Jezebel
Initially, when Anna and I decided to attend New York Magazine's Weddings Showcase, we figured it would be a great opportunity to make fun of all the maniacal brides-to-be, harried maids of honor and opinionated mothers looking for chic and modern ways to piss away $100K on a party celebrating a union that has less than a 50% chance of actually going the distance. But (not so) secretly, I loved it. That shit was open bar! And there were awesome hors d'oeuvres! And so much cake! And ice cream sandwiches on popsicles! And a kickass goodie bag! Now I want to get married! (Joke.) But seriously, for those looking to get drunk, stuff their faces and get a kickass goody bag, $25 is a small price to pay. After the jump, all the things we saw in the shuffling sea of brides wearing Tory Burch ballet flats.
So, I went to this thing with Anna. I'm a confirmed bachelorette, and although Anna is engaged, she's forgoing the big wedding thing in favor of eloping. Needless to say, we walked in there a leetle bit biased, which didn't help matters when the first thing I set my eyes on was this NYC trash can, tastefully lined with linen.
I mean, come on. Was it really that much of an eyesore? On the other hand, I wonder if it was some kind of subliminal message like, "See, we can turn trash into class. Let us do that to you!"
Speaking of trash, when I went into the bathroom, I saw this:
Yeah, that's period blood, folks. At least whomever it was won't be having to shop in the maternity section for her white dress.
Okay, so maybe it was the free booze and food, but I sorta loved the whole thing. I was super hungry, and they had these miniburgers and little lobster cups and some kind of cured meat roll. At one point, when I was at one of the cake tasting stations, shoveling a slice of chocolate and strawberry heaven into my mouth, I dropped a chunk on the table. I picked it up, with every intention of putting it in my mouth, but the woman working the booth kinda gave me a look like, "Please don't," so I handed it over to her and she disposed of it.
So here's what struck me most about the whole event: On one side of the room, there were services offering pre-wedding diet plans and food delivery services so that brides can, as the David Kirsch brochure proclaimed,"feel like the most beautiful woman in the room". On the other side, there were catering companies. The diet tables were empty. Everyone was mobbing the the lobster cup lady. (She also had green gazpacho.)
At one table, a group of women were giving out promotional T-shirts and boxers for whatever service they provide. [Wedding dress design. -Ed.] We tried to get one, but they only had XS available. It turns out that wedding showcases are just as confusing when it comes to the expectations of body image as, well, anything else in life, really. All the dresses on the racks were size 0 as well.
This was kinda awesome. They had free massages:
And they had this photo booth there, as an idea of something brides can rent for their receptions:
The goodie bag was sick, full of all kinds of beauty products from Redken and Crabtree & Evelyn, a cake server from Oneida, a bottle opener that looked like a shoe, lots of gift certificates, and a free session of ballroom dancing lessons.
The most ridiculous person we talked to had to be the woman from Disney's Couture Wedding Collection, a destination wedding service provided by Disney for which they put together cookie-cutter wedding packages at one of their Florida resorts. The package includes decorations, food, and rental of the space. It does not include the price of a dress, or anyone's hotel rooms. (The Disney rep also made no mention of booze, so it's probably an add-on.) The starting price for a destination wedding for you and 50 friends? $75,000. I think I deserved a goddamn medal for not laughing in that lady's face right there.
So, did going to the Weddings Showcase change my mind about having a big special day of my own? I mean, I doubt I'll ever find that kind of money to spend on getting my idiot friends drunk for one night. (Especially when Jell-O shots with Georgi vodka tend to do the trick quite well.) But my motto in life is never say never, because I always said I'd never have anal sex, and well, now sometimes I do. So maybe one day, I'll suddenly decide I want to spend my life with one person and have a big open bar party to celebrate that. Hey, it couldn't hurt much more than getting fucked in the ass.
Comments
Man, renting a photobooth for a wedding sounds fucking AWESOME.
Brilliant. Especially love the last sentence.
@ineffable.me: I was at a wedding with one; it was great. You were supposed to cut off one picture and paste it into the bride and groom's scrapbook, but the boyf and I took all of ours home (shhh!).
You had me with ice cream sandwiches on a stick and open bar.
Then you ruined it with that picture of a toilet with blood on the seat. Classy move.
I'll go to anything with an open bar.
... Does this mean I have a problem?
You sold me. Next time it comes up, I'm going.
I did a destination wedding in Vegas for 50, with sit down dinner, open bar and DJ for $6K.
Vegas, ladies, it's your friend.
THAT PICTURE WAS NOT NECESSARY AND YOU KNOW IT.
My best friend and I want to be the female wedding crashers. And we're multi-ethnic enough to blend into a broad spectrum of events and be DRINKENN UR BOOZE & EATING YOUR WHOREDERVS.
I would get excited by the possibility of free stuff by attending the thing, but I bet the ones held here in Iowa aren't even close to as much fun. Sometimes being surrounded by corn has a downside.
i love events with free food!
Does the $75,000 include Mickey ears for all your guests? If so then its a bargain.
haha schmaltzy much?
@ineffable.me: That would be a splurge well worth it
@KittenFluff: oh man. im totally going to steal this idea if/when i get married. also because god knows there would be awesome pictures at 4am when everyone is fucking drunk as shit.
OK, so my beloved sister just got engaged. She's so, so happy, I love her the most, I love seeing her happy, blah, blah, blah.
However...my parents told her they have $20,000 for her to spend, and I don't have a single penny to my name. What. the. fuck. I mean, if my bf and I decide to elope, can I get $20,000 for a downpayment on a fucking house, instead of a fucking party?!!!
For an extra 50,000, Walt Disney will rise from the dead and kill your mother.
i would be all about the free massages. and an ice cream sandwhich sounds so good right now!
So Disney sells cookie cutter packages but calls them Couture? I don't think they get the irony of that.
Food that falls on the table is still totally edible. Agreed.
The last sentence kinda makes me want to get married.
My mom wants me to have a big bang wedding but only if I marry a man.
HAH!! Jokes on her, I'm NEVER getting married.
I saw something on the Food Network (I think) once about the Disney wedding package and it was both fascinating and totally horrifying at the same time. I might, though, have some kind of phobia about Disney characters. They freak me out.
@hortense: Ha, and that's why you're a star commenter. Who doesn't love a little matricide at the hands of a American icon zombie.
Yeah, I am taking the money and forgoing the party. Rather, we will have a party, but it will be for 20 people.
I can't justify spending $10,000 for a dress I am going to wear once.
If I ever have to attend a destination wedding, there better be anal sex involved.
And period blood around wedding garb makes me feel nerrrrrvous.
@ccchild: Ask them. Seriously.
I'm 27, single and want a house. I talked to my dad about it and he said he thinks a $50k wedding is what he would go for, and to consider that when asking him for a home loan. It will be subtracted out.
I have zero problem with that and think he's the awesomest. All I had to do was ask. I'm not ready to do it, it's just nice to know.
@ccchild: That is some cold, cold shit from your parents, my friend.
Photo booth at the reception FTW. That's a fantastic idea.
PS - Who would want a wedding with a theme a five-year-old would enjoy? And who would want to honeymoon at Disney World. I mean, sure, happiest place on earth. But there are sticky children everywhere scaring you off sex.
I'm planning my wedding right now, and went to a couple of those showcases looking for a photog. They were all so full of it, it drove me insane.
I love photography, so that part is very important to me. I looked at their portfolios and storybooks, and would say, I really like your work, tell me about your credentials. And they (all men) would seriously sit there and blow sunshine up my wedding dress about how they used to photog sports, etc., but they just looooved "helping you realize your one big dream day and making you feel like a princess." WHATEVER.
What you like is reaming people for $8K just because it's their wedding day and you can't make any money off of shooting sports. And then they want to tell you how long it takes to work on the photos, and that's why it's so high. Pal, I have no sympathy. I work just as long on my job and I make a quarter of what you make off of working on the weekend. Puhleez.
/rant
when people ask if the bf and i are getting married (because in the upper midwest dating for 2+ years = marriage SOON) we say "oh, didn't you hear? we're having a star wars themed wedding this summer. but the thing is, we sent out the invites through the force last week so if you didn't get it...."
@hortense: comment of the day, please.
I went to one of these (in L.A.) over the weekend! Lots of pretty flowers, tasty desserts, free alcohol, and free food. Milking this engagement thing is AWESOME.
It's not the picture of the period blood that disturbs me, it's that fact that someone left it there and couldn't be bothered to wipe it up! How classy are you if you have $75,000 to spend on a wedding but you use the restroom like a fucking pig? I swear to God, I love you all, but if I ever go in the bathroom after you and there is piss on the seat that you knew was there and didn't clean up, I will rip the rim off the toilet and beat you on the head with it. And I WILL NOT wipe it off first.
Anal sex is my new hymen.
@ccchild: That is weak! If she gets that much to have a huge wedding, you should get the same $20K to buy a house, go to school, travel Europe, whatever you want to do.
@missdona: This is exactly what I want to do! And we don't even have 50 friends so, in theory, it would be even cheaper!
@ccchild: If I were you I would ask the boyfriend if he might want to make a cool 10 grand each. Or any random guy, even.
PS That is not to say I don't respect true professionals, but just be honest about what you do and why.
@lewbers: And that is why the last time I was in Disney World (a few months ago) my BF and I decided to spend a day drinking our way around the world showcase in Epcot. You totally forget that kids are even there when everyone outside of your direct line of vision is a little blurry blob.
@ccchild:
really! it's so crazy to me spending that much money on an event, especially when most of it turns into this cliche wedding-industry dictate that you'd never agree to for any other party you wanted to have. and for most of us it's probably the biggest chunk of cash we'll ever spend on an event.
the only part i like is the cake.
@LoveNoelG: OMG, are you me? I'm doing the same thing with my parents. I'd rather have whatever money they want to give me for a wedding to spend on a house.
SM, if I should ever decide to tie the knot, I'm totally booking you as my photographer. The way you capture the spirit of these events is just so timeless. That said, don't hold your breath.
@hortense: No, no Mother-in-law
i love you SM.
I would be just like you- getting all the free shit and leaving my friends to get bombarded with these annoying sales bitches to themselves.
Hah.
My husband and I eloped and for our wedding with just close fam and friends (max 20) was 10k. YAH.@missdona: i so wanted to do Vegas but i was preggers and refused to have open bar or anything fun if i couldnt enjoy it myself.
@Centaurea: check out the art department at your local university. i bet you could find a photography student who would be more than happy to build a usable portfolio, without any of the bullshit. also, they'd probably be THRILLED with $1,000 and the cost of prints.
The past two things I read about Slut Machine going somewhere, she posted a picture off her cell phone, in a bathroom, of something related to periods.
She's my kind of girl.
slut machine i love you. if only for that last sentence.
(i never thought i'd have a "wedding", but i did - although we got married at city hall first - we made everything else up. and i have to say... it was awesome. i never want to do it again though.)
@tokyomonamour: I'm saving mine for marriage.
@ineffable.me: @KittenFluff: There's this show on, like, Lifetime, that I'm embarrassed to say I watch sometimes on lazy Sundays, called "Rich Bride, Poor Bride." It follows a couple as they plan their wedding -- some have insane budgets, some have modest, reasonable budgets. This one couple was in the latter camp, and was already way over budget, but the husband INSISTED on getting a photo booth, regardless of cost -- he even said he was willing to go into debt to have it at his reception. $1500 later, he'd tossed a photo booth from the local movie theater into his pick-up truck and brought it to the reception hall. He came across as a jerk, but yeah, having a photo booth there looked fun!
@Centaurea: if you lve in GA I have a friend who does AMAZING photos- for like 2k.
I would understand if paying $75,000 for a wedding earned you an effortless experience. But it turns out that a $75,000 wedding is something that requires a full year of work, something you could easily pay someone else yet another $75,000 to do for you. It's a fucking monster project that is often more complicated than the line of work of either of people being married in the firstplace.
I do not understand any of this, anyway. It is all meaningless. All expectations placed on a wedding are foolish. If anything, it serves to ridicule the very thing that is supposedly being celebrated. If I love my existing family members without the need to arrange a huge event to honor my connection with each of them, why can't I do that with a wife?
However, many of you never learn, and will keep lining the pockets of my fellow photographers who make incredible amounts of money doing weddings. Several of my colleagues, including myself, refuse to ever photograph weddings (at our own financial peril) because the idea is just terribly unappealing. I do NOT need to shoulder the unrealistic emotional expectations of 100-300 people for any price.