Why Women Today Should Like It When Their Friends Bone Their Exes

The Barbara Walters memoir releaseathon is reminding us of something we'll pretend we knew before, since it's exactly the sort of frivolous miscellany our brains would absorb for a few weeks before trying in vain to replace it with the name of the Burmese military dictator: Barbara Walters used to bone Alan Greenspan. For this reason, 82 years later, Alan Greenspan's codependent wife Andrea Mitchell will not let him near Babs alone. This strikes me as one thing that has changed for the good since the era when Greenspan began systematically dismantling the federal regulatory structure that might have prevented pretty much every single colossal financial scandal that ever exposed massive shift of wealth into the hands of the financial plutocracy: women these days actually enjoy being within one degree of sexaration of one another.

My roommate and I dated the same dude. I have three dudes in common with a good friend whose birthday falls the day after mine. There are four known dude nodes uniting Jezebel editors [I have nothing to do with this. -Ed.], and none of us even knew each other before working this blog. These days, you fuck a laissez-faire asshole like Greenspan and come out alive, you meet another broad who's boned him and become BFF. Dudes are our war stories; introducers of the impetus to define and defend our moral codes and mental sovereignty; invaders of our cultural and philosophical border regions; custodians of the context of our memories; critical and often curious specimens in our ongoing quest to understand Why They Hate Us who are sometimes really bad in bed and talking about that can be fun. A woman who harbors feelings of jealousy or suspicion toward the ex girlfriend of her soon-to-be ex-boyfriend is, put simply, a woman who is out of step with the macro trajectory of the American economy and, by extension, our entire Way of Life.

I Had To Ask: Books [The New Yorker]
Why Did Andrea Mitchell Appear With Alan Greenspan On The View Today? [BigHeadDC]
Alan Greenspan, Andrea Mitchell [NYT]