Did you know that in Dallas, they're calling her "Yoko Romo"? I learned that on Morning Joe this morning.

@brendastarlet: You know, if our vadges are so fuckin' powerful, you think we would have used them to vanquish all the douchebags by now. AND YET THEY REMAIN.

it kindof makes me happy that they didnt photoshop it so her stomach was totally flat. there's shape in there.

9 things? Show up naked, bring beer, have pizza on speed dial. Next!

I like the color of the background. Thats the only positive thing I can say about that cover, so I'll just keep my mouth shut about everything else.

@brendastarlet: yes! i can only hope that she will drag tony and all the cowboys down!! woohoo!

for once i'm ahead of the curve - my hair is in a ponytail all the effin' time. i am glamourous!

Does the "50 Most Glamorous" list have Ashlee on it? If it does, I'm pretty sure Jessica's head will finally explode.

@jenalicious: yeah, but there's still some arm weirdness... and apparently she has a transparent thigh.

@KathrynwithaY loves Joan Collins: And if it does have Ashlee, then my head will explode trying to reason why she'd qualify as "glamorous."

@JessicaLovejoy: I think God put you here to test *my* faith...: Unfortunately, said vadges unfortunately are an integral part of creating said douchebags. You just don't know that they're douchebags until many years later.

@JessicaLovejoy: I think God put you here to test *my* faith...: Douchebags are like cockroaches. They will survive the apocalypse. The upside is, after the world ends and they're the only survivors, they'll be forced to mate with the cockroaches.

@brendastarlet: Oh that's funny. Frankly, I'm impressed by that degree of cultural and historical awareness by Dallas fans*.

*I come from a family of them, I can say that.

Read this one yesterday. The cheap beauty deals would've been interesting if "Recession Possessions" hadn't run here on the same day- Jezzies, you give much better cheap beauty tips than Glamour eds!

An entirely dull rag from cover to cover though. I'm pretty sure I skimmed 75% of it.

What horrible relationship advice.

Commit adultery! It's a major turn-on for all involved! Except anybody involved.

@PinkSoxHat: I was sorta loving the color combo in general. And the weird awkward sit J.Simp is doing. Because at least it isn't the Cosmo hike-up-the-skirt pose.

@jenalicious: She is rather squeezing the DDs together a bit, no?
Otherwise, thanks for ze cliffs notes, barely a step up from Cosmo, this one.

@Xavoc: Echoing what I've been told: Feed 'em and Fuck 'em.

I HATE glamour! After the canceled JANE its such a slap in the face every month when they send me Glamour in its place. GRRRR!!!!

Speaking of what's normal "down there" (ugh, hate that euphemism)... My sister (OBGYN) had a 14-year old patient who was in tears last week because she thinks her labia are so abnormally large that she can't ever have sex. Of course there's absolutely nothing wrong with them, she's just been looking at too many airbrushed vaginas. My sister refused to a do a labiaplasty. Then the mother appealed to her, telling her she didn't care if her daughter's vagina was normal or not, it was depressing her little girl and therefore a flametorch should be taken to her pussy. My sister still said no and referred them to a therapist to help both girl and mommy work through these body issues. Ugh.

When will celebrities learn to stop talking about their "love" lives in interviews? We all know it's not going to last.

@mbprice: I was so startled by it that I hit replay on my Tivo to make sure I heard it correctly. Of course, the analogy is flawed: Yoko Ono actually had a career before she met John Lennon.

@jezebelacious: im surprised they fit into the fendi. usually designer duds dont work well with plentiful boobs.

@haguenite: WTF, gross. And where was this 14 year old girl looking at airbrushed vaginas, Playboy?

When I look at Playboy the last thing I hate on my body is my labia.

@haguenite: LABIAPLASTY ON A 14 YR OLD.
wow. awesome. really. too bad your sister doesnt do boob jobs. they couldve gone in for the porn package.
fucken ridiculous.
your sister sounds rad.

106 beauty products...a rather arbitrary number, but they're pulling all this out of their ass, so what the heck.

Glamour used to be an fun read a couple decades ago.

@Snowbunny: Seriously. At the same time, how many fucking douchebags try getting into your pants despite and/or because of you being married?

@GTCosita: Poor JSimp really doesn't have anything else to talk about. Her Dad, on the other hand, would like to share the gospel of her DDs.

Heh, that's right Jessica, continue to distract the Romo with poon and nightclubbin' and inopportune vacations - I hear Cabo is beautiful around minicamp time. I love it when a plan comes togther, mwhahahaha!

@haguenite: Well, your sister was right in saying no and referring them on to a therapist...good lord.

Is this the new it magazine pose to replace Cosmo's hand on hip skirt hiked up look? If so, I can run with it.

@ineffable.me: I heart the Porn Package! The gift basket comes with an excellent "Cum Dumpster" baby tee.

it's true: don't wash down there. Ever!
unless you want chronic yeast infections.

I actually really like this cover, she looks pretty.

But I also really like the color combination of yellow and green, so I'd hedge a bet that's why I overlook any flaws.

p.s. at least they're telling people to stop soaping their vadges, that one of the worst things you can do.

Also, whoever chose this cover HATES her. I think she's a lovely looking girl, and that fake smile is not doing her any favors.

@murielmercurial: What about after sex with a condom? I have to soap up after or I just don't feel right.

all the things magazines tell me about my vadge seem like pretty common knowledge.

do women who worship these things not know about letting it breathe?

I'm suddenly having the strangest craving for a double-scoop vanilla-mint chip Baskin Robbin's cone with jimmies....

@brookidy: That's true, she has nothing to promote, does she? It seems that divorcing Nick didn't give her the carreer boost Papa Joe thought it would.

@effingminnow: @murielmercurial:
what? huh? I know not to douche, but wash? evah?
or are we saying rinse with water?

Ugh. I was just in the stirrups this morning for a biopsy. Wish me luck, girls.

@AthertonMerriweather: Never use a soap stronger than Dove. That's what Nurse Practitioner Mama to FF says.

@Snowbunny: @ineffable.me: @KathrynwithaY loves Joan Collins: My sis can rock when she wants to. It's also awesome that she did this and then thought "Hey, perhaps I should check the Dutch OBGYN Society's official stance on this". She got it right, thankfully. If she hadn't, I'd say the official stance was wrong.
It's also awesome that she convinced the mom not to shop around for a (private) doc until they've had at least 6 therapy sessions.

@murielmercurial: hearhear! Now, if they'd just tell women to stop douching as well. If you just use old-fashioned water you really don't need a douche.

@Jerseylicious:

Thereby creating the douchecock, or the roachbag.

Or worse....the cockbag....

@GTCosita: I think she has a CD of country music coming out.

@effingminnow: Never heard this before. I am mystified. Do you mean internally, rather than the surrounding region?

@murielmercurial: @haguenite: @funnyface:
Uh oh - you are going to make Terrance Howard very, very unhappy. Pipe down, ladies!

Those are definitely Ds. I hope. Because they look much like mine and I in no way want to have DDs until after I've popped a few kids out.

@MissCricket:

Luck is wished! I hope your beauty is OK!

@Brigit: Well yeah, exactly. A guy who wants to be with a married woman is basically tattooing "I hate commitment and just want sneaky sex" and even Samantha Who got sick of that.

@haguenite: What 14-year-old girl is looking at airbrushed pussies? WTF?

@Snowbunny: Oops, sorry, that thought also leapt into my mind and I hastily replied and copied you. Which leads me to the conclusion:

You're brilliant! ;-j

@murielmercurial: im gonna need more explanation with the soap on vadge thing.

@CMG: think again! Not so fast... no doubt this isn't just your gather it up and slap an elastic around it ponytail. No ho ho. this is no doubt, a teased, back combed, teased, gelled back, fake ponytail coated in products that cost no less than 50 bucks a tube.