I think this engagement is another one of those jokes for Ashton Kutcher's new show. No way this is real.

Wish Amy would stop inflaming these rumours of infidelity, by y'know, going out unchaperoned with members of the opposite sex.

That Michelle Williams item just makes me sick. I honestly don't care what they're doing; other than the fact that I want them to have some privacy and peace.
Sheesh.
Who is doing this? We need to write letter to these publications.

First BI: Billy Ray Cyrus...*shudder*
Second BI: Paris Hilton?

waaaaai, Lindsey is recording another album?

I see Nick Cannon is keeping it CLASSY! Could he not afford a new ring?

The Lowes seem just a tad pervy, but time will tell, I guess.

If all those rumors are true, Wino is getting AROUND. But you know she needs her drug time too...

Yeah Edie Falco!

Leave Michelle and Matilda alone. Really. They deserve a little peace.

@Muffyn: No. We need to go to Michelle Williams' house, and spray the Paparazzi with a firehose.

Diva's can NOT have recycled engagement rings. I pray for Nick Cannon's sake, this is a part of Ashton's crappy show.

Nick Cannon? Ew. He gets engaged every year, though.

@braak: firehose spraying acid? I'm down with that.

LEAVE MICHELLE AND MATILDA ALONE!

I'm hoping the engagement is true, they break up, and there's a leaked sex tape. I'd like to see what happens after Mariah hunts Nick down.

Awww, yay Edie Falco. I just love her.

What're the odds of Tom Cruise trampolining on furniture this time around?

@KathrynwithaY loves Joan Collins: I know, isn't "wonky" reserved solely to describe Paris? But it must be somebody more low-budget.

@DorothyZbornak: Totes agree, Ashton was the first thing that popped into my head. He's so along the same lines as that guy from Real World that keeps "playing tricks" on the roommates that no one laughs at.

@Muffyn: Remember that every time you click on a photo here of a celebrity's kid. I'll keep saying it until it stops. STOP SHOWING THE KIDS, JEZEBEL!

And P. Diddy has tarnished my favorite vodka. Sigh.

Dear Lindsay, "Rumors" is one of my favorite work-out songs. Churn out more like that please.

Signed,
Jessi

@DorothyZbornak: OOh, I really hope so. Otherwise, someone needs to have a talk w/ Mariah. "Mimi, darlin', seriously? The kid from Drumline? Who was engaged to a Victoria's Secret model? Who apparently was cheap-ass enough to ask for the ring back? Who apparently was cheap ass enough to re-use said ring? NO. NO!"

Nick Cannon looks like he's trying to grab Mariah's crotch on that pic. And please tell me BI#1 is NOT Joe Simpson. Ew...

Here's some Lohan math for this morning:
Crazy Father + X Stepmother > Dina
Determine the value of X

I secretly think and Usher/Michael Bublé song would be fanfrickintastic. Don't judge me.

@Macloserboy: oh I know. While I think the kids are cute, I think all kids are cute and no one needs their privacy invaded like that when you're too young to allow it. Even the parents don't really deserve what the paps do, but the children so much less.

@salmon.villa: See, the "wonky" tipped me off, so that was my first guess...but I don't know who else it could be...hmm

@Muffyn: I don't think the acid is really necessary. Plus, it would be horrific.

@BlondeGrlz: I won't judge. I heart Michael Buble in an embarassing way.

TR Knight's bf is a UCLA student? Weren't there rumours that he was dating some dude from Brothers and Sisters?

*You let Pete Wentz beat you up at a FOB concert? Are you twelve and was it a slapfight? Pete Wentz does NOT look like the fighting type.

*See celebrities? That is how you adopt a child without fanfare and intense media coverage.

@Jessi Ramsey: I am always deeply, deeply ashamed when actresses churn out totally manufactured, digitally manipulated, total crap songs AND I LIKE THEM.

I couldn't get Stars are Blind out of my head for like a week. I know, I know, I'm a pox upon society.

@DorothyZbornak: That's the very first thing I thought---has to be the ashton kutcher show. Just has to be. Please?

Nick! It's called a PAWN SHOP. You can turn in the old ring and get a new one. No one has to know how cheap you are.

@skittlbrau = baa: Is he still with Emily Blunt?

@tscheese: I listened to "Stars are Blind" so much that it was briefly in my TOP PLAYED SONGS on iTunes. I wish to God I were kidding.

I really liked the movie Drumline. I have no excuse.

But seriously, Nick, trade in the ring.

Is Li'l Kim broke? Why is she losing her car?

I have never seen a dude's pierced junk in person. Those in the know, what is that about?

@PetiteGal: He was. Now he's moved on to an activist college student, and they're both just adorable.

Also, did people think an ex-sex addict like Rob Lowe was going to marry someone NOT crude and perverted? Buyer beware: any nanny who doesn't google old interviews from her boss in the eighties, I have little symapthy for.

@DorothyZbornak:For realz. No way would Mariah accept some secondhand piece of jewellery. Considering she is probably richer than he is.
Yay for Britney!
I would totally see Tina in concert.

@Scoithniamh: Yeah...Its interesting to say the least.

@braak: Horrifficly wonderful?
j/k. sure sure plain water is fine. Then once they have the idea, we can just carry squirt bottles and spray them like you spray misbehaving cats.

@tscheese: I could NOT get that song out of my head. I liked it, but I refused to pay for it and give Paris any sort of money/credibility. But I secretly LOVED it, reminded me a bit of The Tide Is High. Don't tell Blondie I said that, though.

Tackée Harry?!

I love waking up to you, Jezebel.

I love how it looks like Nick is looking at her fingers in that picture, thinking, "girl, you shouldn't have washed your fingers so much after applying that self-tanner!"

@Scoithniamh: My 60 year old father LOVES Drumline, and will watch it every time it is on.

@Jessi Ramsey: DITTO! I looooved that song, but couldnt admit it publicly until now. See Lindz, my love for you is out, now why arent you and Sam? ;)

@Scoithniamh: I knew a guy who had seven piercings in that particular area. I was always too chicken to look but I've been assured he was not lying. True story.

Is there something weird with Mariah Carey's hand in that picture? Or is it just an artifact of the photo?

The repo man? Oh no! When is Lil' Kim gonna get some money, power, respect?

Even though there's only a ten year age difference btwn Mariah and Nick, I feel like she could be his mom or something.

@WifeMotherCrip: Agreed. I think it's because she's been around for so long, she seems a lot older.

@tscheese: I fucking love Stars Are Blind. I'm pretty sure it was one of my most played songs on ITunes the summer it came out. Here I thought I always had to keep that between me,myself and I.

Also, "Tackée Harry"? Bless this site, for I love it so.

@WifeMotherCrip: I guess. I'm the same age as Nick Cannon, and I'd totally hook up with Mariah Carey.

Well, probably, for a little while, until I couldn't handle the crazy anymore.

@braak: The only thing weird I see in the photo is the sequin-stratification of Mariah's dress. It inexplicably causes me to crave neopolitan ice cream.

@braak: Yeah, it looks like she dipped her hand in bleach to cleanse the secondhand ring or something.

@DorothyZbornak: Mariah would demand a ring with pink diamonds in the shape of a buttefly with Hello Kitty engraved on the band. This is clearly Pop Fiction.

@MapleJam: butterfly, even.

really, what/who hasn't madonna humped by now?
mariah and nick- have there ever been two more irrelevant people?

@Jessi Ramsey: I think that song was a case of a no-talent faux celebutante getting a REALLY GOOD team of musicians, mixers, songwriters, etc. I doubt Paris can sing her way out of a wet paper bag, but somehow they made her voice non-grating and made it sound like she had a range of more than three notes.

Unlike Heidi or (sob) Scarlett. (I really, really wanted her to be good. Sniffle.)

@tscheese: I went through a 2 week phase where I loved Kelly Osbourne's "One Word".

It was a weird time for me.

@DorothyZbornak: Totally fake. Mariah would NEVER accept a second hand ring.