Jezebel

Thank god. I couldn't go another day staring at Regis's flat ass.

These aren't anything new. They used to see these in every novelty/sex store along Christopher Street.

Oh great. They have "pouch enhancement pads" for men too. Talk about a disappointment when the underpants come off. I would be a very sad girl, indeed.

Somehow, I think the "Good Butt Fairy" would want a little something in return for his efforts.

um, those are called "bike shorts" and my man already has a pair, thanks much.

Bottoms up? I'll drink to those!

Knowing a guy snuggled his peep into that horrible pouch would conjure images of a slimy baby joey. Wah.

Bwa ha ha ha. Now, my boy has a condition he calls "grandpa ass," but if he ever put on padded underwear I would laugh my ass off and then make him take them off immediately. Although it might help when in the pit at a show, like those commercials where kids stuff some brand of toilet paper in their pants before getting spanked.

The picture is not loading!
Why do I wanna see it so badly?

@kellybean: clearly you learned nothing from the "grower v. shower" post of a few weeks ago.

Ah!

Well, I have to admit, my man has a bubble butt and I LOVE grabbing hold of it.

Good, now I can tell my man that his bubble ass is the envy of many.

@kellybean: The pictures! OMG the pictures! The Fullback! Who has an ass like that?

um, what happens when you fart? i'm imagining the smell clinging to you WAY longer than is appropriate.

@Archetype: I agree. Mine has what I call a "nice, round bum" after a article I read once and a British lady said that. He's a mailman, so all that walking has paid off.

Fuck, they're like cartoon superhero buttocks.

@TwiceShy: And there it is. That is the "Fullback." Is it not the ass of a titan?

Great! They are located in my city, Toronto. I may have to go tonight after work!

You know, if Kelly Ripa is so concerned about making her butt (or "booty" as it were) "pop", she should maybe, I dunno, EAT SOMETHING! jeeze

@AbbyNormal: I'm disappointed it isn't a photo of Regis. What is wrong with me?

i like a big round bum, but not the fake kind. i'd be disappointed once the underpants came off.

a bit like my dislike of wonderbras-- you whip them off and wonder where the tits went.

Uh, I think there was a Queer As Folk episode about this.

Imagine the awkwardness that ensues during a one night stand ... peeling back man jeans to find ... a fake ass.

LOL, my boyfriend has a nice, round bum but it's TINY. He's skinny, skinny. But this would just be EW. Like, padding a bra -- suddenly the underthings come off and you're left disapointed.

@nenasadije: really, those are the exact inverse of bike shorts, they ain't got the padding where you need it

Okay, society, which is it - are our butts too big or too small?

@olivia2.0: Er. "Eating something" doesn't necessarily change your butt. Some people are ... "curvy" elsewhere, but still have a flat ass.

Sadly I have a thing for men with bubble butts.

@Archetype: Yep. My man is also bootylicious and I love it.

@MsMerlin: Mine's a bike commuter. I just love to squeeze it!

just trying to imagine reaching down and discovering the fake ass whilst getting nasty with a dude. gotta say that would freak me the hell out. i guess padded bras have led many to a similarly surprising discovery for years...what a strange thing to have to recover from and get back to business.

@crushdmb: squats, man.

@Archetype: Mine too! My husband gets so embarrassed when I comment on his butt, but it is nice. He doesn't work out or anything, I think he just got lucky. Mine, on the other hand...not so aesthetically pleasing.

@crushdmb: I feel that pain. I definitely have plenty of butt, but not really in the right places. It's just kind of wide and flat.

oops - a bit repetitive. the others posted as i was typing. sorry!

@kellybean: I kind of take offense to the 'pouch padding' it's not like I can add bumper bowling pads to my vadge!

@stacyinbean: Girl, ain't nothing sad about that. Half the reason I'm a football fan, I reckon.

I loves a nice booty. Like a bike with grippy handlebars. Easier to control. Y'all know what I'm saying.

(As long as his ain't popping more than mine.)

That is disgusting. I like a good butt on a guy as much as the next person, but that is awful.

@kellybean: you probably don't have anything to worry about. I think a guy wearing padded underwear would be doing it for someone of the same gender... right?

@onthecornerofparkerandwoolf: Also imagine the sound would either squeek or echo loudly with all that plastic around the escape valve(so to say).

No. No, I did not need to see a larger image.

but, does it feel real? i'm all about grabbing ass and if it felt like padded bra, i wouldn't be pleased, not one bit.

@jewess: well, the website does have the rainbow flag. And did you see they are working on a "pec shirt". How about hitting the gym? Is that not an option?!

@kellybean: Lol apparently not? Maybe all this is just like, when a sweet (but not fit) gay moves from Kansas to NYC, he wears all this shit (and avoids getting nekkid) until he can beat his pecs and butt into submission at David Barton Gym?

Yeah, this really just goes along with all other kinds of deception. People have been padding things for years. And don't forget about the pad's archnemesis, Spanx.

That's right ladies (and men), let's girdle ourselves in some places and pad everything else!

OK and this just reminded me of that True Life on MTV with the dude who got calf implants, but apparently his life was already so hollow that he ate pizza alone in a hotel room post-surgery.

Yeah, I'm sure huge calves are all you need to make your life complete. Do they make soul implants?

This would not inspire my hopes for hot sex.

@AbbyNormal: Something the Ambiguously Gay Duo might sport!

In some ways, it seems only fair that men are beginning to experience the same marketing-fueled self-hatred we women have suffered through for nigh on decades. Ultimately though, it doesn't help anyone.

These are just gross.

Cripes. Whatever happened to just stuffing with tissues like we used to in middle school? Maybe pudding balloons if you were really serious, but I think you'd end up smashing them if they were on your bum. Especially since I like to smack nice bums.

@FourInchHeels: Pudding balloons!!!! Ahahahahahahahaha! I'm going to start using "pudding balloons" as another word for "ass cheeks" from now on.

@olivia2.0: Kelly is a victim of teh TV-thinness disease. Much like the women who starred on Ally McBeal.
Leave off the needing to eat bit.

Thanks.

@kellybean: So the ultimate goal is a sculpted Batsuit?

That's the screen saver that broke up Star Jones and Al's marriage.

@AbbyNormal: Is this similar to a back with a crack?

@jasonelias: Bestie!!!!

@zivah: Squats can help but it still might not do much if you don't have a lot to work with the begin with.

@jasonelias: Haha! You're bad!

Idk, I never think about a guy's ass. Doesn't it seem like football players have really big butts?

@nellicat: @glamzonhobbitfeet: Thanks!

I hate a man with a juicy ass. That picture makes me lose my boner.

They didn't mention Bubbles in this post. I don't get it. So much better than any of the stuff they showed on Regis and Kelly. I've been wearing these things for years but I guess the weird looking ones show better on TV. [www.lovemybubbles.com]