So you're a swinging single and you've had a one-night stand. What's the etiquette for establishing boundaries, calling the day after and getting out without hurting feelings? So began an email dispatched to me and all eHarmony members touting a story called "Navigating the One-Night Stand," about the rules of fucking "Mr. Right For The Night." Well. The story has since disappeared from the website and the internet at large, because eHarmony doling out advice about casual sex is sort of like George W. Bush on acing an intellectual history exam, which is why I clicked on it when it was still online. "Don't stay the night," was one of the first rules. Good point! I always let the dude sleep over, and it never gets me any farther along the "Finding A Husband" route. Anyway, the eHarmony people have since renounced one-night stands entirely, labeling them "inconsistent" with "long term relationship success," and since long term relationship success is what we're all seeking here I asked myself whether I shouldn't do the same, and focus on finding a mate with an established interest in finding Ms. Right. That's right, I checked out my eHarmony "matches"!
[Redacted] (Franklin Township) 30 years old | Software engineer for a financial firm. | 5' 6" I think it is important to continually try to improve myself. It's important for me to be in settings where I will meet new people, and to create romance in a relationship. I enjoy mingling with people on social occasions. I strive to understand other people's points of view.
Hmmm, well, I like his philosophy, but where the fuck is Franklin Township?
[Redacted] (Whitestone) 28 years old | New york city firefighter | 6' 2" My friends come to me when they are in difficult times because they know I can handle emotional crises. I have an ability to make others laugh. It's important for me to create romance in a relationship. I strive to accommodate the other person's position.
Hmmmm, well I like his commitment to America, but where the fuck is Whitestone?
[Redacted] (Nyack) 32 years old | Director of Clinical Development | 5' 8" It's important for me to make new friends, and to create romance in a relationship. I care a lot about the physical shape I am in. My friends come to me when they are in difficult times because they know I can handle emotional crises. I strive to accommodate the other person's position.
Oh Jesus Christ, Nyack?
In conclusion, after examining the logistics and opportunity cost involved in actually meeting any of these avowed commitment-friendly singles, I elected to maintain a policy of amenability to one-night-stands. It's always possible to fuck someone on the first date without becoming immediately repulsed by them, right?
eHarmony Apologizes For One Night Stand Article [Online Dating Industry Journal]