Jezebel
Yesterday on CNN.com, Anna Jane Grossman tackles the very heart and soul of personal blogs. Grossman says some may question why people share their deepest thoughts and feelings with strangers online, but the better question is: Why not? Grossman writes, "Overeating, alcoholism, depression — name the problem and you'll find someone's personal blog on the subject." Grossman spoke to Stacey Kim, whose husband died of pancreatic cancer. "Kim curled up next to her husband and held him as he succumbed to a long battle with pancreatic cancer," Grossman explains. "The next morning, she went online to post about the experience." Stacey's emotional blogging helped her cope. "Right after he died, people kept asking if I was in therapy," she says."I'd say, 'No, but I have a blog.'"
Grossman notes:
Writing long has been considered a therapeutic outlet for people facing problems. A 2003 British Psychological Society study of 36 people suggested that writing about emotions could even speed the healing of physical wounds: Researchers found that small wounds healed more quickly in those who wrote about traumatic personal events than in those who wrote about mundane activities. But it's the public nature of blogs that creates the sense of support.There's something about communication. The transfer of emotional information. When you're burdened with heavy thoughts, sadness, confusion, despair, depression and internal turmoil, does anything compare to unloading it all through writing or talking? There's a release that comes from the simple act of expression, of crafting intangible feelings into words and sentences. It's therapeutic, liberating, healing. And, according to a study called "Effects of Age and Gender on Blogging," women are more likely to blog about their private lives.
We got an email from a reader yesterday. She claims that Jezebel has been her therapy. "This is what I dreamed of in high school and after, a space of kindred spirits and friends," she wrote. She continued:
My husband cheated, with my best friend, thank you very much. The Jezebel editors AND especially the commenters were there. Giving out advice, support, and snark. In real life, where people where choosing sides and making bland, passive aggressive statements to my plight, the sheer volume of outpouring and sincerity of I got was both heart-warming and bolstering. EVERY SINGLE DAY, there were words of support, so many of the commenters, there are waaaay too many to name. And it helped, more than I can articulate in words. On Monday, I received a hand-written note from my landlord telling me my children and I have to be out by Monday the 12 (end of lease). There's a whole story behind that, but its still the same story. The Jezebelles mobilized into action! People looking up links, offering advice...Can a blog replace SSRIs and visits to the shrink? Maybe not. But when was the last time your pills or psychiatrist helped you find a new apartment? There was a time in our collective pre-historic evolution in which a woman could actually rely on her "community;" the other people in the cave or around the campfire. Could it be that the internet has helped us come full circle?
Your Blog Can Be Group Therapy [CNN]
[Image by wjmckelvey via Flickr.]
Comments
So when I go for "retail therapy" and then blog about it, I'm ensuring perfect mental health, right?
My therapist always told me I needed to be more connected (I'm a loner by nature.) The Jezzies on some days are a lifeline.
Prozac, yes. Klonopin, NO.
"small wounds healed more quickly" Just out of curiosity, where did these "small wounds" come from? The researchers, perhaps?
Blogging is the same as keeping a diary, it's just different technology, that's all.
Living in a new city on my own right out of college, Jezebel makes me feel less alone at times...so I think it can be a good thing for some.
If I gave up my meds and my shrink, I couldn't even drag myself out of bed to write a blog. Then again, I was a lot more creative and wanted to share my feelings (outside of my dr's office) when I wasn't on meds.
I think journal writing and blogging are super therapeutic, but I'm not sure they'd take over for my meds. Especially since I'd probably keep my writing private anyway.
I come here for the community warmth AND the pictures of Clive Owen.
Mostly, I find it comforting that there are smart funny women all over the world that I can relate to - this is especially useful when I'm feeling cast adrift in a sea of smarmy pigs.
But enough with the sentimentality. I like the snark and the sex stories.
I was one of those kids with a livejournal in Jr. High, spilling out my guts to the world. (It's still active, and reading it makes me laugh so hard).
Recently, however, I realize that the last thing I want is for people I don't know to know everything about me. I got creeped out by how everyone at my school could look at everything on my facebook, and put it in lockdown mode. Even now, I'm thinking about deleting it. It's creepy how random people I barely knew in H.S. can see all my friends, our "wall-to-walls", etc.
I love reading blogs, but I can't imagine putting all my shit out there for everyone to see.
I don't think I could be honest, either. I'd always be censoring it because I'd be afraid of who would read it.
I don't know about blogging being like therapy, but the support from online friends I've received throughout the years has been absolutely amazing. They allowed me to rant about scholarly frustrations, an overbearing mother, a sick mother, insane siblings (1 borderline PD, 1 bulimic, 1 just generally insane), nasty boys who commented on my butt and my rape. (There, I typed it! First time, woohoo for me!)
My Jez girls are newer acquaintances, but most definitely just as supportive. So yeah.
Wait a second, expressing your thoughts and emotions is....good?
I don't think that blogs should replace therapy but it's certainly another place for support. I had a miscarriage the other year and I would pour over all of the "miscarriage blogs" out there because I could tap into a group of women who truly understood what I was feeling. Many of them were also going to therapy and it was nice to read that. It all gave me a nice feeling of "Hmm, I'm not crazy for thinking these things and being this sad and I'm not weak if I need help because they needed it too."
Blogging seems akin to keeping a journal, so I can see how this makes sense. Although, I don't have the attention span for either.
The journals of my youth are filled with "I WANT TO DIE!!! I HATE MY MOM!!!" and food/weight charts. That doesn't make for interesting reading.
There is something alienating about modern life. I'm many states away from friends, family, high school or college friends. And I work in an office with only one other person.
I think it is certainly easier to talk about certain problems and solicit help and advice under a (sometimes sort of transparent) guise of anonymity. I don't think blogging replaces other forms of therapy, but it's certainly a good supplement.
Also, I'm really happy that the commenter above was able to get help from the group when she needed it. I hope that kind of help is available for me if I ever need it.
@ineffable.me: BUT, people don't generally show their diaries to other people. And the community/public aspect of blogging is what makes it blogging.
@Archetype: I destroyed all of my journals from high school. A friend of mine was all, "What if you want to look back?" And I thought about it for two seconds and realized that the shit in those journals was NOT the shit I wanted to look back on.
I just started a blog that no one will ever find. It made me feel better. My therapist stopped seeing me about 3 years ago because I didn't need her anymore. The blog is my "let the asshole out" area. No one can judge me for it, or if they do, I don't feel it.
This is precisely why I have a blog. I'm sure no one reads it, and that's actually the best part. It's like a private journal that someday, someone may actually relate to.
I fancy myself Emily Dickinson, apparently.
@SarahMC: My mom read all my journals. She was a snoopy fucker.
@treecut: but isnt that why the internet is so great? my family and my friends are all in different places. i can keep in touch with everyone and it keeps me from becoming a serial killer.
@SarahMC: but not necessarily, i mean yeah diaries are private, but you can still blog without showing other people and even when other people come across your blog there is (or there can be) a level of anonimity.
@tailfeather: Amen! I loves me some Jezebel.
Although my productivity at work has decreased somewhat.
@Archetype: My mom read mine once (maybe more than once) too and like Hortense I destroyed them all after h.s.
Oh. Another lovely post. I'm not a blogger but I have to say there is therapeutic value to the lurking reader. I went through a shitty marriage and crappy divorce while dealing with depression and cancer- Yeah, put all those together and clinical depression is inevitable and profound. The combination left me really isolated and wary of re-entering the world. I found out about blogs. They introduced me to people who were going through similar things and induced me to talk to people outside of my family, therapist, and doctor. I can honestly say they brought me entertainment, camaraderie, and a few vicarious thrills. I felt emotionally connected without having to risk a lot- which at that time was the only way I could connect without panic. It was one of those small miracles, which in the greater scheme things may not mean much, but affected my life and helped ease a rough few years.
A good blog finding the right reader is one of God's good things.
@SarahMC: so like therapy, but instead of an almost-silent psychotherapist (a few "uh-huhs" thrown in there for good measure) or a nut like dr. phil... you get jezzie commenters!
I write on a blog about things I love. I started it after my dad died, to remind myself there were still things in my life that I could love and find enjoyment in. I think it has helped.
Love that story, so sorry for her situation, but heartwarming to know how many people are willing to step up and help. Truly an awesome group of people.
BADA BING! Why the heck do you think I'm here??????? The support and love I've received from Jezebelles has been uplifting! Here I can vent, rant, reveal, show you my skeletons and dirty laundry. And my public self is preserved and protected, all within the safety of my home.
Here I'm not restricted by time constraints. Check in when it's convenient for me. The variety of experiences and stories amaze and inspire me. Best part--the rapier wit of the writers.
Seriously I had a terrible 3 month episode that just about killed my spirit. Then I found a therapist and auditioned for Jezebel. Soon I will be right as rain.
i love my blog and he loves me back, but we're definitely in a professional relationship. i understand how writing can be therapeutic, but my blog and i keep it purely at the office.
my diary and i, that's a different story.
PS I also went to therapy. A good idea not to pigeonhole what's going to work for you. Try several things, something will click. Or in my case, several things all at once.
Writing, talking and taking pictures. And time.
I have a blog, and I find it theraputic, but it only works because there are two people from my RL that know about it. I would feel weird, vulnerable, and constricted if people I knew were reading.
Blogging has really helped me with the break up I'm going through with my boyfriend of four years. I post in friends-locked and sometimes filtered livejournal posts, so I know exactly who may be reading it.
And Jezebel is a wonderful community. It makes me laugh and makes me feel not so alone sometimes. I have some issues with a lot of internet forums, but Jezebel is almost always a happy and supportive place for me to be.
Also, some of us local Seattle Jezzies have started meeting up, and it's wonderful! Our next meet up is April 16 at the Nite Lite downtown, if you're from the area and want some IRL Jezebel action.
@SarahMC: I keep journals now, but I plan to destroy them in the near future. I was at a memorial service recently and the hubby read from his wife's journal which he "discovered" after her death. I don't want anyone discovering mine.
@hortense: I threw mine away for somewhat different reasons. I always tried to keep journals, but I'm not so great at writing down my feelings, so they always ended up being about what food I ate and other trivial nonsense. Needless to say, I didn't have to put much thought into throwing them away.
I've been keeping an online journal in one form or another since my sophomore year in high school (I wrote my first entry on January 1, 2001). Throughout high school, I also kept handwritten diaries. As I got older I discontinued my old-school diaries. I found that having my thoughts on the internet where someone could read them, whether or not they wrote me any feedback, made me feel much better than writing it down on paper ever did. When I read those old entries today, I am shocked at how lonely and sad I was for all those years--up until about 2006. I love that I can call up these old thoughts anywhere there is a computer with internet access and see how far I've come.
This is why I love this site so much - from the support to the sex to the tear-jerking articles that keep my life in perspective. Expression, letting it all out - that's all it is, and here we find women and men that are willing to help and support someone they have never met.
I visited this site several times a day during my worst of my depression and words can never express how much it helped.
*kisses*
@lolacat(ΩΜ): Nothing could replace my anti-depressants or my therapist. Really you need to cry with another human being when you are depressed. I don't recommend trying to get out of that alone and unmedicated. Too dangerous.
My friend's father recently passed away from brain cancer, after fighting for nearly 2 years. His stepmother kept a detailed blog of his last few days. It was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever read. The last post was about how she wasn't sure what value the posts gave to the rest of the world, but it helped her to get out everything she was feeling, that she couldn't quite say to him in his last days. So yes, I totally believe this.
I don't blog, so I can't say that blogging has been therepeutic, per se.
But reading other people's blogs and connecting with their commenters has been educational, inspirational and validating to me.
@Archetype: I tried to use secret code in my high school journals, by referring to people Gossip-Girl style. I love D so much! M kissed me today! I stole a sweater from S during gym. I now have no idea who those people are. My college journals are just "You're so fat and ugly" over and over with a few "I am never drinking again"s thrown in.
@brendastarlet: DITTO!
Also, to the point of the Jezebel support, I'd have to agree wholeheartedly. I don't think I'd compare it to therapy, but it's been wonderful to meet people who've had similar experiences (see the cutting post), hear all of the honesty (any post about sex and bodily functions) and just interact with people with such different perspectives/opinions.
I'm glad the commenter who wrote in is finding some support through this site.
I blog anonymously to keep from getting Dooce-d and to protect the superspy identities of my partners in crime (and cocktails). And though I do still cringe when people feel the need to get all judge-y about my life and say hateful things, the positive comments are worth it.
Which reminds me... I need to update.
@exelizabeth: Jealous.
Are there any Pittsburgh Jezzies out there? Sometimes I think I may be the only one. And sometimes I need a cocktail with someone clever.
@BlondeGrlz: I think the only journal I'd like to keep from college is the one I wrote in while high on Lortabs for 2 weeks after having my wisdom teeth out. I was just about to leave for London and was listening to the Stealing Beauty soundtrack on repeat. HILARIOUS.
WHOA, hold on! I don't think anyone is advocating replacing therapy with blogging. As the title of the article suggests it is "group therapy" where you can receive feedback. Blogging is a supplement not a substitute.
I started a blog to blow off steam. One of the problems, though is that sometimes you find out more about your friends than you really want to because of one.
I found out that there are a couple of friends I have that turn into complete arses in comments. I have one who calls any personal blogs "whining", one who thinks they need to pseudo-analyze everything, and another that thinks snark is conversation.
I have started restricting blogs, but then you run into people who assume it's about them.
On the whole, however, it's very good for evening a mood to know there is some place you can dump a load and walk away. That, and drawing.
I just think it's really wonderful that I (and and others) don't have to live with doubts about whether I'm the only woman out there who's ____ or who ____ or who doesn't feel _____. That can be really isolating, and it's good to read other Jezzies' comments that I can really relate to.
@Archetype: Yeah, I kept my Ramona Quimby diary from 4th grade. Some things are worth holding on to.
@hortense: Oh, my, Ramona.
Next time I'm in Portland I'm totally getting a photo with the statue of her and Beezus.
I am new to Jezebel and new to commenting in general, but considering I got dumped 5 days before my wedding a few weeks ago, I've really needed communities of women (besides my friends here who have listened to me over and over) who often have things to say that really get me out of my dumps! It keeps me from feeling too sorry for myself and gives me hope.