Jezebel

Obviously, not a very strenuous work-out. Thank you, but I will stick to my marshmallows & "Biggest Loser" marathons.

"I looked down and I could see my breast muscles moving." LOL!

Why do I suddenly feel that I'm in 1992?

If a vaunted, peer-reviewed academic journal like The Journal of Applied Research says the Easy Curves is an effective boob-enhancing tool, it must be!

Okay, you are not "working your breasts," you are working your PECS. For fuck's sake.

Push-ups and pull-ups do the same thing but for free.

I'm old school when it comes to mah boobies, it's "I must, I must, I must increase my bust!"

"The muscles that strengthen and lift the bust..." you mean the pectorals?

This reminded me of nothing so much as the YA book where all the girls try to touch their elbows together behind their backs while reciting "we must, we must, we must increase our bust." Can't remember which book though.

@Archetype: probably the fuschia bra matching the fuschia grips on that boob stick

"more centered" - I thought uniboob was something to avoid.

Lift and seperate the girls.

@Archetype: We must, we must
We must increase our bust
It's better, it's better
It's better for the sweater
We may, we may
We may get big someday!

@tailfeather: @Busted Weave: Arg. Apparently I am totally unoriginal. Sorry.

@tailfeather: Huge tracts of pecs...

@babytuna: You don't match your bra to your 'gym' equipment?

Now, I am quite sure that I would fail the pencil test, but I'll squeeze my hairbrush in front of me for 10 minutes a day before I'll shell out $10 for a plastic bar with pink rubber grips. Hell, I'll let the bf watch, and kill two birds with one bouncy stone.

So apparently it's meant not only to increase your bust size, but folds easily to carry for self-defense.

Well, if it was tested at University, it must be good.

BTW, can we talk about Extenze? I want to hurt myself every time one of those people says "that certain part of the male body."

@Archetype: The soft focus and the vaguely Kenny G soundtrack?

Crispy Hair?

I can't believe that advert isn't a spoof... white coats, 'research'...

I reckon those exercises might work, though. I call it 'barmaid's breast' cos when I was working behind a bar and reaching up work stiff optics a lot, I felt my pecs really get worked out and looked a lot perkier as a result.

I wish we could all go back to Bullet bras. I need Easy Pointers for Easy Stabby Action.

@JessicaLovejoy: I think God put you here to test *my* faith...: Boob U?

my fourteen year old self wants one of these SO BAD!!! mom, PLEAAAASEEEEEEE!!!

that fucking god i'm not fourteen anymore.

@nenasadije: thank*

But does it work? We need some investigative reporting.

Mostly it looked like they were giving the bar a handjob.

@brookidy: I've heard it's located next to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College.

@NefariousNewt: Well played Python reference.
@wolf biter: Journal of Applied Research? Well, i did a study for the Journal for the Bleedin' Obvious, and my results were that straight guys like boobies, with little regard to their naturalness. So I call quackery on this Journal of Applied Research.

@Busted Weave: LOL Haven't heard that for years! Ha ha ha! At least something good came out of this ridiculously stupid ad - you made me laugh! Thanks!

I would totally fail the pencil test (is that were the pencil is supposed to fall out from underneath your breasts?), but I would assume that almost anyone with NATURAL 38D/DD's would fail that test. If you don't, they are fake. And I don't do fake boobies.

@JessicaLovejoy: I think God put you here to test *my* faith...: Down the street from the Royal Magic College of Hyderabad.

@CorporateTool: Are You THere God? It's Me, Margaret. My first Judy Blume book, and my introduction to breast enhancement and sanitary napkin belts.

push. ups.

the bra and the exercise.

@crushdmb: For real, if you have tatters my size, and you can pass the pencil test, I think that NASA would like a word with you and your gravity-defying skills.

@CorporateTool: i know it happens in Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret, but it wouldn't surprise me if it popped up elsewhere.

if that commercial were on at 3am, i would so believe that i needed one.

Also, good old fashioned push-ups will do the same trick.

And "boob stick" is my new favorite insult.

@Sparker_Pants: @Busted Weave:
...and pushups don't require 'three easy payments', either!

It scares me so much how they jump...

"the bigger the better the tighter the sweater, we must increase our bust!"

If you have saggy boobs you can work your pecs all day long and your boobs will still sag. No amount of pec work can undo decades of gravity =(

13 year old boys must LOVE that advertisement.

I doubt that this bloody contraption could do a thing for me. My mom told me that I could get by with band-aids instead of a bra. BTW, she also tried to get me to the "I must, I must, I must increase...." exercise.

This commercial is a sketch from SNL or something, right?

Dear Jezebel,

thank you for keeping me abreast of this titillating new development, one of which I was unaware. I'm such a boob, sometimes.

love,

PaintedTrollop

@JessicaLovejoy: I think God put you here to test *my* faith...: Dear God, I saw that crapomercial at the wee hour of 3am one night. Hilarious, sad and unbeweavable all in one.

My boobs are saggy, droopy, floppy. The opposite of perky. But they gave nourishment to two babies. And they're healthy (thank God). So fuck Easy Curves.

Do they mean centered as in parallel, or one on top of the other like a traffic light?

I love the part where they show a female researcher hard at work. Anyhow, if the bar works then I suppose that the old tricks like dipping thy bosom in ice water or singing opera music also work.

@JessicaLovejoy: I think God put you here to test *my* faith...: Hubby got the mail about six months ago and there was a package addressed to our neighbor down the street. It looked like cable TV junk mail stuff, so hubby opened it. (His reasoning was not to bother the guy if it was junk.) Turns out... It was for the guy's junk.

Neither of us had the 'balls' to give him his 'package'. We figured that he'd call the company, and have them ship another.

@Lymed: jezebel editors: youve been given your orders. do with them as you wish.

video of this research would be appreciated. thanks.

My first thought was that some guy(s) is gonna record that shit next time it comes on and use it as wank-fodder.

@Mrs. Lovett: And yeah, it was Extenze. We gave it to my co-worker as a gag gift.

"The Journal of Applied Research: putting science and insecurity where your boobs use to be."

I noticed funny part in this commercial when I saw it the other day. Towards the end, when the woman refers to her "breast muscle", her face changes. Halfway through the sentence you can almost see the actress realize how ridiculous those two words sound together. It comes out as "breast..er..muscle". It's awesome.

As several have said before me, push ups are quite similar, or incline bench press. I did have more cleavage-- made of *muscle*-- when I benched four days a week. Butterflies also seem quite similar. But espousing any of these exercises without also building back muscles is asking for strains and bad posture.

I saw this this weekend and almost died laughing. Is it 1967 again? Are the commercials on VH1 actually ads in the back of Tiger Beat magazine? Am I actually a gullible 12 year old girl? My husband was like, "so this is along the lines of 'male enhancement', isn't it?" They can't actually make real claims so they're just like, "my breast muscles are more centered....I'm more confident"

My husband would buy this just to have the excuse to say "boobs" around the house.

@CorporateTool: Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret.

Which assholes were in charge of the "University Test" they tout?

Seriously, this crap didn't work when I was 11 and reading 'Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret' and it ain't gonna work now. Television, would you please stop giving me a complex about the size of my boobs for ONE FRAKKING DAY?

I'm trying to decide...is this the same Dr. Jan S. Kodat in the commercial? I'm thinking yes...and if so...I wonder what her church thinks of these commercials? [www.calbaptist.edu]