Pete & Ashlee: Trying Too Hard

Don't they know it's hip to be square?

Jezebel could run the exact same picture of this pair every day and I'd never know the difference.

Those fake Westwood boots can suck it. I'll take the necklace, however.

Hey guys, you know the Hipster Handbook was a joke, right? RIGHT?

That necklace is ridic. It looks like it should have an anchor affixed to the end of it.
Also, is Pete wearing X-ray specs? Sweet.

They're total lovable/hateable, but the feeling I have for those boots is more like pure love.

@trikitixa: I was just thinking the same thing...except I would have a sore neck after an hour.

are those faux suspenders on his shirt? really?

i like her t-shirt though.

I don't know, that necklace looks heavy.

The chain around Ashlee's neck is a subtle homage to Jacob Marley. Unfortunately, Ashlee also has to drag Pete Wentz around.

Actually, I think his sunglasses ruin both of their outfits.

I would find them both acceptable, otherwise, despite the hipster vibe.

Emo a-go-go!

"Our future's so bright we gotta wear shades."

Pete, it's not nice to steal sunglasses from little children.

She looks cute enough.

His sunglasses look like something my 4 year old gets in birthday party goody bags.

Cannot even pretend to give a shit about these two. Those glasses he has on are HIDEOUS though.

@bananastand: My 5 yr old has the same pair. He got them out of a box of Trix.

I am fully expecting Pete will be wearing giant clown sunglasses by the end of the summer. And he'll seriously believe that he looks hot in them. The clown population, however, will not be amused.

@RemoteCommander: The fake suspenders are symbolically holding up his pride.

They're like the Bonnie and Clyde of knocking over Hot Topic stores.

Yeeesh.

Ashlee is clearly announcing her pregnancy by wearing a necklace made of diaper pins.

Are they walking directly into a 4 alarm fire?

Looks like Hot Topic's got sunglasses, buy one, get one free!

omg make it stop!

@biscuitdoughjones: Why are you hating on baby monkeys???

My personal lifetime aspiration is to be the person in the background of one of these pictures--silently judging, much like the man in the red shirt seen here.

@Trashtastic: I remember ordering a pair like that from an ad in the back of a comic book. THEY NEVER CAME. Jerks.

@BowlingForDollars: Correction: I'm hating on baby hipster monkeys. Those little shits are always leaving PBR cans and empty Parliament packs all over my driveway.

Are they still famous?

Crap. That stupid tattoo on her arm is real, I was convinced it was for that Ashton Kutcher fake celebrity news thing.

@tscheese: Bonnie and Clyde would NOT approve of such comparisons.
More like... the Dumb and Dumber.

Guys, the sunglasses are obviously the height of fashion. It took a few years, but Edina finally managed to get those Pop Specs out there and on some unwitting fashion victims, even after the Morocco fiasco.

@biscuitdoughjones: So THAT's who's to blame for the empty Parliament packs all over my car floorboards! Baby hipster monkeys...I should have known.

built-in suspenders or twee ribbon accent?

Pete: "I see the world through fire-tinted glasses, to match the rage within my soul.

Because I am an ARTIST."

I do love her Rampage chain...clearly she's a UFC girl.

I really want Ashley's shirt, it's legitimately cute. Other than that, meh meh meh meh meh.

(My mom, on the other hand, would love this. She thinks Pete Wentz is so interesting. I find this HILARIOUS.)

@biscuitdoughjones: OH. Okay. I hate those little bastards too!

Baby hipster monkeys don't ride Vespas that their trust funds bought them. They also don't ride around in Jettas that have twelve Apple stickers on the back window.*

No, they ride TRICKED-OUT HIPSTER INVISIBLE UNICORNS with NON-FACTORY PAINT JOBS.

*I want that so hard

@blackbirdfly: I think they're also responsible for the copies of Chunklet and McSweeney's I keep finding amongst my smashed windows. Periodical tee ball is to blame, and so help me, I will find out where they meet...

@RemoteCommander: No, silly, it's obviously masking tape.

Also, why the fuck does the tongue of one's shoe need to reach one's calf?

She's ok but he's such a d-bag. Lose the sunglasses, kid.

I like her shirt too. Where can I buy the cheap knock-off?

@touchmyshoe: I don't know but puffy tongue shoes were all the rage in 1985 and all the (not so) bad-ass 7th grade boys were listening to Rush on cassette.

@MsDirector: Fuck Pete Wentz, I'm buying YOUR record.

@biscuitdoughjones: Please, before you get all vigilante on monkey ass, let me just say: the mug shots you have here look to me more like orangutans. Those little bastards cause all sorts of trouble for innocent monkeys everywhere.

I wish the younger people knew that the 80s were stifling and boring, and dressing like an extra in Gleaming the Cube is fucking stupid. But thanks for the laughs, suckers.

Whoops! I just saw Pete Wentz, and accidentally knocked him out.

We get it, Pete, we get it.

@bananastand: Your glasses must have gotten lost in the mail with my sea monkeys.

Um, I hate to tell you this Pete, but every 13 year old who's been to a bar mitzvah in the past 15 years has the same sunglasses. The DJ throws them into the crowd, usually while dancing the electric slide.

@trikitixa: Oh hell yes, you had to drop in a Gleaming the Cube reference and make me laugh like a spazz.

Even the dude in the background is all "look at those hipster tards, glad I don't look like THAT!"

surely pete wentz's fashion sense alone is all the birth control ashlee could ever need?

That's a whole lot of stupid.

Those $3 shades make me want to smack him. They are as obnoxious as he is.

I can tell you all right now that those dumb sunnies are doing nothing against the UVAs.