a visit in 2005
MEGAN: Well, and the Pakistanis for some crazy reason don't want him in their country...
SPENCER: i mean
who was the genius that decided it would be a good idea to send the ex-commander of an island prison for muslims to the most volatile and restive muslim country on the planet
hood is not the problem
if you want a real military villain for gtmo, look no further than Maj. Gen. Geoffrey Miller
miller is more Legacy of Brutality than the fucking Misfits
MEGAN: I mean, is anyone involved in Gitmo, like, good?
SPENCER: he's the guy who told ricardo sanchez the most fateful mixed-message in the war on terror: "Gitmo-ize" Abu Ghraib, and here's how we do it over there, but oh by the way, we don't have to follow the Geneva Conventions and you do
kthxbai wink wink
the Navy guards who walk the blocks, they're good
those guys are like 18 yrs old and have to deal with detainees throwing shit-blood-puke cocktails at them
this one guard in 2005, she told me, you wouldn't believe what i go through to wash that out of my hair
MEGAN: Yeah, that sucks, it doesn't seem like it's their fault.
SPENCER: no more than it's the fault of the bank teller for your house going into forclosure
MEGAN: Not my house! I'm still solvent! Knocking wood furiously right now.
SPENCER: one quick gtmo story:
this one soldier who was my minder at the base was given liberty to get drunk with us at the officers club — and omfg is gtmo a weird but awesome place to get shitfaced — started to get rowdy when he learned that i had been to his favorite montreal strip club
"fuck yeah! you're my BOY!"
yelling at the top of his lungs at 3 am
then he quit the army and ran for congress in pennsylvania. true story.
MEGAN: Why have you been to a strip club in Montreal? Also, who has a favorite strip club in Montreal?
SPENCER: club supersex
it rules, that's why
me and my friends went there for the millenium & liked it so much we went the next year
the next new year's that is
btw
great job not talking about the primary!
after yesterday's comment-thread disaster
MEGAN: Like, how big of a strip-club afficianado do you have to be to have picked out a favorite?
SPENCER: i think when you go to supersex there really is no close second
unless you count the lusty lady in SF which i hear is kickass and feminist but i've never been
my friend's exgf used to dance there
christ she was hot
MEGAN: You and I are pretty much going to disagree on the greatness of strip clubs.
I'm not deliberately ignoring, but, like what's happened in the last 24 hours? Clinton's still not getting out, Obama's ignoring that, McCain's still walking around being McCain. And Clinton doesn't have that much money right now.
SPENCER: did you see mccain's ad with his mom?
it's eerie how he looks older than his mother
MEGAN: I think that's just makeup. I saw his mother at the White House Correspondents Dinner. She looked old.
Oh, and Arianna Huffington says that McCain didn't vote for Bush in 2000, or he told a bunch of Hollywood types he didn't but he says she's full of shit.
SPENCER: i happen to know but only in an off the record way that arianna is right
MEGAN: I'm sure she's right, I just think it's funny that she's the only one out campaigning against McCain right now, and is less likely to be believed by the people she's trying to convince than even the other candidates.
SPENCER: you would have to be a saint to vote for the man who called racists in south carolina to say you fathered a black baby with a prostitute
or have no self-respect
MEGAN: Yeah, and McCain's no saint and he definitely has plenty of ego to go around.
Comments
Oh. My. God. One of my best friends is abroad in Beirut right now. Time to go urgently make a transatlantic phonecall.
Counting down to civil war in Myranmar/Burma in 3...2...1...
I can't get down with Lil'Bush, Megan. It just feels like it's full of jokes that wanted to be written 8 years ago. Is the second season really that much better than the first? Because I couldn't make it through any of the first, and I love cartoons, so I tried.
Apparently he has plenty of ego, plenty of the wife's money, but is "losing his bearings" Oh Barack, don't go down that slippery Clintonesque slope...
@Macloserboy: They have taken a lesson from North Korea, it is hard for the people to resist when they are starving and the military has all the supplies.
there are definitely two hands in that picture. everything else though, unmitigated disaster.
Am I the only one who is surprised that McCain's mother is still alived?
Yes -- parades through Red Square, Putin as Prime Minister. I smell Cold War 2: The Russians Strike Back.
Watching the Myanmar meltdown really makes me nervous -- could the junta destabilize the whole region?
Also, sorry to be whiny, but what happened to the formatting of Crappy Hour? Did Moe normally do that? It's really hard to read one never-ending paragraph (especially one composed of stream-of-consciousness IM messages).
@Macloserboy: Try counting down to U.S. Military involvement. Never let it be said our current President couldn't create a little more chaos before he leaves office.
@marin79: I'm ignoring the super-strength gene pool that would put us with a second term president in his eighties.
Also, any chance we can resist the urge to discuss anything Obama & Clinton today??? Please!
@NefariousNewt: no way dude. nothing to gain. rice isn't THAT expensive yet.
@Leiakat: That's what I was going to say. There's, for lack of a better term, a tipping point for uprisings, and when you are so beaten down and can't even feed yourself, that usually isn't the time. That said, I've also read that uprisings occur more frequently when the government is hoarding rather than in situations where there are no supplies at all. Of course, the Burmese military is huge and brutal, and these people can't even feed themselves or get access to potable water, so I'm sure gearing up and arming themselves for a conflict isn't looking like a remotely feasible undertaking.
@marin79: Perhaps. Given what he went through in Vietnam, it wouldn't surprise me that he got his fortitude and mental toughness from his mom.
@marin79: No, you are not alone. But I love how that "Happy Mother's Day" video was so edited to make her sound like she was holding a coherent conversation. It was so choppy it reminded me of Max Headroom.
@NefariousNewt: And how fantastic is it that our military leaders are at a nadir for credibility, just when we kinda need to, you know, be credible to deal with this crisis.
@J.D.Regent: I wrote it before I picked the one above. Click on the article linked and please tell me...
@hortense: The first season sucked and I didn't watch but a single episode. This season, I find myself laughing, though I'm usually catching a post-midnight rerun. Lil Cheney gets more to do, Rumsfeld is more of a fuckup and less Jed than ever. Try it drunk. Lil Cheney carpet-bombed SanFran last night in solidarity with his gay daughter with Nancy Pelosi that was a watermelon for a school project. I realize that makes no sense typing it, but it was funny at the time. I might've been drunk though.
@marin79: Yeah, that totally surprises me. I think she's kinda badass though, I'm not gonna lie
@J.D.Regent: But there are WMDs there! We're sure of it... maybe.
@RyanB: I'll bet she still threatens to put him over her knee.
@J.D.Regent: Scary thought! Here I was all worried about who he's pick for his VP since I just assumed the odds were high for him kicking the bucket in office. Now it seems like my worries are better focused on an even grumpier version of old-man-McCain having his hands on nukes!
@FairhairedOptimist: I know you are right but then I start thinking about how Reagan was president with Alzheimer's and shudder to think of that happening again (tho probbaly the least of our worries with McCain!)
@kimsama: Please refresh. It's a random temporary thing...
@Megan Carpentier: Ah, thanks! You are truly the best!
I knew Burma was going to be a nightmare, but who knew the junta was going to be this paranoid? My suggestion: load up the C-130's, give them some F-15 and F-16 escorts, fly over Burma, and drop the supplies in by air, and shoot down any Burmese fighter jocks who try to get in the way. Because it's apparent the junta has written off their own people.
@NefariousNewt: That wouldn't surprise me... I read somewhere (actually, I think it was here) that she couldn't rent a car while on vacation, so she just freakin bought one.
Question for everyone: How much IS age a factor? Can an old (old, OLD) dude (or chic, for that matter) do as well as a young dude (or chic)?
Being Prez takes a lot of energy, meeting after meeting, long odd hours, decision making and such. However I'd think
I think it's actually called Super Sexe, with an extra E. It's French you know. And it's nasty.
What THE FUCK do you do with 60,000 or so corpses that have been rotting in the heat for six days?
Seriously. Any ideas? Because at this point, those aren't the remains of loved ones anymore. They're cholera factories.
Fuck, those people need help.
@NefariousNewt: Maybe it will change given the sheer affront to humanity, but I think the US has maintained a pretty strict policy of uninvolvement--I'm sure echoes of Vietnam played a role ("Never get involved in a land war in Asia!")
A professor of mine in college was ambassador to Burma during the '88 uprising and he said he got orders not to let any of the populace seek shelter in the embassy. He ignored it and did provide asylum, but it was in defiance of direct orders. Things were bad in '88, too, though I guess more of a political struggle than a natural-disaster induced humanitarian crisis.
@RyanB: I do the same thing every time I can't rent a car. Actually, a few weeks ago I couldn't get a flight, so obviously I just bought the plane. Doesn't everyone?
Hezbollah -- not just a bunch of pretty faces!
@marin79: Yeah, but now I'm stuck with all these planes in my back yard.
(Whoops, sorry, didn't post all the way)
Question for everyone: How much IS age a factor? Can an old (old, OLD) dude (or chic, for that matter) do as well as a young dude (or chic)?
Being Prez takes a lot of energy, meeting after meeting, long odd hours, decision making and such. However I'd think people who make it to Prez are incredibly ambitious to begin with and have been operating like that their whole lives. And let's be realistic, it's not like they're up there by themselves reading policy and making decisions alone. They're surrounded by advisors and experts in their fields (that's why I never bought the whole "Obama isn't ready on day one" thing... it's not like he's alone up there with no advisors, etc.) And... old people always get up way early anyway. But dinner at 3 and in bed by 7. Hmm.
So does age really matter?
@Megan Carpentier: Definitely no hands. Hm.
@kimsama: That was my first thought when I saw all the disorganization and people's inability to get aid.
The whole region looks like it's in serious trouble. I honestly didn't know it was so bad.
@BlowJoy: In my opinion, it should mean a lot. Just think about how much Clinton & Bush aged while in office. And they were both relatively young. The stress of that job certainly takes its toll.
@marin79: Good genes!
@BlowJoy: I know, I've been thinking about that myself. I mean, for dems/moderates I think it's certainly a factor this election just because mccain will probably pick a very conservative running mate - who will take office is mccain were to, you know...
@MadelineBassett: I think an uprising would have been more likely is the national disaster wasn't so massive. I suspect is has broken a lot of the spirit.
@marin79: It certainly takes it's toll on the individual, absolutely. But does it necessarily negatively affect his job, the country?
@NefariousNewt: newt i'm no scared-y-cat but am v. aware that bush co. is probably more dangerous than ever in their last 6 months. who knows what those fuckers may get going on the way out the door?
@kimsama: please don't call it myanmar, it's burma. the junta changed the name, not the people.
@marin79: Sorry, but the situation in Burma breaks my heart and I'd rather wade into the sludge that is our political process than feel helpless about a brutal government, it's frustrating!
@dreamweave: I think the age issue is going to become major after the primaries.
Does anyone have better info on why the Navy is getting its' ancient Caribbean fleet out of moth balls? I heard this on Democracy Now yesterday and it seems ominous...
They were talking about closing down Supersexe (and it's sister club Super Contacte) last year, Spence. I believe there was a mild uprising involving the bandying about of words like "cherished" and "institution." Needless to say the club, in all its light-pollution-emitting glory, is still there for American tourists like yourself to enjoy.
Re: "Rally" in Russia--it's Victory Day to celebrate the defeat of the Germans in World War II. Of course there are parades and things. It's a huge national holiday. My boyfriend is getting drunk on a boat right now.
@Charlotte Corday: With you 100 percent. We're on the edge of Burma, as the man once sang.
@Megan Carpentier: ugh. i see what you mean.
Am now on bizarre nostalgia trip remembering how when I was a kid, Club SuperSex ran ads on the local NBC station (which came out of Plattsburgh NY). Only after the 11 o'clock news, though. Sometimes it was hard to tell where the "SNL" fake ads left off and Le SuperSex began ...
@BritneyCanadaWhore: closing that place would be a travesty. My GTMO handler might never recover.
Oh wait. There are other strip clubs on the planet? And others on the Rue d St Catherine? Yeah I think mankind will survive.
@ASmallTurnip:They need to burn them. It is standard practice when any type of distaster creates too large a death toll in such a short period. (That is actually what the nursery ryme ring around the rosie is about.)
@marin79