Steeny, You don't know who designed her dress?
This isn't OLD Jezebel, this is CONDE NAST JEZEBEL. Such carelesness should not be tolerated.
I am so disappointed.

Dress: I. LOVE.
Face: looks constipated

and she's so matchy!

@ineffable.me: Steeny must be wearing sweatpants.

First!!!11!!1!11

Steeny, weren't you AT the Genesis Awards last night?

@ineffable.me: ditto. I mean really. How are we supposed to know where to purchase said dress and how to accessorise if Steeny is not paying attention to designers!

Who wrote this headline? It's annoying!

Also love the shoes. Wish I could walk in shoes that high but love.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Aww, the dress kinda channels dolphins.

@ineffable.me: seriously, Anna Wintour would throw a steaming cup of 5 calorie black coffee in ole Steeny's face for that mis-step!

that said, i do enjoy that dress. and hayden's a cutie.

Y'all are going to work the joke into the ground, huh? I guess it'll be interesting to see the flip side of Jez, kind of like when you flip a rock over and see all the creepy crawlies underneath.

she looks cute, but she would totally look better if she lost 20 pounds.

Faran. Sweet, earnest, irritating, Faran.

OMG! She's my style Hero!!! Get it? Hero?!!

Where is the line pointing to the shoes telling me both where I can get them and how many paychecks they are?

@Jerseylicious: Ugh, I guess we know what her "qualifications" are for this position and those definitely include Mr. Sam Taylor-Wood.

and tell me where she got her shoes, and what she ate that day to look perfect in the dress, and who did her make-up. that said, she does look lovely.

@callheralaska: I mean, I still think it's pretty.

Oh since Jezebel is corporat now we don't have to follow those old rules of polite society anymore, right??

She looks like an angelfish mated with a Russian gymnast and the head was too fearsome, so it was replaced with a waxen replica of a human face.

Oh goddd, that felt good.

And after this, she'll Please Her Man using a hair accessory!

Give me those shoes or the dolphins die.

I love the shoes, but I prefer dresses I can sit down in

@Archetype: no darling, not fashionista... thats for the children.

If you start with her feet, she really just keeps getting more orange as you go up. How does one achieve such an effect? Because I want to make sure I avoid it.

but, but, but, NO PANTYHOSE! Is that ok this early in the season? I need an "ask Steezy" column, like, yesterday.

She looks like the Madame Tussads version of herself.

@ineffable.me: Sorry, I thought she might be guest editing, you see.

I wonder what her workout regimen is and what her meal plan is during the week...

Love the dress. Hey, Steeny, did you know that Hayden's workout consists of walking her dogs every day? Could you do a story on her workout regime, or maybe get one of the sportier girls to do it?

@honeybunchesofoats: ppffftt. SO last season that whole sitting down thing.

@Archetype: if that was a case i believe there would be a haiku involved. and there would have to be a 12 year old model in the picture as well.

xoxo, F

@TruculentandUnreliable: I need to get a dog...then I'll be skinny and turn boys heads!

@TruculentandUnreliable: yeah i'm hoping for a column on what kind of designer jeans girls like hayden with (ahem) ATHLETIC thighs can possibly wear????

It is pretty! And YAY for a girl with normal curvature.

What kind of name is STEENY? It's giving me horrible HS flashbacks. My HS' mean girls clique consisted of a Teeny, Bitsy, Muffin, Kimmy, Cici, some other rhyming named bitch.

continuing with the joke I c....

@AthertonMerriweather: yeah i heard guys LOVE dogs, because they are so obedient. guess we could all stand to take a page out of a bitch's book, hey ladies? ;)

@vexatious: Agreed. Then maybe the dress would fit her better.

@J.D.Regent: You mean fat, don't you!?! I always knew you were a fatty hater! Well now you'll fit in perfectly with the new site, won't you?!

What is it about this fucking dyke that people find interesting?? And the Hayden chick too?

Hayden wears her heart on her body! Hayden Panettiere- star of Heroes and Rescuer of Dolphins, wears dolphin gray as a sign of solidarity with the dolphins. And she's so fashion forward that the train of dress mimics a dolphin's tail!

@vexatious: Agreed! Look at her ankles! They're totally fat.

@PinkSoxHat: Okay, now I hate myself. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

@stacyinbean: i'm just glad i can finally be honest about how celebrities look without a bunch of obese commenters jumping down my throat. i prefer for fatty items to come UP my throat.

steeny, do your job!

@leMaldeTete: !!! i'm too scared to saying anything now 'case it becomes misconstrued and shit...so, thanks for saying it for me!

More importantly, where can I get those shoes?

@J.D.Regent: your winking emoticon has made my day

It's made of whale.

@J.D.Regent: And now I can finally make fun of her and all the other breastless wonders they post all over this site. You'd think she'd know at least ONE good surgeon living in LA and all. Get thee some plastic breasts, post haste!

@PinkSoxHat: See those wrinkles on her forehead in the second shot? Time for Botox!

@honeybunchesofoats: thanx. it's my first.

Ever since my lobotomy i'm LOVING the new direction 'Steeny!!!' You're so Fearless!! But tell me, how many calories have you ingested today? I've had NONE!! Yaya!!

Are you going to do this all day??? Uncle! Uncle! For the love of God, Uncle!! (sobs)

@J.D.Regent: Pantyhose are never appropriate for a girl that age. In other news, you can't wear jeans if you are over 30. And if you wear a hoodie you look like a boy.