Fergie Releases Sex And The City Theme Song; Ears Everywhere Bleed

• So. Fergie has recorded the theme song for the Sex And The City Movie and it is fucking insane. Seriously. It's a fast-paced track that uses the original instrumental music from the show, with Fergie sing-rapping lyrics like: "Shopping for labels, shopping for love... Manolo and Louis is all I'm thinking of... Emotional baggage just replace them with Dior... Let's stop chasing the boys and shop some more..." It does not appear to be a joke. You can listen to the nauseating ditty here. Just a warning: You may puke or cry or both. [People]
  
• Heidi Montag won't be at the White House Correspondents dinner because Spencer Pratt got involved and demanded first-class tickets for both of them — even though he wasn't invited. When he was denied, Spencer canceled Heidi's appearance because the event "wasn't A-listy enough." Meanwhile, Pamela Anderson, Ashlee Simpson, Pete Wentz, Hayden Panettierre, Claire Danes, Rob Lowe and Donatella Versace will all be there. Aren't you proud to be an American? [Page Six]
  
• When Ellen DeGeneres asked Ashlee Simpson,"Are you or are you not pregnant?" Ashlee said: "Well, that has been going on for quite a while. That is something that I choose personally not to discuss." In other words, yes. [People]
  
• Colin Firth and Helen Hunt were shooting an intimate scene together when someone farted. [The Sun]
  
• Amy Winehouse got drunk and tried to headbutt some dude. [Mirror]

• She also maybe punched someone else and also "snogged a mystery fella" before walking into a lamppost. [The Sun]
• Jennifer Lopez will co-executive produce, co-create and star in a TLC "docu-series" aka reality show, about how she juggles a career (including launching a new fragrance) and motherhood. Hmm, maybe with vaults of cash and lots of servants? [People]
• Also signing a deal with TLC for "unscripted" shows: Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos. [Perez Hilton]
• Star Jones filed for divorce from Al Reynolds back in March, and she's now released a statement: "Several years ago I made an error in judgment by inviting the media into the most intimate area of my life. A month ago I filed for divorce. The dissolution of a marriage is a difficult time in anyone's life that requires privacy with one's thoughts. I have committed myself to handling this situation with dignity and grace and look forward to emerging from this period as a stronger and wiser woman." What she means is: "He's gay." [Concrete Loop]
• Gisele Bundchen and Sylvester Stallone: Filming a Volkswagen commercial for Brazil? [Page Six]
• Caliente blind item! "Which gorgeous Latina actress is said to have a Sapphic relationship with her hair stylist?" [Gatecrasher]
• Wesley Snipes has asked some of his famous pals to write letters to the judge who is sentencing him for fraud. His character references include Denzel Washington and Woody Harrelson. Snipes could get three years in prison — he's set to be sentenced today. [TMZ]
• Jamie-Lynn Sigler and boyfriend Scott Sartiano: Dunzo. [People]
• Snoop Dogg is no longer banned from Britain! Huzzah! [Guardian]
• Sir Paul McCartney is £100 million richer than he claimed in his divorce hearing. When you have a lot of money, it's easy to forget about a £100 million here and there. [Telegraph]
• Anna Nicole Smith's mother is suing Anna's lawyer (Howard K. Stern) and TMZ, claiming she was defamed. Doesn't she know they defame everyone? [Reuters]
• Paris Hilton is banned from the Hyatt in Moscow for allegedly writing her name on the wall in her room with a black marker. "Miss Hilton ruined the wallpaper in the luxury suite. In such a case the client automatically goes on the black list," says a spokesperson. She shoulda stayed at the Hilton. [UPI]
• Alicia Keys has canceled two shows because of swollen vocal cords. [Reuters]
• Yes, yes, the rumors are true, one of the Gossip Girl characters is gay, and it's Eric van der Woodsen. [LA Times]
• Joe Simpson is the third wheel in Jessica and Tony Romo's relationship, gross. [MSNBC]
• Orlando Brown of That's So Raven was missing for 24 hours but has returned, saying he "felt a little lost and needed to get away." [People]
• The wife of Billy Blanks, creator of Tae Bo, has filed for divorce.They've been married since 1974, which is inspiring/depressing. [TMZ]
• Paramount Pictures is suing Don Cornelius, host of Soul Train. Something about $290,000 in debt. Back in the day, Soul Train was the shit, huh? [TMZ]
• Director Stephen Daldry is talking about bringing his 2002 film The Hours to Broadway — possibly as an opera. Yeah, hmmm. Ponder that for a minute. [Gatecrasher]
• Carrie Underwood has been cheated on once or twice but doesn't recommend property damage like her song says. [People]
• Imprisoned Pete Doherty is "surprisingly chipper." [Mirror]
• OMG is Amy Poehler pregnant??? [ONTD]

Send an email to Dodai, the author of this post, at dodai@jezebel.com.

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