When Does Getting Fired Feel Too Much Like Getting Dumped?

Yesterday's post about voters' breakup letters to Hillary Clinton prompted a reader to bring up a fascinating topic: being "dumped" by another important constituency that is not your boyfriend, which is to say, your boss. It has happened to all of us — or anyway, me — which is to say: Male boss hires female employee; male boss grooms female employee in the image of some other female employee with whom he had a tempestuous relationship/used to jerk off thinking about; male boss realizes female employee does not precisely fit the underling mold he had envisioned, male boss finds pretty new replacement and commences walking the long way around old female employee's cubicle in effort to forget he ever hired her. Is this common? And how do you fight back? By sending the whole pathetic story to Jezebel for commenteraderie, of course! After the jump, reader "Lindsay's" sad tale of the pink slip that read like a crap email:

Dear Jezzies,

I just had a knocked-on-my ass epiphany while reading the Clinton-campaign-as-break-up piece.

I was fired last week. Or more accurately, my boss hired a younger, hotter girl, then "realized" he couldn't afford to keep us both, and let me go because I "wasn't a good fit."

I've never been fired before, so I didn't know this, but it turns out being fired sucks. I feel like crap. My former coworkers have emailed and called and taken me to lunch. They all insist our boss was crazy to fire me, that the new girl doesn't know what she's doing, that he's freaking out about an upcoming department review and took it out on me. Blah blah blah. I still feel like crap.

But no longer. Because thanks to this piece, I now see that I wasn't fired. I was dumped.

I don't mean I was fucking my boss. Barf, no. But otherwise, the dynamic is exactly the same. And in hopes that perhaps this will be useful to your readers, I've worked out the details. Behold:


See? It all fits. Feel free to use any or all of this if it will make an interesting post. Ideally, there'd be a piece in the NYT to back me up on this theory, but apparently I'm ahead of the curve on this one. (Right? Right? I mean, it's not just that I'm desperately grasping at straws because I'm depressed about losing my job and trying not to slip into open despair. Ha! Ha! That would be ridiculous!)

I am kinda eager to see if I'm the only woman who's been fired and found out it feels a lot like being dumped, but I realize Jezebel isn't my personal laboratory to research whether my ex-boss is a one-of-a-kind jackass, or just a run of the mill cock.

* The desperation doesn't exactly help.

Uh yeah. I liked my job and I was good at it. For some reason, Jeff interpreted this as me "stressing out about work all the time." Funny thing, my other coworkers all seem to think I was really calm and easy-going. But since he replaced me with someone who forgets what she's doing every 7 1/2 minutes, I can see how my ability to work on something for an hour might seem like a desperate bid for approval. Asshole.

(Yes, as I write this email, I am accidentally falling into an imaginary conversation with Jeff. Sorry about that. But on the other hand, it is super cathartic.)

* He's met someone else who is just better on every level, maybe you should look into that "settling" thing.

Exhibit A: "Elaine," my giddy, 32C replacement. Exhibit B: All the little back-handed digs he made during our final conversation, about how he's heard that this or that much-less-respected competitor is looking for people who do what I do. I was working at the 3M of my industry, and this douchbag was all like, I've heard the black market tape factories in China are looking for help. Maybe you should give them a call.

See? It all fits. Feel free to use any or all of this if it will make an interesting post. Ideally, there'd be a piece in the NYT to back me up on this theory, but apparently I'm ahead of the curve on this one. (Right? Right? I mean, it's not just that I'm desperately grasping at straws because I'm depressed about losing my job and trying not to slip into open despair. Ha! Ha! That would be ridiculous!)

I am kinda eager to see if I'm the only woman who's been fired and found out it feels a lot like being dumped, but I realize Jezebel isn't my personal laboratory to research whether my ex-boss is a one-of-a-kind jackass, or just a run of the mill cock.

I think you'll know where our vote comes down.

My Mentor Dumped Me!