Whoa... My family's ahead of the curve on this front! We've been making obscene Christmas cookies for YEARS. There's nothing like producing 4+ dozen anatomically correct gingerbread people when you know Mom's baking them for a church function.

BTW, cinnamon red hots can be used MUCH more interestingly than in the image that accompanies this article. Trust.

So the next time someone asks, "What's cooking?" I'll really be able show 'em something.

"Yeast is cheaper than Viagra." Ha ha ha.

natch.

I love sex, and I love food, but I hate sex food. It just makes me think that there's gonna be pubes involved.

Barf.

At last my two favorite things join forces: baked goods and porn. Finally, I can unleash my inner Betty Cocker.

This reminds me of the Talking Malibu Stacy episode of the Simpsons: "Let's bake cookies for the boys!"

@Miss Pelled: What church does your mom attend? Cuz if they are cool with gingerpeople genitalia, I'm so there for bingo.

I'm making the Jello Boobs for my friend's birthday.
The Cupid Cock looks incredible.
(FYI, I'm drunk right now. I know it's 2 in the afternoon but I had a final this morning and this college. DONT JUDGE ME!)

I've seen vulgar cakes for years, but gingerbread figures doin' it? Shocking...but if they have instructions for same sex ones, then I am in. Nothing is hotter than girl-on-girl gingerbread action.

this is** (see!)@Jessi Ramsey:

@Jessi Ramsey: ha! I took a final exam last year after a big (I mean BIG) swig of wine. Never scored higher....yesssssssssss!

I'm so tempted to show this to my daughter so she can fuck with her home ec teacher.

Do you think Viagra is sponsoring this site?

This brings a whole new (and less revolting) meaning to the phrase "dirty cookie".

@BowlingForDollars: How bout some funnel cake?

@campanita: And I totes feel like making some porn cookies while listening to Yeah Yeah Yeahs. This is perfect. Bless you, slut machine.

I don't consider porn or porny dessert sinful.

But I don't bake, so when I needed a penis cake, I just went down to the corner x-rated bakery. Ah, San Francisco.

It's good that these treats will bring the dirty to the table, because after eating those, there's no way I'd be able to get it on. Not because of the possibility of pubes, which I'd not thought of before (thanks!), but because there's no bigger fat kid feeling than feeling too full to get my bang on.

And I'm ashamed to say I've been there.

I love how the instructions nonchalantly say: Using vagina-shaped form, cut out cookies... Where did I leave my vagina-shaped form again? I'll have to pick up another one at the shop on the corner!

Those are mostly funny, but the bukkake cookies are just FOUL.

But do I need to tell it where my beater's been before I eat it?

@myrtlebeachbum: OMG. If I had to choose one food to live on, it would be funnel cake. (I'm straight, so I actually mean this literally. My boyfriend, hopefully more figuratively.)
@pursedangler: As my love of funnel cake will attest, me too. I like to think of it like swimming, ie, for best results wait x min after eating.

@ULookinAtMyJunk is the Hate Mitigator: Just add cannabis!

at a sex-toy party I was the girl buying penis cookie cutters but no vibrators...hmmm...

Oh my god. I have the weirdest desire to take a Twinkie and two Snowballs and create delicious phallic cholesterol-laden art.

I'll need extra whipped cream, though.

Vagina owners: Hand your significant other a Cadbury creme egg, and watch as they hollow it out using only their tongue. See if you can sit still through it.

I can't.

Mmmm....Porn baking. Although the fish tacos are vomitous.

Once, when I was a freshman in college, my boyfriend told me that what is actually a dutch oven (farting and putting the covers on someone's head) was actually a dirty sanchez. I went around telling my guy dormmates that my boyfriend "dirty sanchezed" me all the time, but how it wasn't that gross, etc.

When I finally learned what it was...I wasn't able to look them in the eye anymore.

However, I would eat a Dirty Sanchez cookie. I would eat any cookie.

Well, the 2008 Christmas cookie "to do list" just got a lot hotter!!

@TwiceShy: Double-chocolate weed brownies baked in a peen-shape? It's just too much to hope for.

@SedateMe: hahaha! Oh you gave me a good side-ache.

@ULookinAtMyJunk is the Hate Mitigator: Or is it? I have a fabulous penis cake tin which I got from the porn store, and use to make fabulous brownies for many a birthday. You could always just get one and use Alice B. Toklas' recipe instead of the out of the box shit I use (although the Ghirardelli double chocolate rocks my face. And is only 2 dollars.)

These will make a great 45th Anniversary gift for my parents! Thanks, Jezzies!

Jiggly gelatin boobs = good, halloween themed sex baked goods= bad.

They have vagina dentana cookies, guys. I know what I'm bringing to the next holiday party with the family!

@Miss Pelled: Details please. I think I'll be baking tonight.

I'd eat that.

Whose gonna "eat" that? lmao!