Teens don't have the mental or emotional ability to deal with real moral choices, according to Kohlberg. That is why they do things like kill themselves if they are bullied, or bully a kid to death if no one steps in to stop them. They just can't fully grasp the causal relation and consequences of it all. Which is why they need parental supervision, and parents and teachers NEED to intervene.

Bullying is not new, but multi-media bullying is. Also, parents don't tell their kids to defend themselves any longer.

This issue makes me feel hopeless.

It's not just that bullying is new, but now it doesn't have to be confined to the school walls or the playground. Bullying has gone global, and hateful, spiteful, egocentric sycophants can pursue their intended victim anywhere with web pages, text messages, and emails. Megan Meier was just the tip of the iceberg.

I really doubt bullying has gotten WORSE, but thanks to the Internets, it's much more in the open. Japan has had a really nasty culture of bullying or "ijime" for decades, and American kids have the same petty power struggles and propensities to enforce conformity via harassment and violence.

The misanthrope in me tends to think teachers passively support it, since they don't like the unpopular kids either, and have even more incentive to impose conformity than the kids.

it's not a blanket solution, but to everyone out there who knows a middle school/ high school kid-- make sure that he/she knows you're there. give your cousin/sister/nephew a hug, tell 'em they can call you any time, and promise them that life gets better.

There's nothing anyone can do to prevent this. I mean, women are still murdered by their ex-husbands when they have a restraining order against them.
Humanity sucks and the world will end when we all kill each other.

unfortunately this sort of this has been going on in Japan for decades. the parents and law makers are "disturbed" and "upset" by the hundreds of kids who commit suicide every year but they continue to do nothing about it.

@badmutha: Yeah, when it comes down to it, most bullies have parents who 1) are bullies themselves, 2) are simply too busy to supervise their children or 3) don't give a shit.

My parents would have NEVER put up with my bullying anyone. They would have shut me down so fast, I wouldn't have known what happened.

Dodai- great job on this article.
What's become of the world today? When I graduated (1999) the worst bullying I saw was stuff written in bathrooms and the chicken coop of gossip girls who always were in trouble for starting some rumor.
I would like to think I could deal with the little shits in school today but Thank Jeebus I don't have to.

@badmutha: I tend to think that's a cop-out to some degree. By the time a child is a teenager, they have a fairly accurate picture of how the world works. I do believe a lot of this is created by the atmosphere at home. If they see parents sniping at each other, calling each other names, or just behaving in a socially unacceptable manner, that's going to be imprinted on them. When they find themselves in a position of power, it's going to be about the only guidance they have to go on.

The sad thing is, bullying has to be dealt with in a grass-roots kind of effort. Many people that work with kids turn the blind eye for whatever reason, and as someone who used to work with kids, I don't know what pissed me off more, the kids who did it, or the adults around them that let it happen.

I had a zero tolerance for any type of bullying or mean girl type of behavior. When the cases would arise I would treat each case strategically, knowing what child to talk to first, without the others knowing that they were completely busted. I shared with their parents, and luckily some were very open to what their child was doing, and put the kabosh on it. Some could not care less, because it would interfere with their BlackBerry convos. It's highly frustrating.

To cut this rant short, more people need to stand up and say something, and do something about the problem. I am glad to see that these stories will not go away, that is the only way these things will ever stop.

@onthecornerofparkerandwoolf: YES! My bro is 14, freshman, chubby, adorable, glasses wearing, and this is all I can say to him. Tell them if they think someone else is hurting or in trouble to talk to someone about it too! Just let them know it DOES get better and that these other kids are really just projecting the messes they are onto others to feel better about themselves.

how many kids are going to have to die before firearms legislation is taken seriously?

i know people don't think "big govt" is the answer, but what if there are real consequences for the perpetrators and their parents? it's being done in the UK, so we'll see, i guess.

We were talking about this in one of my classes today. Not only do we have the case of the cheerleaders and Megan Meier, but there are apparently a whole lot of Logan Echolls-style kids beating up homeless people or throwing rocks at strangers so they can film and put it on YouTube. YouTube is going to kill the world.

@kgibbs: this has been kgibbs, and I approve this message.

@effeteaesthete: I agree with that second comment. I'm a tutor, not a teacher, and I sometimes find it hard not to get sucked into the momentum created by the "popular kids" (who, strangely, are kids who are not part of the popular crowd at school). It's much easier to ignore semi-nasty, but witty, comments than to address the nastiness behing them. Over. And over. And over. I do my best, because I was bullied as a kid too, but I can totally see how sometimes a teacher might get tired or jaded by all the drama.

@ineffable.me: Nothing like a little sparkling optimism in the afternoon. But, I hear you.

@stacyinbean: That best advice you can give to kids that age is to really hang in there, and remember that life does not start and end in junior high. That is one the hardest things to realize at that age, when everything feels like the weight of the world.

@ineffable.me: Prevent, no. It's impossible to absolutely eliminate any social issue through any simple mechanism. But we can do something to mitigate the problem, by showing children proper social behavior ourselves, by being more tolerant of the stupidity we see around us (hard as that is), and enforcing the lesson of actions leading to consequences.

Two main factors, many parents are disconnected from their children and children's access to the internet.

Used to be bullying was face to face and in the moment, now it is anonymous and long lasting publicly. Everyone can jump in and badger someone until they crack.

Too many parents want to be their child's friend, or pass them off with luxuries, and kids just do what they please.

What else can we expect? America LOVES mean.

@girlscoutcookie: Totes. YouTube is the devil.

Why can't bullies be charged with assault if the school won't act? I feel like going to the police if you get stonewalled by the teachers is the next logical step. But maybe the police don't take reports of bullying seriously, either.

Hard for me to comment on this article without feeling like I am going to explode. I have been dealing with a bad high school situation in New York with my 9th grader, this is the worst school system anywhere!! You would be surprised how many letters I have written to the NYC Chancellors office, the Mayor, and the Governor. He has still not been able to transfer to a "decent" school enviroment. The system completely ignores, both pleas from parents, as well as students. My anger is beyond words!

Technology takes bullying to a whole other level. The whole world gets to see you humiliated I'm not surprised some of these kids kill themselves over it. Now the others that happen in real life I don't know it just seems our collective human culture is very violent and I don't see a stop to it. If you aren't going to be just as aggressive toward them you are screwed. And no teachers won't stop it it's survival of the fittest in schools they are similar to prisions in my opinion. They wouldn't let us have butter knives at my school because they didn't want us to stab each other. Oh man that is so pathetic of those people to leave notes saying: We won't bother you now! Oh so she's dead is that what it takes to earn your respect? Don't breed okay?

@Archetype: Not just that, but provide them a safe, nurturing environment at home. A bullied child has to feel safe somewhere, and won't talk to you unless they know you'll protect them and be on their side.

This constant striving for popularity and social standing in schools is a sickness that only exacerbates the problem of bullying. You have to make kids aware that school will only be a small part of their lives.

@NefariousNewt: youre absolutely right.

@Archetype: How does someone defend themselves against cyber-bullying? Somehow simply b/c its on the internet it is transformed form simple gossip into hyper-gossip. What do you do?

How can teachers prevent the cyber-stuff? What if the major bullying is outside?

It seems that if a person is inclined to bully-- unless they get a serious surprise smackdown from their own parents, the parents of the bullied kid, or their target audience (other school kids defending the bullied) for shit-talking on a permanent medium (the 'net)--they won't change.

It makes my sick just thinking about it.

Is Darwinism weeding out an empathy gene? Never -- not at 5, 12 or 20 years old -- did I think it was OK to treat someone so cruelly.

Parents, if you don't yell at your children for stabbing someone else's $30 hamburger, they'll never know what embarrassment feels like or that maybe it's not so fun to be the person who just lost his dinner.

@LadyNo: They don't take bullying seriously, but they take a bullied student who shoots up a school seriously.

I am a teacher, and I wish I could do more. By the time they get into high school, most kids are sneaky enough to get away with stuff and hide it from us. What I try to do is form honest relationships with as many kids as I can so they can come talk to me. Why would someone ever want to complain about a bully to a principal whose only words to them have been along the lines of, "Don't run in the halls." It's not always a school's fault or a teacher's fault. There are things we honestly don't see, and can't see.

That being said, the current emphasis on standardized testing to the detriment of other programs adds to the problem. We spend so much time teaching to the tests (and we have to, or we'll lose funding--we hate it as much as anyone else) that we don't get to include things like conflict resolution in our curriculum. Anti-bullying legislation is a good step toward solving the problem, but it's still not enough. Funding anti-bullying programs that focus on conflict resolution and violence deterence is an even better step, but it still won't solve the problem.

I'm so pessimistic. I should move to Utah, where there are no federally mandated standardized tests. All I'd have to worry about there would be polygamist cults who marry children to old grody men!

I disagree with those on here who say that they doubt bullying has gotten worse over the ages. With all the gratuitous sexiuality and violence in the media right now, kids are using extreme tactics to send kids to the brink.

There are countless tales of sexual harrassment in elementary and junior high school--and back in the day kids had a lot more innocence at a younger age.

@TheUptightMidwesterner: Simon Cowell. Ultimate Fighting. Don Imus. Ann Coulter. There's too much negativity in the world without glorifying it.

@marie123: They don't, that's my point. I just think about stories of my parents growing up, and how a kid in the 50's or 60's could be told to defend himself (talking about boys here). Nowadays it's impossible to do that, not only because of the Internet...you might get shot or stabbed if you try to defend yourself.

This problem isn't new but getting more coverage. In Japan, from what I understand, there has always been a problem with teen suicide. There is so much pressure on those kids already, with applying to high schools and universities, going to cram school, etc that the stress of being in high school is even worse.

As for the kids who actually do commit suicide because of bullying, it's a difficult subject. They need strong support from their family and even more self-esteem. They need to know they're worth something and that a few people saying otherwise just makes them malicious.

Not a kid but it did happen in high school. The German prof committed suicide in part because a huge scandal was about to break. He was accused by a female student of sexual harassment, even though all of his students knew he was a closeted homosexual. Either way, his reputation was being tarnished by this girl (who later admitted it was because he wouldn't change her grade) because now he would be 'out' or a child molester, neither of which would've worked in my school system, surprisingly conservative. It just added on to other personal issues he was dealing with.

You can't intervene between the bully and the victim. It ALWAYS makes it worse. Everyone who says you need to support and encourage those hurt by bullying are correct. People need to learn to defend themselves emotionally. If you can help them learn about their own self worth then you are a hero. It's very very, but the world is a cruel place, it always will be. The strong will victimize the weak, whether you are there to help or not. Sadly the weak who can't find the support or inner strength they need will end up like the victims mentioned above. Please do not intervene, you will take away the strength being cultivated by those who can, and make the attacks worse for those who can't.

@mrsnigeltufnel: By the time they get into high school, most kids are sneaky enough to get away with stuff and hide it from us.

Any time I was bullied, which wasn't often, it was off campus.

@ineffable.me: a cop once told me that all a restraining order does is tell him who to arrest when he finds the body.

@LadyNo: Unless there is physical evidence how do you make a case? The law (at least when it comes to the 'net) seems to lag behind technology and even if it's more or less caught up it can't provide quick, certain solutions (if ANY, ever) for that person.

Jesus, we know the nightmare stories of raped women getting flipped off by borderline-retarded/nasty cops who don't care....bullied kids?

God what a shitty world.

@NefariousNewt: Very true. My brother got bothered a lot because he didn't care about 'being cool'. Anytime he needed it my dad went in an spoke to the principle or teacher that wasn't doing crap. Didn't get far, but my brother knew he always had someone in his corner.

@whyknot: I think that's the most depressing thing I've ever heard.

@NefariousNewt:I know what you mean, I was just putting Kohlberg's theory out there. You would expect that teens could control themselves, but with these girls there is obviously some kind of disconnect.

This is slightly beside the point, but "train tracks"? Really? Kids still make fun of other kids for that? Almost everyone I knew had braces at one point; no one was made fun of for it.

@Archetype: This, I think, is the heart of teenage suicide. Teenagers can't even imagine a life beyond the walls of their high school. Sometimes I think the best thing for a kid who's being bullied is to send them somewhere for the summer, to an aunt or uncle who lives far away so the kids can get a decent perspective, recognize that there's a big world out there and being bullied now doesn't equal being bullied forever. I get that it's kind of impracticle advice, but I think it would really help.