Jezebel

Rachel fucking Zoe? What is this, the Special Thinspo Edition of Allure? Fuck right off.

I miss Lizzie Mcguire.. I don't know who this Hilary Duff character is.

Oh, Jonathan Adler, you just broke my heart with that hideous shirt. I thought you were better than that.

The fact that Rachel Zoe was within 10 fucking MILES of an event called "Most Alluring Bodies" had better set a MoeRant (TM) in motion.

Jennifer, when you pre-empt your 'love' for those shoes with a "sorry", it makes me think that secretly, deep inside, you hate them , too.

Appology accepted though. She looks amazing otherwise.

I kinda like H-Duff's dress.

Olivia Palermo, please send me your skin care secrets.

Rachel Zoe, neither you nor your body are alluring, no matter how you cut it. Please pack your bags and catch the next flight to Tatooine. Thanks.

Linda Wells for Eileen Fisher.

Actually, it's a smart move, because puts the celebs in focus and not what she's wearing (Anna Wintour, take note.) The sales women at Marshall Field's always wore black for that reason back when my mom worked there. That way, they didn't distract from the clothes they were trying to sell.

see ya later, decorator!

god love me som j.adler

Umm yeah something is off with Hilary's dress no doubt about it.
I heart Simon Doonan. That is all.

That picture of Rachel Zoe sort of looks like what would happen if they took a picture of Blake Lively and ran one of those "what will you look like in twenty years if you smoke, tan and do a crapload of drugs".

I hope it's not a fashion mag b\c those are some boring wardrobe choices.

I am still trying to figure out how to get my hair to do that poofy ponytail thing like Nikki Anders has going on. Every time I try, I end up teasing it so much that I look like hybrid of Amy Winehouse and pageant disaster. Do any of you all know how she did that?

@Eeva: Srsly. How is it that ANYONE finds this woman attractive, let alone emulate-able? (if that's a word)

Shiny metallics are supposed to be "in" right? I'm going to need to see an example of a GOOD shiny metallic dress, because so far I am unimpressed with the trend.

ew, what is wrong with rachel's handbag?!?! the leather is so overly tanned--its all creased and crepe-y!
what? that's her face, you say???? NOOOOOOOO!!!!

I will never understand the appeal of Rachel Zoe, the crazy hold she has over her clients, or how in the world Jennifer Garner manages to avoid becoming another one of her clones.

@hamburgerhotdog: Eek. In that case, I hope Blake stays clean and wears lots of sunscreen.

Rachel Zoe, thank you so much for everything you've done. Every square inch of traffic-cone-orange skin that every sleb is currently rocking? All you! Every strand of tragically fried bleached hair with extra extension? Gotta give you credit! Weird baggy cheap-looking frocks? You go, girl!

...Very far away!

Sigh. At one point, Carey Lowell was just the epitome of "big boned WASP" beauty.

allure is the most unbelievably boring, unreadable magazine on the newsstand. who came up with the briliant idea to publish an entire magazine devoted solely to beauty products? i like cosmetics as much as the next girl, but after reading about ten pages of lipstick recommendations i can feel myself getting dumber.

@LucyRed: i say stick to metallic accessories. shiny metallics just call attention to your widest parts--which, on zoe, happens to be her head.

Royal purple is such a pretty color...currently in looovvvveee with it.

Once again, the dark tights and dark shoes do not elongate the leg. It stumpifies and looks terrible. Save it for the winter if you must, when you want to keep your legs warm.

nikki anders's dress is really cute imo.

The boning in Hillary's dress is too long for her torso, it pulls the bodice.

And, yeah, that weird boob-flap at the top of the dress. I don't get it.

Andrew Saffir is trying desperately to look like Tom Ford.

Simon Doonan is my hero.

@DontFearTheReefer: For some really weird reason, Lucky doesn't give me the same queasiness. I think it's because Lucky doesn't really make any pretentions about what it is: it's all, "Let me show you some pretty shit. Mah pretty shit: let me show you it."

Allure doesn't really have a niche like that.

Olivia, you are so pretty and have such shiny hair. I really really hate your shoes though.

I would say that the colour of Mr Saffir's sports coat is biscuit, not lemon. Although this is possibly because it is tea time (4pm) here in the UK.

@tscheese: i had that same thought as i was typing my comment, actually. i think it's because cosmetics are such a tiny niche of the market. it just seems really absurd to devote 300 pages to something as insignificant as makeup. lucky doesn't bother me as much because they cover clothes and jewelry and housewares as well as beauty products. and like you said, at least they're upfront about their rabid consumerism. i mean, the tagline is "the magazine about shopping."

Well, I love Allure. I subscribe to it! It comes on the same day as Vogue, and I always read it first.

Linda Wells is intelligent and self-effacing and unpretentious and very pretty in a clean, unfussy way. And I actually believe she edits, in the traditional sense.

The mag's photography is gorgeous (there may be ten pages of lipsticks, but they're shot so lovingly), and there is usually some decent beauty sociology article or two. It's an old-school approach to a ladymag, but I far prefer it to catalogs like Lucky or servicey crud like Glamour.

And the great Polly Allen Mellen was Allure's creative director before she retired. That seals the deal for me.

Sad story: A while back I started getting free issues of Jane sent to me (I have no idea why). And then two issues in, Jane was no more and I got a letter in the mail telling me that I would be getting Allure as a replacement. So now every month I get some magazine telling me the best way to use concealer. So not a proper replacement.

Does Rachel Zoe own anything that ISN'T assymetrically cut?

Also, Allure devotes a LOT of space to clothes -- it isn't 100% beauty. And I believe they have a much better track record of using nonwhite cover celebrities than most of the other ladymags.

I think that Rachel Zoe's body is indeed alluring. Alluring just like the TV shows that feature bovine cesarean section, say, or state highway patrol drug arrests...

@tscheese: @DontFearTheReefer: I always think about how 90% of cosmetic/beauty products featured in magazines are there because they either sent a shitload of swag to the editors or pay a shitload of money for ads. So, having a magazine full of that doesn't really appeal to me.
But, I do like Lucky. I think it's because I can just look at it, enjoy the pretty pictures, occasionally find something I might buy, and know it's always there for good, mindless entertainment.

@LvV: that's definitely commendable, but they are particularly heavy-handed with the airbrushing, to the point where the cover celebrities usually look like plastic dolls. i will concede that maybe the mag isn't a COMPLETE waste of paper, but i still can't understand why people actually buy it.

@Plum-Pie: I would agree. Unless there is something wrong with my computer screen (or, you know, eyes) that coat is a light beige/khaki/biscuit color.

i've always thought carey lowell was totally lovely and fly. but i dunno WTF is goin' on here, man...

Does anyone else think Rachel Zoe's hair is a wig? It looks far too healthy to be biologically related to that face and body.

Has anyone at Jezebel invited Rachel Zoe to guest write a blog post justifying her existance? Because I am totally curious.

Is it wrong that I lurv Carey Lowell's outfit???...then again, I am an old lady

@smalls: Everyone knows that only sad, poor people walk around without hair extensions.

I don't think any of this clothing should be in the "good" category. And Hillary Duff's teeth are too damn big for her mouth. What was she thinking?

Has anyone ever noticed Rachel Zoe's picks on Piperlime? Some of the most atrocious, misleading information for fashion to date.

Awww, I love Allure. I get all excited when it arrives in my mailbox every month. They have some really good features and the photography is usually really nice, plus it's not all about how to lose 30 lbs. in a week and give the perfect blowjob.

I just wish they'd stop doing to same "smokey eye/nude lip/extreme close-up" cover every freaking month. At least change up the makeup, guys! We've all seen the smokey eye 400 times now.

@TheUptightMidwesterner: In fairness, she has styled Jennifer Garner on a couple of occasions and Garner has looked amazing, and appropriate, and not at all like a trendy druid.

Now, what I would like to see is Allure's justification of Zoe's existence on its Most Alluring Bodies list, and their explanation of how that is anything other than a whole-hearted endorsement of a really unhealthy (look how restrained I am being!) lifestyle.

Hey, how come the editors get to say "Who is this? I have no idea what she has done. Why is she famous?" and the commenters can't? Is confusing, yo.

That said, Rachel Zoe makes me want to run far far away and buy lots of sunscreen.

@cinemaddict: Oh my god, YES. Everything she picks has some gigantic plastic "gem" on the toe, or something similarly hideous detail.

[www.piperlime.com]

Plus, she can't manage to choose a shoe under $100.

I like some of Allure's beauty essays, but I don't buy it often because I don't care about the fashion or beauty tips/products pages. Same as liking Seventeen as an preteen for the first-person essays, reviews, and articles, but skipping all the fashion/beauty stuff.

I like Glamour and Elle. Marie Claire isn't so good anymore, Cosmopolitian is lame, Vogue is too snotty, and I'm not interested in Lucky or InStyle. I look forward to issues of Bust, Bitch, and Venus.

@Sassette: Me too! I also like that the Total makeover shows real women, exercising and eating right to get down to a HEALTHY weight, instead of using a fab cocktail of clenbuterol and crack like SOME people (*cough* Rachel Zoe *cough*) allegedly have done. ALLEGEDLY.

@sandu2342: Seriously. They regularly feature - toward the front of the magazine, even - normal women who are not a size 00. And they're big on debunking/exposing dangerous or just overhyped beauty practices.

As beauty magazines go, I really think Allure is one of the smarter ones.

Admittedly, I have not seen the most alluring bodies issue. That said, can we get someone who uses their body for a purpose other than making bad movies? Like an athlete or an activist or someone with some good to contribute?

Wait, I have no idea who Rachel Zoe is, but why is she exempt from the Jezellution not to trash women for their bodies? And yeah, I googled her, but Google doesn't really tell me these things.

Simon Doonan is married to a potter?! A POTTER, people. How adorable is that?

Also, purple! Wee!

@exelizabeth: (and from the comments I'm assuming it has to do with how she treats other women's bodies, but still, some illumination on this subject would be nice).

you know, i actually like allure. the magazine is albeit, sort of weird, but i have a "sephora spy" like passion for make up and have you actually read any of the articles? they're really good! even the celebrity interviews which i hate in every magazine ever, Allure makes them interesting.

I really, really