Jezebel
The latest season of bridal shows began on Friday, and already we are mildly concerned with what we see. While really big name Badgley Mischka is, um, one of the really biggest names in this market, I found the whole collection to be 1) ugly 2) dated and 3) kitschy. Seriously, the Disney bridal dresses looked better than this shit. Monique Lhuillier, who is what Vera Wang was 10 years ago (aka the choice of "cool" brides who don't have to worry about money), offered a much better showing, her looks markedly sophisticated and tasteful and "modern' on the whole. Maybe it was just the choice of models, but something about it, though, left me with a funny taste of "child bride" in my mouth. The collections for your review, after the jump.
Badgley Mischka
L to R: Um did they hem this dress a little short?; Look! The gown hurts her heart so badly she has to grab her sides!; Wedding dress? Or New Age straight-jacket?
L to R: How original; Bling, anyone?; Where's Rami Kashou when you need him?
L to R: If George Clooney marries that cocktail waitress, I bet she'll wear this; No more mermaid silhouettes, please; Just say no to tiers.
L to R: Just painful; No more shiny, please; For the pregnant bride, clearly.
L to R: That has to be the tackiest neckline ever; Stop! The originality is killing me! Sparkly and a mermaid silhouette!
Monique Lhuillier
L to R: Perfet for Romeo's Juliette — who was supposed to be what? 13 years old?; Ruffle booty!; Someone free her boobies, please.
L to R: And Prada thinks they own the whole lace thing this season; Lo. Li. Ta: Light of my life, fire of my loins; Has this girl even hit puberty?
L to R: Why is there something a little good touch/bad touch about this?; Tyra calls this the "couture pose"; The bride is the age of a flower girl.
[Images via Getty.]
Comments
Badgley Mischka: stuck in the 90's
Monique Lhuillier: Youre not high fashion so you shouldnt use high fashion models. theyre wedding gowns. for people. some of her dresses are very pretty.
I think I tried all of these on at david's bridal. Or at least their cheaper cousins.
With some bewbs or...any body at all, that first dress wouldn't be too bad.
I don't know what happened with Badgley Mischka. I thought they were amazing, in the 90's, per ineffable.me's comment.
Badgley Mischka's dresses make David's Bridal look coutoure.
And Monique Lhullier's dresses are pretty, if uber-girly. Which I wrote as uber-grilly the first time.
...Juliette?
The Juliet dress is lovely. I wore a Juliet cap at my wedding, classic is classic
I'm sorry, I like the Juliet gown. It looks like something Elizabeth Bennet might get married in. In my world, that's not bad.
Do normal people (say, Jezebelles) actualy wear these very traditional dresses to be married? Curious.
I like the ruffle booty! Also, yes, child models should not be modelling wedding dresses. This isn't haute couture, people.
With the exception of the top middle one, the Lhuillier dresses are very pretty. I don't know why you're hating on them.
I would wear the strapless lace number with the blue sash in a second.
Uh, my wedding dress looked a LOT like the top one. Except it had longer sleeves.
@JessicaLovejoy: Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, ACK!: Thanks for saying that, because I definitely had boobs (and hips).
The best bridal designer out there as far as I'm concerned is totally Reem Acra, and if I were a quadrillionaire, I would totally have bought one of her dresses, but in retrospect I'm glad I didn't because my cat pissed on my David's Bridal special and I threw it out (don't tell my mom!).
not that i'm getting married anytime soon, but when it comes time, i am saving all my pennies for a reem acra gown. that's where it's at, for real.
Ehhh I just want something that's easy to move in and spill-proof...Like, you know, coated in Teflon or Scotchguard to ward away spilled drinks.
No muss, no fuss, don't want to look like Miss Havisham or a child bride. Srsly.
I want to give every model here a big piece of steak. They all look so very anemic!
@zivah: At almost all the weddings I've been to, people have worn "traditional" dresses.
Gross. I wouldn't wear any of those at all. "None of these are it. None. You're dragging!"
This explains why Jenna Bush chose Oscar de la Renta. At least she won't be confused for George's cocktail waitress.
@zivah: I want lace and white and pretty and romantic and girly. You would think that would be easy. But I also don't want strapless, because I think they make me look like a linebacker. Apparently wedding dress designer can do just about anything, but they can't give you some cute little sleeves!
Designer =/= pretty.
The sooner the fashion lemmings learn this, the better.
In fact, ALL of fashion is sucky right now. Have you been to the stores lately? ugh!
@Door: See, this isn't fair. All the weddings I've been to have been alterna-weddings. Fun, but I'm yearning to go to a traditional wedding. Like, in a church.
I'm always confused by the pre-teen bridal models. They've always got that look on their face like they're being forced to wed a polygamist cult member... they're the right age for it!
How can you tell this season from last season? Are they different at all from what when down the runway five years ago? Why even pretend it's new?
Monique's models need some cake and champagne, stat.
And that ruffle bottom thing is hideous. Not to mention probably impossible to dance in. But then, I guess those are for the kind of girl who can afford another dress for her reception.
@Archetype: Me too. I love a dress with a bit of color, though I eloped Most of my friends have done the strapless, similar to the first pic.
Maybe it's the little princess in me, but I'd much rather resemble "Ariel-inspired" than tea cozy.
Show us on the wedding dress where the bad man touched you.
(Re: the first image on the last row.)
Also? The apparent lack of years owned by the models of these dresses make it look like dress-up. Or maybe that's the apparent lack of curves. In any case, I'm not at all sure that this is what sells dresses. Are brides really going to these shows wanting to look like an eleven-year-old in a training bra on their big day?
WHY IS BASICALLY EVERYTHING STRAPLESS WITH A FLARED SKIRT?
What is so wrong with sleeves?
@zivah: I did. Mine was a Renaissance style with a slight train, flowy and old fashioned. Most weddings I went to are similar, only the brides that very proud of their skinny frames wore tight dresses.
wow. I went back and looked at those disney dresses... wow! I am deep in princess crap right now. My 3 year old loves it and I'm not hating the movies nearly as much as I thought I would, having worked for a disney mag years ago. Anyway, all this to say that those disney dresses are not so bad and these ones are icky. (which is what the post said, right?). Yeah, so I agree.
Badgley Mischka obviously hates women. Those dresses are cut in very unflattering ways. He knows about hips and boobs, right?
@DorothyZbornak: I am so having a second dress for the reception. Preferably something that looks fab with flats. I wanna be comfy when I party!
@Smackdown: Without a doubt Acra fabulous.
Monique Lhuillier: Child bride? Maybe. Corpse bride? Definitely.
@Meg: I don't think about a wedding, only the dress!! I have broad shoulders, so I think strapless would be the way to go.
I really like that first "Juliette" dress, but um... I have boobs.
@PinkSoxHat: Most dress markers can include cap sleeves. I'm big busted so I had drapey caps, made my shoulders look awesome.
@PinkSoxHat: It is amazing how difficult it is to find a non-strapless wedding dress. They look great on some people, but not on everyone! And everyone I know who has gotten married in the last few years has had one.
@zivah: If I ever get married, it is a dress woven of Tom Selleck's chest hair or nothing at all.
Which is to say, probably not for me, and I love your avatar.
"Has this girl even hit puberty?" i'd say she's keeping it and her periods at bay by strategic starvation.
is this season's lhuillier trend "gulag bride"?
My lord there's pound for pound more tule and silk on those girls than flesh.
Especially the girl with the dress made from my nana's curtains.
Did Monique L. catch a 2 for 1 clearance sale on old lace tableclothes?!
I recently perused the Vera Wang website with a friend who is getting married this summer- and all her models looked especially unhappy and young. Maybe it is just me, but I would rather wear a paper sack and look happy than this:
[www.verawang.com]
I would totally wear the off-the-shoulder lace Lhuillier. I have boobs and broad shoulders, I could pull it off, I think.
The pouffy-skirted dresses would look idiotic on me. My legs are too short; I would look like I was drowning in fabric.
It's the child model that's giving you child bride for serious.
I think the main reason that most dresses are strapless and big on the bottom (my dress was, with colored embroidery that matched my tiara, how's that for traditional) is that it's surprisingly flattering on a number of different body shapes. Sleeve or straps can sort of bisect you, and make your arms look bigger, and if you have one large, uninterrupted space of neckline and clavicle and shoulder, it makes you look more slender and lovely.
I really, really was not expecting to get a strapless (and I got married, like, 5 years ago), but when I tried it on, it was gorgeous.
Those A-line dresses, esp. with the asymmetrical waistlines make everyone look long, unbroken, and graceful. Which is why wedding dresses all look the same.
The devil is really in the details.
When I got married (in 1990) I wore a $35 white jacket/skirt set with gold buttons. I got it at 5-7-9. (I was a size 3, but they had my size anyway.) Now I'm a size 14 (probably a 20+ for a dress), and I think I'd look good in that Juliet dress. It would show off my enormous rack and hide my jiggly belly and lack of hips. Would I ever pay more than $35 for a wedding dress though? Probably not.