Jezebel
Over on the blog Bitch Ph. D., M. LeBlanc has written a story titled "Coming Out Of The Menstruation Closet." At the heart of this period piece is the the way we feel the need to to hide the fact that we're shedding our uterine lining the way healthy females do. Since she was 11 years old, LeBlanc has been paranoid about that time of the month. "I still put the tampon in my pocket, or tuck it in my waistband if I don't have pockets for the walk from wherever I'm sitting to the bathroom, to make the change," she writes. "I still don't think I would ask a female friend for a tampon within earshot of any dude not my boyfriend. And I'm twenty-five, for god's sake." Surely she's not the only one.
Writes LeBlanc:
Fourteen years after I started bleeding every month, I feel like I've mostly gotten the hang of it. But the other day, I realized the extent to which having 'gotten the hang of it' is only true within the limited context of our culture of concealment. Getting the hang of it means learning how to conceal it as best as possible, so no one ever knows you've got it. Where menstruating is embarrassing, and though almost every woman of child-bearing age menstruates, you still don't want any man not your intimate to know that you are actually bleeding right now.The crazy thing is, we all do it. Hide tampons, check jeans fearfully for stains, feel a twinge of embarrassment when buying pads from a guy at the drug store. LeBlanc is not alone. "Why do I feel this way?" she asks. "It's utterly stupid. Because somehow my making these men aware of the fact that I am menstruating is going to make them briefly contemplate my vagina and then their heads will explode? Or is that I shouldn't impose my gross bleeding on other people because this is a Private Matter?" Or is it because women are supposed to be dainty, clean, unsoiled, smooth and perfect like dolls? Sometimes I find myself reluctant to admit that Aunt Flo is in town because I suspect she'll get the blame for me being upset or angry — when I have valid reasons to be upset or angry. (Then again, Aunt Flo also makes me weirdly emotional and burst into tears sometimes. Bitch.) Still, even though menstruation is healthy and normal, are you more likely to tell a stranger you have a sinus infection than you are to admit you have your period? Why do we spend so much time hiding when we're on the rag?
Coming Out of the Menstruation Closet [Bitch Ph. D.]
Comments
At this point, I'm so damn happy to get my period I don't care.
"At least I'm not pregnant" has become my mantra.
Joey from Friends is moonlighting as a menstruation pundit?
well am i supposed to walk around with a blood stain on my jeans all day because all women bleed?
give me a break.
I don't like to let any male know when I 'm on the rag, because then anything I do or say is blamed on PMS, which just pisses me off more. The less people know about me and my bodily functions the better. Except farting, I heart to fart.
Hmm, I see the problems with hiding the truth: buy those pads without shame, ladies!! But I still think that there's a place for discretion. I shit, too, but I wouldn't want that all over my jeans.
Well, I don't skip down the halls flailing a tampon. But, I do explain to my boss that I really want In-N-Out because I'm PMSing. I'm not shy, I just try to be.....respectful. I don't want to hear about other people's periods and I highly doubt anyone would like to hear the details of mine.
I so do not hide it. Gotta go change a tampon? I will carry in my hand- actually less obvious than carrying my purse to the bathroom.
whatevs.
I feel really really proud to no longer feel embarassed about buying pads or tampons from dudes. Usually I'm buying Advil and some chocolate at the same time. Because you know what? 99.9% of the time it doesn't even phase the guy, because he's probably seen so much worse.
I also knew I'd made great progress when I asked my younger brother to bring me a box of tampons from my parents' house. I wasn't embarassed to ask and he was hilarious about the whole thing.
I'm much more comfortable buying tampons than I am buying pepto bismol.
And, no, I don't really talk about my period to anyone. And not usually in mixed company. But I also don't talk about my bowels to anyone, either. It's not so much period shame or whatever but more that this isn't anyone's business but mine.
I am, however, always amazed at the chicks in yoga that yell, "Can we do this if we're menstruating" when we go into shoulder stand.
Really? Buying tampons, etc. from a guy at a drugstore freaks people out? Whyyyyyy?
@ineffable.me: Seriously. I've stained just about every pair of undies I own. I'm not about to start on the pants.
So I guess that three-periods-a-year pill is like the ultimate expression of this phenom?
@mllej: I don't know. Even my boyfriend will buy my tampons without embarrassment.
I keep track of mine online ('cause if I didn't record it there I'd never know when it is, was, or will be). One day my office buddy came up behind me and saw it on the screen:
"Oh, that's for... Oh! That's toda.... Oh! Oh! So you're... like, right now you've.... Oh, I never wou.... Are you okay??"
If I were smarter I'd have said no and taken the rest of the day, nay, the week off.
@kgibbs:Welcome back, stranger.
I do hate the Imma-hide-the-tampon pocket tuck. It's a TAMPON! It's clean! What's the big deal?
At least they don't banish us to the red tent anymore.
And on the other end of the spectrum, I once worked with a woman who asked a judge for a recess during trial so she could go change her tampon. A little discretion is a good thing.
Oh, please. In this tabloid TMZ intrusive-invasive atmosphere, the pleasure of being a discreet adult is reward enough.
I will never EVER forget being in college in some bar, as some JAPPY girl screamed at any girl within in earshot "GOTTA PLUG?! HUH?? YA GOTTA PLUG?!"
Fuck, I didn't even know what she meant until I asked my friend. A disgusting display.
Well, I'm not embarrassed to buy tampons, etc., but I really just wouldn't want my coworkers to see me walking around with a tampon in hand. Especially my male boss. Just because - why is that necessary? Boyfriend, friends, etc., whatever, but male family members and male coworkers do not need to hear about it. I do discuss UTI's freely with female coworkers though...
Sometimes, saying "Listen, I'm on my lady business and I WILL cut you" is the only way to make people leave you alone so you don't end up with blood on your hands. Blood that isn't yours.
There's a difference between being discreet about your bodily functions and being embarrassed to admit them. Personally, I'm grossed out with the guy at work who takes sections of the newspaper into the mens room with him. That's more than I needed to know.
Discretion and shame are two very different words ladies.
I have an odd relationship with this since I didn't get it regularly for a really long time. Now I'm all proud of it. I kinda roll my eyes when my friends talk about the embarrassment of buying tampons. I think once you have gone into a drugstore and bought only Immodium AD or GasX or a yeast infection kit, you're over the tampons. Or maybe that's just me.
When I lived on the all-lady floor of a dorm I'd hide the shit out of my tampons and pads. For what?! You don't leave stains on your clothes no matter what they are - because they are STAINS - but for shit's sake, you shouldn't be embarrassed to have your period. It's repressive as hell.
Oh hai. I was at a baseball game recently with my dear friend RosePetalPlace when I had discovered to my dismay that my period had come. After several failed attempts at getting a tampon from a dispenser, I was going to give up and bear it for a while until I could find a functioning machine. Dearest RosePetalPlace had a different idea: to ask "Does anybody have a tampon?" to everyone in earshot inside the ladies room. Me, in all of my Midwestern Lutheran shame, I was a little embarassed. But then, I was like - so what? Everybody here has their period, and they were all giving me sympathetic looks. It's not a secret, and I did REALLY want a tampon, so good for RosePetal for being valiant and trying to save the day. The things I learn from my smart friends.
When I was in high school, I would slide a tampon up my sleeve before requesting a hall pass. Obviously, my uber-stealthiness was sorely tested once spring and tank top weather rolled around.
Grown women are embarassed to buy feminine hygiene products? Really?
I guess I hide it to an extent- I keep my tampons in a drawer at work and not on my desk next to the hand lotion, but I really don't care that much if guys know. Like anything else bathroom related, I'm not going to brag about it, but I don't really care if people know.
Hide it. However, I can't say it's out of discretion because I always announce when I have to pee.
The thought of not hiding it makes me twitch. Kudos to you non-hiders.
@not.a.clever.name: I am in total agreement with every point that you made, except those gals should know better than to invert during their flow.
@not.a.clever.name:I agree. It's not s feminist issue for me - I just don't discuss my menses or my bowels or any of that stuff. It's personal. They call it "personal hygeine" for a reason.
@Archetype: yeah you know what else everyone does? poop. that doesnt mean im gonna walk around being '"DAMNN THAT BURRITO IS GIVING ME THE RUNS I GOTTA TAKE A MASSIVE SHIT RIGHT NOW"
christ i just grossed myself out writing that.
so yeah.
I carry some tampons (among other things) in a small LeSportsac zipper bag. I suppose if people see me holding it in the hallway, they can guess what might be in there, but I don't care. I'm not embarassed to buy tampons at the grocery store. I'm more embarassed to buy stool softener.
@hystericalredhead: Taking Seasonale/Seasonique doesn't automatically mean that you're ashamed to be a woman and ashamed of your period.
@Archetype: Mmmm, In-N-Out. I would kill for some right now. Damn East Coast.
@not.a.clever.name: Yeah, it's not that I'm ashamed of my period or anything, I just don't think what's going on in my nether region is anyone's business.
I don't care if folks know I'm on my cycle, just as long as they don't hold it against me.
Periods..HA. I barely remember what one feels like!
Depo Provera- Keeping CF Sexpot free of a bloody twat since 1996.
I stopped getting my period, thats how afraid of it I was. My body is so full of hormones that I can't handle it sometimes.
But maybe one of the reasons for the hiding is the fact that your gut cramps up so bad you feel like you're getting stabbed and just want to crawl in a hole and die.
I don't go around broadcasting it, but I'm not ashamed of it either. I've told a male boss that I had to go home from work because I had terrible cramps. I don't see any reason to lie and say it's a headache or whatever.
@misssgolightly:
Amen to that!
Also when I was in middle school I had a male science teacher who was a jerk. And I used to try to make him feel uncomfortable by asking loudly if I could use the bathroom for reasons of feminine hygiene. It always made him turn bright red, and got me 5 minutes break from him!
I agree with people that say they hide/synonym their tampons and pads because lots and lots of people will blame whatever non-happy word that comes out of your mouth on PMS... ridiculous and offensive. Periods to me are a happy sign of my still-barren womb, so I say keep 'em coming!
@Pinkosaurus: Ugh, my ex-boss used to do that. Way to announce you're laying cable there, bro.
The day I realized I could buy cucumbers, condoms, batteries, and lube with at the grocery store--while looking a male clerk directly in the eyes and keeping a straight face--was the day I started to think I might be badass.
But I am not badass. I still can't walk across a crowded office with a pad in my hand. I'll throw that sucker in my teeny zippered makeup bag, or stuff it into my bra when no one's looking and then dash to the bathroom.
There is a major disconnect here.
@DorothyZbornak: I know. You all have cold winters (in the north, at least), no In-N-Out and....have we established that there are no Peet's?
@Pinkosaurus: I totally agree. I have a guy at work that takes his case work into the bathroom with him... then gives it to me. No thank you.
But I do agree that discretion isn't hiding your period. I just don't want to fear being ostracized if someone finds out. The period needs way more respect. Without it, no people.
I get embarassed buying underpants!!
@Pinkosaurus: Yes, I am also grossed out by this male habit. In school there was a guy who would always take the reserved reading into the library bathroom. We would all try not to touch any copies that he had previously checked out. Even an intervention on how disgusting we found his habit did not work.
@Archetype: I went to an All Girls Junior High and it totes was common place for girls yelling down the hallways asking for tampons. I heart my Jr. High.
I tend to be discreet. My lady biz is my own howevs I will not be afraid to admit it openly.
@ineffable.me: Oh my gosh that made me laugh! 'Cause someone somewhere is thinking just that right now.