Jezebel
Dolly Parton has been on tour. But didn't she cancel it on account of the weight of her heaving bosoms? "They say my tour's in shambles," she told an audience at Radio City Music Hall last night. "Welcome to shambles." Get thee to Atlantic City tonight, high rollers! But anyway, it was a report from Dolly's Virginia show on Monday that piqued our interest: apparently a song off her new album Backwoods Barbie demonstrates "her belief in intelligent design." Seriously Dolls? Isn't intelligent design for people who think being gay is a "choice"? Would the lyrics to this "Jesus And Gravity" song shake my belief in a pop culture Deity? I consulted them.
I'm to the point where it don't add up I can't say I've come this far with my guitar on pure dumb luck That's not to say i know it all 'Cause everytime I get too high up on my horse I fallWell yeah that something would be her enormous saline-augmented knockers. And Dolly knows full well that she could have them "lifted up" by the powers of human reason and science and modern surgical techniques, but she doesn't, because, as she explains in "Backwoods Barbie"'Cause I've got
Somethin' lifting me up
Somethin' holding me down
Somethin' to give me wings and
Somethin' to keep my feet on the ground
I've got all I need,
Jesus and gravityBut I'm as bad as anyone
Taking all these blessings in my life for granted one by one
When I start to thinkin' it's all me
Well somethin' comes along and knocks me right back on my knees
I've always been misunderstood because of how I look.She needs to be true to herself. Which doesn't really make sense, but neither do most things, which is why you eventually just think "maybe there's a Higher Power," but if Dolly Parton looks that way because of some deeply rooted aesthetic ideal she grew up with, it can't be all that intelligent, right? Because if that Higher Power were more intelligent, then her tour wouldn't have been canceled in the first place...
Don't judge me by the cover 'cause I'm a real good book.
So read into it what you will, but see me as I am.
The way I look is just a country girl's idea of glam.
No yeah, I'm thinking way too hard.
Dolly Parton's Subversive Message [NYT]
Related: On The Scene: Dolly Parton (And the Biz's Best Stage Banter [EW]
Earlier: Dolly Parton Enthusiasts Give New Meaning To The Term "Fanatic"
Dolly Parton Blames Tits For Postponing Tour, But Is An Eating Disorder To Blame?
Amy Sedaris Stars In Dolly Parton's New Video
Comments
personally, i need waaaaaaaay more shit than jesus and gravity can provide.
unless jesus = beer, sushi, vibrators, and my cat. not all at the same time though, i hope.
If I had to look like Dolly Parton to be Dolly Parton, I would. Because even though it's not my aesthetic, Dolly is the best and everyone knows it.
Dolly has always been a paradox. But that's what makes her amazing.
I heard Dolly interviewed once and she remembered going into town as a little girl, seeing the town tramp, and thinking she was the most glamorous woman.
In my book, Dolly Parton is Jesus.
Just a couple weeks ago, Dolly fed me a communion feast of butter and champagne.
@Lymed: I find that endearing.
Dolly Parton is the SHIT. 'Nuff said!
@Screwvenir: and so the space-time continnum explodes.
@Screwvenir: Is that The New TITStement?
@Screwvenir: Word.
@Screwvenir: In my book, Dolly Parton is God.
whatever. i love dolly parton. you can believe in both Jesus and science. they aren't mutually exclusive.
and i don't see what's so wrong with the way she looks. growing up in rural VA i thought that dolly, loretta, and pageants were about as glamorous as it got.
I love you Dolly, but please, give that wig a good washing. It might poke your eye out.
At first I read "Jesus and Gravy" and thought, "God, they put gravy on EVERYTHING down South!"
When I was a young child at Dolly's dinner theater in Branson Missouri, my water turned into wine. There is no other explanation...save for the hillbillies did it.
i love her laugh. it's genuine and i adore her.
@lermanzo: i think it was all the sparkle.
There are a lot of hot black guys wearing parkas and some cute old ladies in the video!
i love dolly parton. but for reals she doesn't look like a real person anymore. Go watch 9 to 5. She was so cute. Now she just looks like every other celebrity seeking the fountain of youth via the knife.
Jesus, Take Dolly's Wheel!
Dolly Parton can honestly do no wrong in my book. She's a super lady.
@KittenFluff: Personally, I like my Jesus battered, fried and covered in cheese or chocolate which they would also do in the south. Thank God (Dolly?) for southern culinary wonders.
@Screwvenir: Jay-sus obvs doesn't love me enough to help me get shit-faced when I really needed the salvation of it. Branson is dry- trust me, I have spent a few excruciating weekends there.
Regardless, Dolly, herself, is a fucking miracle so I guess she is her own best evidence of intelligent design. (Jolene, anyone?)
I think Dolly should be the patron saint of Jezebel!
Whenever I think of Dolly Parton, I immediately also think of Polly Darton, the awesome, blond-wigged Sesame Street character.
[www.xmere.com]
@myrtlebeachbum: Dollelujah!
@Saddletramp: agreed. a little jesus and gravity does everybody some good. that song makes me cry.
@marykick: Dolly's been doing plastic surgery before it was trendy. Dolly doesn't look like other celebrities, the other celebrities look like Dolly.
I find nothing wrong with people believing in intelligent design mainly because that's what I believe. However, I will not go near that movie Expelled.
I went to the show at Radio City last night and it was sooo great! She was wearing this white sparkly dress and played several instruments which were also all white and sparkly. I was in the second to last row at the top so pretty much all I could see was hair and sparkles. She's the best because she's campy AND a great singer and songwriter.
@lolacat: It is excruciating...I grew up near there. That it is dry makes the event more miraculous. Word...Jolene is my favorite song.
Hard dick and bubblegum are to Tionna Smalls as Jesus and Gravity are to Dolly Parton.
Me! Me! I'll be at tomorrow night's show at the Borgata! I'll tell Dolly Jezebel says howdy!
@Screwvenir: Don't you mean "hill people milk?"
@wolf biter: 30 Rock! that was so funny
Dolly didn't write Jesus and Gravity, so I don't know that I'd read that much into it. She did write most of Backwoods Barbie, but my theory is she recorded J&G to have something really commercial to release as her first single. She's made no secret that she'd really like to get back on country radio.
There's no such thing as a secular country music artist. If Dolly loves her some Jesus, I say go on with her bad self.
I don't really see how this song shows that Dolly rejects evolution, though.
@TipsyRussell: That's pretty much all I could see when I saw her a couple of years ago, but it was still absolutely spectacular.
@TeenageGangDeb: Yeah- as far as I understand it, intelligent design does not reject evolution, per se. It basically inserts God into the blank spaces where science hasn't discovered the cause. So, what caused the Big Bang? Intelligent Designers would say God.
i love Dolly Pardon so much. She is really smart.
Sigh. I want some Dolly Love.
If Dolly = Deity, does Dollywood = Mecca? I submit that it does. I know it was a religious experience for me.
Why are we still perpetuating Jesus and science as being mutually exclusive?! They pair pretty nicely, actually.
Also she looks like a glammed-up scarecrow.
@SouthernSatine: If that is indeed the case, I have the messiah on my refrigerator in magnet form.
I love me some Dolly! And anyone who gives free books to all the kids in Sevier County, TN (where Dollywood is located) is a saint in my book!
I remember when I was a kid and my mom told me she wore a wig. It was like finding out the Spanish language wasn't just people talking in tounges.
How can you not love the woman that says:
"I look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next door to an amusement park."
and
"I'm not offended by dumb blonde jokes
because I know that I'm not dumb.
I also know I'm not blonde."
@elizabethfromabove: Because scientists hate Jesus. Last I checked, straight Jesus and straight science are pretty mutually exclusive- thus intelligent design.
Don't diss the Dolly. Jesus loves her.
@SouthernSatine: I consider Dollywood my Mecca. Then again I'm wearing her face on my t-shirt. . .because she is sparkly and wonderful
I've been loving Dolly for 45 years or so. Does my heart good to see you young'uns giving her her due. Maybe the world isn't really going to hell in a Louis Vuitton handbasket, after all!
This took a few minutes to puzzle out, but even before I understood the criticism I think my instinctive reaction was to say "Oh whatever, it's Dolly Parton, she can do whatever the hell she wants"- yeah.
@BowlingForDollars: What is Tionna up to right now? I miss her.
@kisskisskiss: She's got a column on Radar's site: [www.radaronline.com]