Pete Doherty was only in the slammer for 29 days!? I feel like he's been incarcerated for like years now.

Or that could be because anytime I see a picture of mug, with that enormous popsicle-like lower lip gaping open and his tiny grey teeth pointing out in all directions, I close the browser and try to forget.

Well, I guess that's that. I'm going home.

I've decided to make my sex tape from the grave. Just two skeletons knockin' bones. I think it's important to show people that sex doesn't end, just because your heart has.

I'm holding out for a Buddy Holly sex tape. I'd definately watch that.

*Yeah, I'm sure I would hate to have to cover up for Star Jones' gastric bypass lies...then again, I would have called BULLSHIT in front of her, so good thing I'm not on The View.

*At first glance, I thought Uma's stalker was named Jack Johnson and thought "Why would a barefoot, acoustic guitar player stalk Beatrix Kiddo?"

@tscheese: He always looks so sweaty and disheveled.

Do we really care about an affair Baba or Babs had in the 70's? I think not.

I still refuse to believe Miley and family did not see proofs or anything of these photos before they were published. Was it poorly thought-out? Sure. But everyone lacks good judgment sometimes. Own it girl!

The Mariah/Nick Cannon thing is still blowing my mind. I hope Ashton Kutcher had something to do with this mess.

Why do people care if dead people had sex tapes? Seems kind of morbid to me.

And I wouldn't get in Pamela Anderson's jacuzzi in a HazMat suit. Just sayin'.

well, at least you can always count on Pete Doherty to act exactly like Pete Doherty.

Classy, Babwa. You used to have some semblance of respect as a journalist. Now? Notsomuch. Talking trash about former hosts (even if they are utterly hateful) is just tres trashy!

@Meg: contender for COTD! And so early!

I knew babs was down with swirl. Everytime there was a good looking male black celeb she def get moist in the crotchal area.

@AthertonMerriweather: There's coffee in my sinus processes now THANKS A LOT.

Wait, didn't Pamela Anderson just get full US citizenship? And now she's going back to Canada?

Charles Barkley cracks my shit up. I have no idea why, but when he speaks, I laugh.

@DontFearTheReaper: It is not appropriate to make me think about Barbra Walters' crotchal area!

"Nick and Mariah
Suck face like
babies and pacifiers"

Unicorns are capable of anything, Nick.

@Meg: Well, at least neither of the parties will have troubles getting a boner.

*badabum*

Sorry.

@SinisterRouge: Hell, she's getting up there in age...Might as well air some dirty laundry in a tell-all while she can.

A Barbara-Walters-esque reporter having an adulterous affair with the first black senator since reconstruction sounds like it could be adapated into a hell of a good movie.

I almost feel bad for Miley. Sure, if I were a 15-year-old starlet, I'd probably be all, "OMG VANITY FAIR! FAME! SPARKLY LIGHTS! I'M A GROWNUP NOW OMG."

But who among us was really making great career decisions at 15? I feel like her parents really failed her here. Sure, she was ultimately the one who sat for the photos, but now she's kinda...stymied.

If she says she's a good girl, people say "Bzzt! Wrong! You're actually a wanton lustful STRUMPET." If she admits she likes Sex and the City, people are all "HAHA! We KNEW it. you're totally a wanton lustful STRUMPET."

She can't win.

@cate3710: Pamela Anderson is Canadian?! It feels like all my securities have been sucked into a wormhole. I'm alone in the dark with nothing to cling to.

@DontFearTheReaper: ewwww! Now I'm gonna have the mental image of BW's moist crotch in my head...not the right way to start a Friday.

Mariah knows that her lambs will protect her better than any prenup could.

Hugh Downs would never stoop so low.

@cate3710: I can't read the article... is Pam being kicked out of the US or just choosing to go to Vancouver because it's an awesome place?

@SlappySquirrel: Or a hell of trashy romance novel.

Also, I thought the Marilyn Monroe sex tape had been decried as false like, a month ago.

@KathrynwithaY loves Joan Collins: She's what? 94 now?

@tscheese: "Strumpet?!" Hahahaha that is such a Miss Havisham kinda word, haven't heard it in forever.

My career choice at 15 was to be the skinniest, tannest, bitchinist lifeguard at my local pool (not many goals or cares at 15). Not so comparable to Hannah Montana, but my Mom did supply me with SPF 45, so she was doing her job I guess...

@haguenite: Sorry. But yes, she comes from Canada.

@LaFemme: According to E!, she's originally from British Columbia, so I think combo of awesome place + returning 'home'.

@DontFearTheReaper: I really don't want to know how you know this.

@SinisterRouge: Hmmmm I don't know about 94, but close to it? That's something for me to Wikipedia. Either way, when you're old, why the hell not lay all the cards on the table? Its not as if she'll be fired from The View at this point.

@tscheese: I agree with you, and not to hijack the thread or anything, but after the whole Bittany, Jessica Simpson, Lohan era...what is it with people that insist on having these girls be role models for America's teenagers? I never, never had a role model that was my age when I was younger. Older women, definitely. But I never looked at 15 yr olds as people worth of being role models...even when I was 10. People freak out when these "role models" do something that doesn't fit within their ideas of virtue, but at the same time its like, she is only 15 herself! You cant expect some 15 year old to set the precedent for your child- be your own kid's role model or introduce your child to more kickass people than some 15 yr old born into the industry.

@KathrynwithaY loves Joan Collins: She couldn't be fired from The View anyway, though - isn't she executive producer or something?

@KathrynwithaY loves Joan Collins: Can she be fired from the View? I thought she was a co-producer.

@tscheese: Or like 20-30 years ago when it first popped up.

@AthertonMerriweather: Mariah has a stable of elite martial unicorns. They feed upon nosebags of nonpareils and Skittles, and their loyalty is to Mariah and Mariah alone.

I fear for this Cannon boy. He will be Cannon-fodder, if you catch my drift.

It's nice to know that the FBI is hard at work investigating alleged sex tapes and not, I don't know, catching criminals or whatever.

honestly, with rosie o'donnell, what did barbara walters expect? the woman made bajillions of dollars with her own show. did she think she was easily going to mesh in with a team when she achieved the bulk of her success calling all of the shots? further, i called b.s. on star jones from the moment she said she lost the weight by doing 'pilates'. liar liar pants on freakin' fire.

@tscheese: miley cyrus already won and feels bad all the way to the bank. no sympathy for her because there are a million girls who are waiting in line to take her place.

@SlappySquirrel: I'm thinking Katherine Heigl as Baba and Jamie Foxx as Sen. Ed Brooke. With a John Mayer/Kanye West soundtrack.

@tscheese: I'm not sure I do.

Are you suggesting that Mariah and her cavalcade of unicorns are going to war? For whose cannons will Nick Cannon be fodder?

@braak @cate3710: I don't think she can be fired from The View, she did help to create it and is kinda calling the shots (as evidenced by the disappearance of Star Jones). I suppose she can retire if she wanted to down the road.

I totally think she can handle the scandal. She's tough.

@tscheese: Yeah, I'm pretty sure at 15 I would have *loved* for someone to think I could be a strumpet. And thank you ma'am, that is my new favorite word of the day!

@braak: Yeah, except they need to find a way to work into the story some kind of royal title, a pirate, and the romance novel triple word score "gypsy stable boy"!

@rednrowdy: Word word word. If it was Rosie pre-buzzcut, maybe Barbara would have a right to protest. But come on, after she got shaved to prove to Boy George that she was cool (I'm not making this up), all bets were off in keeping Rosie in line.

@SinisterRouge: Agreed. However, Babwa has NEVER been much of a journalist...& even if she was, she's so damn annoying and self-important, she can't get past herself in an interview. Jeez.

@braak: If this Cannon boy dares to break one of her Hello Kitty commemorative plates, then yeah, homes! He'll be fodder for unicorn sniper bullets of pure candy-cane.

And Nerds as shrapnel.

@tscheese:
I declare "strumpet" the word of the day.

At 15 I thought I was going to be some sort singer/guitarist who wore a lot of black and quoted Poe. I was also going to be really, really hot.

@Meg: Now you're DEFINITELY going to need lube for that one.

@LaFemme: Also, can I just add something about this whole role model thing?

Why should people ON TV be anyone's role model for anything? (young or old) How about the girl that kicks butt on the math team or plays awesome soccer. Or is a fantastic writer, artist, anthropologist, whatever...

Shit, I did want to be Wonder Woman/Lynda Carter, but then again, she had an invisible plane.

@farmersdaughter: The Lady and the Prince of Boston, a romance novel for our times.

Barbara is a strong woman who knows what she wants and how to get it, but the fires of her marriage are going out. When she meets the handsome senator Edward Brooke, he kindles a passion in her that she cannot deny!

Together, they pioneer civil rights legislation, and fight the evil Calico Jack Rackham, the pirate king of Boston!

(I can't fit a gypsy stable boy into this)

I could care less about Babs affair from the the 70's and I am in my late 40's..and sad to say NEVER heard of the brother. I would rather hear more View dirt like Star & Gay Al and Rosie..gossip 60 years old is no longer gossip, it is history!!